Let’s be real for a second — dating can be exhausting at times. And if you’re living in a small town, the options are limited, and there isn’t always an obvious solution.
Swiping on the same four people over and over would leave anyone feeling discouraged. Trust me, I know. I have been there! I spent my single years wondering, “Is there a secret handbook out there that will help me find my person?”
If you’re LGBTQ+ and looking for answers, consider the helpful dating strategies recommended by Kara Laricks, LGBTQ+ date coach and matchmaker at Three Day Rule.
Kara’s goal is to help queer singles find meaningful connections and navigate the dating scene with conference and savvy.
Kara has seen LGBTQ+ singles have difficulties in more rural areas where dating opportunities can be few and far between, so she’s come up with three smart dating tips for small-town folks seeking love — or at least a decent first date.
1. Widen Your Parameters
One of the biggest challenges of dating in a rural area is the size of the dating pool. It can feel like a kiddie pool with not much depth to it.
It’s easy to get stuck seeing the same profiles over and over again when you limit your search to a 10-mile radius in a small town.
“First things first, the pool is small,” Kara said. “That’s out of your control. So focus on those things that are within your control — like choosing dating apps where you can set your parameters wide beyond your small town.”
A lot of apps let users adjust location filters to expand their search parameters to include surrounding cities or even entire regions. Sometimes it’s even possible to search in another country.
This will take more effort and possibly some road trips to meet dates, but it also opens up the possibilities to meet more people.
As someone who did long distance for two years, I’d say that it’s a challenge but not impossible to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t share the same ZIP code.
It’s all just a matter of asking yourself what you want and what you’re willing to do for it. Driving 90 minutes away for someone who appears to be a great match instead of another mediocre date certainly seems worth it to me.
2. Choose Apps With Travel Features
Not all dating apps are created equal. As I mentioned earlier, some dating apps offer location features that let you cast a wider net.
If you’re using platforms that limit you to viewing nearby profiles only, I think it’s best to look into other options.
Being able to shop around in different cities on a dating app is key when you’re in a small town, especially if you have the means to travel. It’s the best way to see who’s out there looking for the same things you are.
“Choose a dating app where you can change your own location to a different city, and you can actually shop in that city and perhaps match prior to a vacation or just a fun trip to a new place,” Kara told us.
Popular apps like Grindr and SCRUFF are often used for travel dating. Both apps offer the ability to browse in other cities and connect with dates even before you leave your hometown, which is pretty cool.
Whether you’re planning a trip to Chicago or visiting a friend in Amsterdam, you can start swiping now to set up a date or two before you have to pack your bags.
If you ask me, this strategy certainly makes traveling a bit more exciting because you have something to look forward to. You get the opportunity to travel and possibly find romance in a new place.
3. Join Matchmaking Databases for Free
People often think of matchmaking as something only available to singles in big cities or to those with hefty bank accounts. But that’s not necessarily true! One of Kara’s top tips to singles is to sign up for matchmaking databases.
“Take advantage of freebies,” said Kara. “Join matchmaking databases for free. We work with clients all across the country.”
Free matchmaking all across the country? I too had my jaw drop at this news. Even if you’re not actively paying for a matchmaker, you can still be in the mix as a potential date.
Three Day Rule lets singles join the database for free, and sometimes the matchmakers reach out when they are working with a client who could be a great fit. There is no guarantee of a match, but it’s a way to put your hat in the ring.
Kara pointed out that this dating hack works no matter where you live because location is no longer the dealbreaker that it once was.
“Never assume that just because you’re rooted somewhere, everyone else is rooted where they are. Post-pandemic opened the door for so many people to work remotely and would be more than happy to travel for the right match,” said Kara.
What does this all mean? There’s more flexibility in dating people near and far. Your person can be working remotely from Austin but open to relocating to San Jose for the right connection.
Focus on What You Can Control
When you live in a small town, you might feel powerless to meet new people, let alone find dates. But Kara reminds queer singles that it’s all about shifting to a positive mindset and going after what you truly want, even if it’s a little outside your city limits.
You may not be able to change your town demographics, but Kara emphasizes that you can change how you approach dating. Which will require you to be more proactive.
You have to be willing to go the distance for love — literally! Do things like plan a weekend getaway to a bigger city and find matches beforehand. Or you can try out different dating apps or virtual speed events. Start saying yes to new opportunities.
All of this may very well be out of your comfort zone, but taking these steps can help you find someone who is most compatible at the end of the day. And with support from experts like Kara and the Three Day Rule team, finding the right match could be much closer than you think.
“Remember, in the end, it’s more important to get someone who is compatible, not just geographically convenient,” advised Kara. “Happy Pride, happy dating, and may you find your person.”
