4 Tips For Gay Dating In Small Communities

Gay Dating

4 Expert Tips for Gay Dating in Small Communities (Feb. 2024)

Brian Rzepczynski

Written by: Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is “The Gay Love Coach." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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What’s a single gay guy to do when he lives in a rural area that lacks a vibrant gay community?

It’s hard enough finding a quality dating prospect in a booming metropolis, but it can seem almost impossible when you live in a geographical area with a small population that most certainly seems predominantly heterosexual.

It can feel very isolating and hopeless if you’re on a quest for a life partner when you’re living under these circumstances. It’s like living on a deserted island destined for a future of solitude and loneliness.

It doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom

Gay singles can take steps to change their situation and local date prospects with varying degrees of success on the probability scale.

Should you move to an area that holds more of a gay population? Or should you stay put in your current home terrain and strategize different ways for accomplishing your dating goals?

Both are viable options in this situation, and what you choose to do is predicated on your priorities and goals, financial resources and unique life circumstances.

The Reality is Dating is a Numbers Game

Considering that gay people reportedly only make up a small percentage of the population, our dating pool is significantly limited when you look at it this way.

Then you have to sift through compatibility factors (attraction, values alignment, personality, sexual style, etc.), including additional screening measures unique to gay men (top versus bottom, out versus closeted, STI status, etc.)

Complicating this situation further is it has been shown gay men disproportionately suffer more problems with substance abuse and mental health issues than their straight counterparts.

Is it any wonder why there are so many single gay men frustrated with the difficulties in finding a quality catch?

While quality is more important than quantity, the chances of finding a suitable mate are increased when immersed in an area where there is a larger pool of dating candidates to meet and screen.

It is still possible to find a boyfriend when living in a small community. However, it will likely be more challenging based on the lower numbers and invisibility of these men in these areas.

Here are my top tips for gay daters in small communities:

1. Move to a gay metropolis

If you have the opportunity and means to move your life to an area where there is a higher concentration of gay residents, this could be an advantageous decision.

It still doesn’t guarantee the perfect boyfriend, but if you’re a gambling man, your odds are enhanced.

If this is something you can do, a 2014 study by The Advocate has identified the top 15 cities where gays and lesbians congregate and have a higher homogeneous population.

Some cities topping the list include Washington, D.C., Pasadena, and Seattle. 

2. Check out gay personals sites

On gay personals like MenNation you can write a detailed profile that contains your personal requirements for a partner and relationship in a way that attracts qualified prospects.

Advanced technology has become a considerable asset for those living outside urban areas because it provides visibility of other gay single men who would otherwise be hidden and unknown.

You might never know that hot guy living across town was even gay if not for the availability of these online dating sites, and now more opportunities abound for meeting others in your local area that was never possible before the internet.

3. Use gay dating apps

Apps like Grindr can be very advantageous dating tools because of their capability of showing geographical distance between you and a potential prospect.

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When you use online dating sites and apps as a starting point, you have the opportunity to travel vast distances just by swiping and texting. So even if you don’t see any local guys worth messaging, you can simply expand your mile radius in your match settings and continue the hunt in a different ZIP code.

Of course, many swiping dating apps are commonly used as a hookup venue, so if you’re looking for a serious relationship, you’ll need to be upfront on that.

Be very clear in your dating profile about what you are seeking to weed out those individuals only looking for no-strings sex.

4. Start your own gay club or group

Advertise online — in newspapers, on Meetup.com, or via some other venue — to attract other local gay men who may be hidden otherwise.

Gay personals are straightforward and can help queer singles form a sense of community, reduce alienation, create a new source of support networking for friends and dating. Joining an active online community can give you a sense of empowerment and control in making some movement toward your ultimate goal of connection and possible dating opportunities.

Go Outside Your Comfort Zone to Meet a Great Guy

One thing is for sure: You won’t ever meet your Mr. Right if all you do is stay at home and sulk in front of the television screen. Whether you’re gay, bi, queer, or questioning, you’ve got to put yourself out there to make a real connection with a person who attracts you and brings out your best self.

It may not always be easy — or comfortable — but dating is all about initiative and persistence. Go to that local bar, join that popular dating site, or maybe take up a hobby or side gig and see who you meet along the way.

Even if your community is small, you are not the only gay person looking to meet someone. There are date prospects out there, perhaps in the neighboring city or in an online forum, and it’s up to you to get yourself in gear and find them. Best of luck!

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