Our First Kiss Wasnt Good

Women's Dating

Our First Kiss Wasn’t Good

Rachel Dack

Written by: Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack is a licensed clinical professional counselor (LCPC) and relationship coach specializing in individual and couples psychotherapy. Rachel's areas of expertise include relationships, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and self-esteem.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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To create and maintain a healthy and satisfying romantic relationship with your ideal man, it is key to connect on an emotional and physical level.

As you date and get to know your new guy, the hope is you will like him for who he is and how you feel around him. The hope is you will have a spark and feel physically attracted to him.

Despite what we see in the movies, first kisses in real life may feel forced, awkward or uncomfortable. Unfortunately and realistically speaking, not every first kiss is great.

When your first kiss isn’t what you had hoped for:

Do you let him go and move on, or do you give him the benefit of the doubt if you like him?

It is understandable you might feel disappointed if you expected to be swept off your feet. It is only natural you might feel let down after a less than ideal kiss if the chemistry was great prior to the kiss and you were connecting on an emotional level.

You might even feel confused if everything was going well so far, but if you enjoy your time with him and he possesses the qualities you look for in a man, I urge you to give him another chance.

Here are four reasons your first kiss might not have been good:

1. First kisses can be nerve-racking.

And pressure can be high if there is mutual interest and attraction. Due to his interest in you, it is possible his nerves got in the way.

2. It occurred in a less than ideal place.

If you like him, focus on giving him credit for initiating it after a great time with you.

3. You have different kissing styles or preferences.

Most of the time, this is workable if you are willing to give him another chance to create a better kiss and show him what you like.

4. You don’t have chemistry.

Maybe you like him as a person, view him as more of a friend or kissed him back because you felt bad or felt you should.

Word of caution here: Be an empowered woman and in fairness to both of you, if you are really not feeling it after spending time with him, do not kiss him out of pity or guilt.

“If you aren’t feeling attracted to

him, be OK with walking away.”

Here are three tips if you like him enough to continue dating him and giving him another chance feels right to you:

1. Teach him and guide him toward a better kiss.

Don’t be afraid to take the lead and show him what you like. Ease potential nerves by ensuring you are in an ideal place to kiss and do not force it.

Instead, try to make it fun, let it progress naturally and direct him a bit more in the moment.

2. Open up about your preferences.

Bonus: Setting up healthy communication early in dating sets the tone for closeness and connection in your growing relationship.

It also is a great opportunity to work on being honest in a direct, genuine and kind way and assess his communication skills as well.

3.  Physical attraction can grow.

But only if you are emotionally clicking and you appreciate his positive qualities.

If kissing him gets better with practice and greater connection, it is important to let him know you are enjoying it. Men love to know they are satisfying you and bringing gratitude into your relationship breeds more positivity.

As always, trust your instincts and listen to your inner voice.

If you are really not feeling attracted to him and you think there are psychological reasons why you are not connecting physically (or major red flags), own how you feel and be OK with walking away.

Although it can be uncomfortable to say goodbye, only you will be able to determine how much you want to invest in your new guy. Be confident in what you feel compelled to do.

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