This Dating Coach Says It’s Time for You to Invest in Yourself

The Short Version: If dating has been no fun recently, I have good news: taking a break is going to be way more fun. We talked to dating coach Blaine Anderson, who specializes in helping men level up their dating game, about how investing in yourself is the first step in an expert dating strategy. 

If you’ve ever been knee-deep in dating and said to yourself, “Isn’t this supposed to be fun?” —  you’re asking the right question. And the answer? Yes, it’s supposed to be fun.

While it may not seem like it in the age of ghosting, situationships, and swiping, dating doesn’t have to be a frustrating endeavor. Dating– yes, even online dating– can be an incredible, transformative, and truly enjoyable experience. 

Even the best dating experiences are going to come with disappointments, but you should never get to the point where you feel like all hope is lost. When you’re not getting the dating experience you want, it’s gonna take a step back to get things right.

The good news is that getting things right can be pretty fun, too. At least if you take Blaine Anderson’s advice.

Blaine is a men’s dating and relationship expert who’s helped thousands of men perfect their online dating strategies. She’s the expert on online dating, but most of the time, she’s not teaching her clients how to swipe or take a proper selfie.

She’s teaching them how to be the kind of confident and attractive person who people want to date. On a bigger scale, Blaine’s also helping them show themselves they’re worthy of an authentic and amazing partnership. 

Blaine talked to us about why investing in yourself is the best thing you can do to improve your dating experience– and outcomes. 

“I’m a dating coach for men,” Blaine told us. “I help them build confidence, learn to create chemistry, flirt with, and date women they’re excited about.”

Blaine’s been a full-time dating coach since 2020, but before that, she was working in the travel industry. When COVID-19 put everybody in isolation in their houses for a year, dating coaching felt like the natural shift for Blaine.

“I’ve been giving dating advice to men in my network and friend circle for as long as I can remember, particularly in college,” Blaine said. “My guy friends would ask me for advice on how to date or how to ask out my sorority sisters, and I would give them tips.”

Soon after graduating from the University of Arizona, Blaine moved to New York City. It was around the same time dating apps were becoming popular. Blaine found herself helping her guy friends make stellar online dating profiles and actually get matches with girls they liked.

By the time 2020 came around, Blaine had the experience she needed to bring her knowledge to the masses. The rest is history– she’s worked with over 4,000 men since launching Dating By Blaine in 2020 and has discovered a fool-proof strategy in the process.

The way Blaine sees it, most men who report “dating problems” are really having “marketing problems.” You can be the greatest guy on earth, but if you don’t know how to communicate, create chemistry, and be real from the start, it doesn’t really matter. 

Dating requires skills, especially modern dating, and all of Blaine’s offerings are geared toward helping men learn these skills. You can learn how to put your best foot forward in dating, form genuine connections, and nurture your whole self along the way.

“I think the first step– which is often overlooked– is your journey investing in yourself and becoming the kind of person you would want to date,” Blaine said. “It’s about creating interesting hobbies, doing things outside of just work, and making sure you are approaching dating from a secure place.”

To make sure you’re approaching dating securely, Blaine suggested you ask yourself a few questions:

• Are you seeking validation or approval from other people?
• Do you want to add somebody to your life– or do you feel like you need somebody to be happy?
• Have you fully healed from past romantic relationships?

Blaine told us self-reflection is the critical first step every dater needs to take. This means if you didn’t start off your dating journey with a bit of self-work, it’s time to press the brakes and go back a few steps. “It means not going on more dates, but investing in your own self and confidence,” she said.

The specifics of self-work are going to look different for everyone, but everyone should spend some time thinking about why they’re dating and what they’re looking for from the process. 

Dating is never going to fulfill you if you’re looking for someone else’s approval or validation. It’s going to be an empty search for an empty idea. You have to open dating with not just an open mind, but also a ready and secure heart.

Getting involved in hobbies is probably the most fun way to work on yourself. Focus on devoting your time to something that you enjoy, gets you out of the house, and makes you feel good about yourself. This self-reflection period is all about developing your life outside of dating.

Joining a gym or running group comes with low expectations but plenty of opportunities for mingling. Sign up for a class or even pick a spot to study or read regularly. You’ll be surprised at the opportunities that arise when you focus on something you love, not to mention having hobbies is a major green flag. 

Dating gets frustrating when you’re ultra-focused on it, giving it too much of your time, and still not getting the results you want. When you have things to look forward to in your life outside of dating, it’s easier to get your mind off the negative aspects of the process.

“If you haven’t done the work, there’s ultimately only going to be frustration, letdowns, and rejection,” Blaine said. 

Chemistry is an undeniably important part of dating. But it’s not the final word.

“Biology and pheromones play a role, but a large majority of what we call chemistry can be built with the right person,” Blaine said. “I’m not saying anybody can have chemistry with anybody, but chemistry doesn’t just magically happen– you have to develop it.”

Blaine said she saw a lot of clients who were searching for great chemistry but weren’t doing anything to build that chemistry. The good news is that you can learn how to develop chemistry with the people you want to date.

“There are absolutely skills and things you can do to create a romantic connection or chemistry,” Blaine said. “Physical touch is one. A date without physical touch is a meeting, so tuning into energy and incorporating natural physical touch throughout a date is always a good idea.”

This could be as simple as starting off a date with a hug. But reading the other person is important. “It’s taking tiny baby steps to advance things,” Blaine told us. “You want to establish a romantic connection naturally throughout the date.”

When you’re online dating, you have to give chemistry time to develop. When you feel chemistry with someone IRL, it’s usually had plenty of time to develop through shared experiences. Give yourself and your dates time to discover the chemistry that’s been waiting for you to tap into.

“The best relationships bloom over time,” Blaine said. “If you go on a date with somebody and you have a good time, even if there isn’t an instant romantic connection, go and see them again. Amazing things happen if you give them a chance.”