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In the early ‘90s, words like “seduce” and “seduction” often conjured up images of Michelle Pfeiffer getting flustered from the attention of John Malkovich in “Dangerous Liaisons” or Sharon Stone seducing Michael Douglas, against his better judgment, in “Basic Instinct.” These moments were exciting, they made your heart beat fast, and they were HOT.
These days, the word brings to mind more negative connotations than it does positive. Just look at Mystery and his posse of pickup artists, a so-called “seduction community” that focuses on manipulating women to get dates.
But not all seduction has to be like that. Despite any negative preconceived notions, what seduction really boils down to is intense attraction with a strong overtone of sexuality. Nothing wrong with that.
Whether you want to seduce an older woman at a bar or woo a girl you see at the gym, it’s all the same tools. So let’s wipe away the dust and bring the vitality of seduction back into dating. Below, I’ll go into 10 sure-fire ways to seduce a woman online and offline — let’s get to it!
Online dating hasn’t rid singles of the thrill of love at first sight — it just provided new ways to experience it. You could be idly scrolling through friends of friends on social media, posting on a favorite discussion forum, or browsing profiles on your favorite dating sites or apps when you see her.
Whether you’re on Match.com or the Snack app, when a standout girl catches your interest, the thudding of your pulse in your ears could drown out all rational thought. Even if you want to play it cool, it’s easy to get intimidated and tongue-tied in front of a person you really like.
Don’t worry, below I have five tips that’ll help you seduce your love at first sight.
Real talk: If she’s a hottie, she probably gets a lot of unsolicited come-ons thrown her way. If she’s on a popular dating site or app, that means dozens of messages pouring in each day. So you have to figure out what makes you stand out from that crowd.
Before you message her, think about how she’ll see you. Look at your profile/page/website/pictures through her eyes. What’s her first impression of you going to be? Do you sound genuine? Do you sound original? These are the qualities that are going to get her to notice you.
When you present yourself, talk about what excites you and why. Don’t just say things like “I like swimming.” Instead, say something like: “I’m passionate about swimming because sometimes I need the open air, the smell of pine, and a little lactic acid burn in my calves to make me feel alive!” Interesting and informative tidbits make for a good impression online.
Fortune favors the bold. You know why confident guys get so many women? Because they show up and go for it! When you like a girl, don’t poke, don’t wink, don’t nudge, and don’t lurk. Initiate conversation.
Before any woman gets in bed with you, she wants to talk to you. So make a connection by being yourself. Under no circumstances should you cut and paste anything. Also, don’t go for the lowest common denominator and say, “Sup?”
Take time to read about her and see if you have something in common. I have found the best way comes in three parts:
In its simplest iteration, “Hi there, StarfruitCitigurl. I just wanted to reach out and tell you I enjoyed reading your profile. I noticed you said you love to ski. So do I! What is your favorite trail ever?” It’s simple, it’s friendly, and it’s easy to answer.
“One-itis” is when you are only talking or hanging out with one person and you end up putting ALL your attention, bandwidth, and thoughts on her. You need to chill, dude. I’m not saying go out there and rip through town or anything. What I’m saying is don’t put all your eggs in one basket just yet.
Wait until you’ve gotten to know her, gone on a few dates, and agreed to be in a real relationship to focus that much energy her way. Before that point, you’re essentially strangers, and she has made no promises to you.
Sometimes we project all our hopes and dreams onto a person we’ve just met, and that can be a bit much. It can also blind us to reality. You want to be someone with a bunch of interests. No one wants a needy, desperate guy clinging to them. Women want a partner who is active and independent — a partner who will make time to fit a special girl into his busy schedule, but won’t sacrifice his identity on the altar of their would-be relationship.
Do not, I repeat DO NOT send unsolicited dick pics. “Oh man, so glad this random dude just showed me his schlong. I’m DEF gonna text him back immediately!” Said no woman ever.
This is an obvious mistake. You should not initiate the sex discussions/pics/talks first. Some innuendos are fine, or even some leading questions, but as soon as you throw sex out there, you’ll find yourself lumped into the “Just Like Every Other Guy” category. That’s not where you want to be. When it comes to sex, go for delicate nudges, not overt come-ons.
One of my personal tricks is that I always mention skinny dipping when talking about fun summer memories. You don’t have to shove your junk into the conversation. Just mention taking off your clothes without forcing the issue. If she’s interested, she’ll follow up.
Seduction cannot be one-sided. You need to make her want to interact with you. If she’s an exceptional woman, she’s fielding lots of online attention and likely will have little patience for your latest diatribe on the latest election or news scandal followed by a question like, “When and how did you start becoming politically aware?” Oof. Not what a girl wants to hear.
Keep things light! Avoid topics of controversy early on and focus on positive things like hobbies or travel experiences.
While, yes, it’s good to have open-ended questions, you want them to be easily answered and relatively lighthearted at the beginning. “Fun plans this weekend?” or “What song is your favorite to dance to alone?” are good questions that don’t require much time but do give her a chance to talk about herself.
As the messages get longer and more in-depth, you can suggest that you continue the conversation over a drink this weekend. Craft beer or a glass wine?
Offline interactions can make your heart stop. Say it’s just a normal day with you and your friends enjoying a pint at the local bar when all of a sudden you look over and BAM! There she is. You’ve heard about women like her, but seeing the real thing in person is overwhelming. What do you do?!
No need to panic and go all weak at the knees. I’ve got five reliable strategies for seducing the woman who’s already seduced you just by showing up.
This is really important, so listen up: A steamroller has never seduced anyone. I’m sure you’ve seen a misguided friend beeline over to a hot woman and just throw his game out there. Never works. Seduction starts with subtlety. You must build some sort of connection with her before inviting her to bed.
A beautiful woman knows she’s beautiful. If you just barrel on up like it’s a Free Beer Night and she’s a pitcher, you’ll likely be shut down pretty quickly. Instead of being like every other guy she’s rejected, take your time and notice who she’s with or what she’s drinking. Let her get comfortable before you try the approach — after all the other doofuses have tried and failed to talk to her. Patience is a virtue.
Because she is a normal person. We’re all fallible human beings with baggage, insecurities, and fears. That includes her. By putting her on a pedestal and fawning over her, you’re treating her like an object. And believe me, women do NOT like to be treated like objects.
Instead, pretend she’s just a friend of yours. Act like you would if she were your buddy’s sister. I know it may be hard with your heart pounding, but the more normal you act, the more points you’ll get in your favor. She’ll be intrigued by your confidence and the fact that you’re not getting flustered talking to her. On that note, also be courteous to her friends as well. You want them as allies, not enemies.
Again, she knows she’s hot. Not saying that she’s an “I’m-all-that” type of girl, but if enough guys lose their minds around her, she’s gonna get the picture. If she has beautiful blue eyes, she’s likely heard every possible compliment on them. If she’s a gorgeous natural redhead, she’s heard all the fiery comments you can come up with.
A woman wants to know you’re talking to her because you find her fascinating, not because you’re hoping to get her into bed. If you do need/want to talk about her appearance, don’t put a lot of weight on it. Don’t say, “OMG, you’re so hot!” Instead, work it in more naturally like: “Well, I’m sure you’ve probably never gotten a speeding ticket looking like that.”
This piece of advice is piggybacking on the idea of treating her like a normal person. If you put her on a pedestal, you have high fear of loss. You’ll do anything to avoid offending her — even if that means placating her into boredom.
Most starstruck or “nice” guys don’t tease because it’s too high a risk. However, there could be high rewards for taking a small risk. If you tease her, it’s playful and puts you both on an even playing field. Many women don’t realize it, but teasing is the first time an element of danger (albeit small) is introduced to the equation — and danger can get the pulse racing!
There are four levels of a relationship, and you need to make sure you don’t skip over one in your race to woo your woman.
At this level, you’re really just friendly strangers. Polite, interested, lighthearted. You just want to have a good conversation. As you spend more time together, you tend to let your guard down. “So you’re a friend of Jenny’s, too? How did you guys meet?”
You’re now more relaxed with the person. This is where physical contact can start. You’re not too worried about what the next thing you’re going to say is. “You’re so easy to talk to! How come I’ve never met you before?”
Aha! The spark, the firework, the chemistry. Now you’re starting to feel drawn to each other. You have so much in common, and you’re always laughing at each other’s jokes. There’s definitely physical contact now. Flirting is in high gear! “I can’t believe you used to collect coasters, too. I never meet anyone else who did!”
This is the inner circle, the golden ring. This is when it’s right, and natural, to take it to the next level sexually. The touching is more intentional and meaningful. You both know it’s on, but enjoy the teasing and hotness of knowing what will come later. “You smell intoxicating. If you keep touching my neck like that, I can’t be held responsible for what happens next.”
Seducing a woman in real life is not like you see it in the movies. Those fast-paced, witty, and scantily-clad scenes often brush over the consideration and patience it takes to truly attract a woman.
Too many guys try to seduce too fast. Sure, it can happen in one night, but it can also be pleasurable to slowly build up over time. Whether you’re online or in person, you have to wait until the moment she’s comfortable. When it comes to seduction, the most important piece of advice I have is simply: Keep her always wanting more.
This is an instance where less is more, where a short conversation can be more intriguing than a long one. If she can never get enough of you, she’ll just want more and more! Seduction is a dance. Don’t rush the steps, but figure out ways to make it specific to you.