Best Dating Sites
Looking for a dating site you can trust? Search no more.
Reader Question:
I met this guy a couple weeks ago and we immediately hit it off. He’s 20 and I am 18.
We agreed we would stay as friends with benefits because I will be leaving in two months for a while. For some reason, he keeps revisiting the idea of just being friends, saying he likes me but it makes him put a wall up.
I told him it would be fine if we just stopped talking so he wouldn’t get any further feelings because he doesn’t want to date, but he keeps saying he doesn’t want to stop talking.
Why does he send me mixed signals? How can I figure out what he really wants?
-Brianna (Wisconsin)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Brianna,
When you describe your relationship as friends with benefits, I assume you mean sexual benefits. And because you are the one leaving town, I get a sense you are the one who structured the relationship this way.
He, on the other hand, didn’t have much of a choice. You’ll be leaving, even if he wanted more. In fact, I suspect your ticket out of the relationship was the very thing that attracted both of you.
It’s a way to test a relationship knowing that either one of you can have an exit door at the two-month mark.
With modern relationships being so fragile yet so pressured to have sex, people often look to dip their toe in as a way to avoid a painful breakup.
But the bottom line is sex creates feelings. He is sending you mixed signals because he likes you! He is in fact telling you the “friends with benefits” charade is the wall he’s putting up.
My advice: Don’t mess with this guy’s heart if you don’t want a real relationship. If you do, bring it up and be very clear about your needs.
The elephant in the living room seems too big for either of you to ignore.
No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.
Advertiser Disclosure
DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.
Our Editorial Review Policy
Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.
Discuss This!