He Doesnt Say I Love You But He Shows It

Women's Dating

He Doesn’t Say “I Love You,” But He Shows It

Jonathon Aslay

Written by: Jonathon Aslay

Jonathon Aslay

Jonathon, a successful entrepreneur, coach, speaker and author of "Understand Men NOW - The Relationships Men Commit To and Why" and "Online Dating Secrets Revealed," teaches the do’s and don’ts of Internet dating and helps women become date and relationship ready.

Edited by: Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks is the Editor-in-Chief at DatingAdvice.com. When she was growing up, her family teased her for being "boy crazy," but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating and relationship expert. As an English major at the University of Florida, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about a variety of subjects. Now with over 1,800 lifestyle articles to her name, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to DatingAdvice.com.

See full bio »
Discuss This! Discuss This!

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.” For a lot of guys, that rings true for them. That’s how they say, “I love you.”

They say it through their actions. They say it when they kiss you good night. They say it with a soulful hug when you feel like your world is coming apart.

They say it when they listen to you with no interruptions, and they say it when they give up the need to be right. They say it when they bring you flowers for no reason at all.

Recently I received the following email from a woman who had to know if her man really loved her or not:

“Jonathon, what would you say about a man that can’t seem to speak of anything emotional? We go out on dates, he’s very attentive, opens the car door for me, cooks for me.

I see him three times over the weekend. Sex is off the charts. We’ve been dating a year now, but not once has he told me he thinks I’m pretty or he likes me. He will make roundabout comments to see if we are only dating each other, but I’m stumped here.


Actions are equally important.

First off, I hear you Elaine. Yes, words are very important, but it’s equally important to watch a man’s actions.

This is clearly a man who uses actions instead of words to convey his feelings: the sex is off the charts, he opens the door for her, cooks for her, is thrilled to see her three times a week.

It all talks about how much this man is very much into this woman.

He may struggle a bit with the words, but maybe he’s just not much of a wordsmith. Not everyone can be.

That is why he is so attentive to her and why he listens to her.

“If you keep yourself open to different ways to express

love, then you will have a wonderful relationship.”

What he does.

Many times readers and listeners send me their stories of men who have settled in the relationship. They ask why their man doesn’t show more commitment, or they wonder where the relationship is going.

But if you pay enough attention to what your man is doing, as much as what he is saying, you will find your answers.

If your man is doing the same things Elaine’s boyfriend is doing, then your relationship is probably doing great.

The reason why we call it making love is because we must do right action that demonstrates our love and respect.

I think the only minor hitch is their love languages are slightly incongruent, but this is easily correctable.

Different love languages.

All you need to do is realize, accept and be open to the fact everyone’s love language is different.

Some like words of affirmation, but others choose to express themselves through quality time and acts of service.

Some like to bring you flowers for no reason, while others will tell you to quickly pack a bag and the two of you will head off to wine country for the weekend.

Some will simply ask how your day was and just listen to you very carefully when you tell him about angry clients and demanding bosses.

Afterward, they will massage the steel knots out of your shoulders and then give you a soulful hug and tell you everything’s going to be all right.

All of these different things say the same thing.

Just because your man or woman doesn’t express him or herself the same way you do, it doesn’t mean they’re not expressing their devotion to you at all.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, there are five universal and comprehensive love languages.

They are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

Some may be more proficient in one or two or three languages and slightly deficient in the others, but this is OK because a good man will make an effort regardless.

Guys may not say those three little words, but they show it. More men are learning how to show it.

If you can keep yourself open to the many different ways to express love, beyond simply saying “I love you,” and if you can concentrate on how every action your man makes you feel incredible, then you and your chosen will have a wonderful relationship together.

Commitment isn’t about words. It’s about the actions you take and choices you make every day. That adds up to love as well.