How to Gracefully Handle Dating Rejection (4 Tips From a Dating Coach)

Having been a dating coach for over a decade, I’ve come to realize that finding your person is a numbers game, and sometimes you have to weather the storms to get to the other side and find lasting love. 

So many singles give up too quickly in fear of getting hurt and rejected. They miss such great opportunities to find a meaningful connection.

Trust me, I know one of the hardest parts of dating was learning how to handle rejection. I’ve been there.

You know, when you’re dating someone and everything feels great. You’re thinking this could be the one. They are finishing your sentences, you can’t stop thinking about them, the connection is like no other. Then BOOM, suddenly you get completely friend-zoned or ghosted. 

And this is the point where I hear singles say, “I can’t do this anymore. My heart is completely broken”. My response is, I hear you, it’s heartbreaking to be treated this way. I’m here to say, it happens to the best of us, and you are not alone.

Today, I’m going to share my best tips on how to handle rejection gracefully and move forward.

I know there is a lot of advice out there telling you to get over it and just keep dating. I, personally, don’t think it is that easy to do, especially if you invested a lot of time into the relationship. Sometimes you just have to give yourself time to heal.

I say throw a pity party for yourself. It’s OK for you to process your emotions and feelings. Put on a movie that makes you cry and cry your eyes out. By the way…did you know that your stress hormones get released through tears? It’s a great way to let those pent-up feelings out.

Then give yourself an expiration time. What does that mean? It’s not productive to spin into the emotions too long. Ask yourself, “How long do I need to feel and process these emotions to move forward?”.

Depending on how long you dated this person. It could be three days or three months. Either way, feel your feelings, process them.

Then allow yourself to take baby steps in moving forward again. Maybe get outside your comfort zone and chat with someone new in the coffee shop to build that emotional resilience again.   

This can be a hard one for those of us who were raised in critical family dynamics. We might have an automatic programming of beating ourselves up when we make a mistake, or things don’t go as expected.

These mean voices may be saying, “I’m not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough,” the moment someone rejects.

I’m here to remind you…YOU ARE ENOUGH, just the way you are. And the right person will appreciate ALL of you (even the not-so-perfect parts of you)! Often, we can be so hard on ourselves and assume that the rejection is our fault. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us.

Maybe the person was emotionally not ready for a relationship, maybe they got cold feet, or maybe they fear intimacy. Instead of taking other people’s problems on as your own, let them be who they are and let them react how they react. 

Your job is to make room for the people who are truly emotionally available for someone like you.

When I talk about being the chooser, most of my clients say, “Of course, I chose them. That is how I get to date them.” 

I always follow up with the question, “Did you actually screen them for non-negotiables in your relationship (family values, spirituality) and pay attention to how they treated you as well?”

Most say, “Well, no, I just dated them because they wanted me more than I wanted them. It felt nice being pursued,” or “We had such great chemistry. I don’t know a lot about them. But it felt good, so I pursued them.”

From my perspective, you aren’t the chooser in either experience.

Why? Because you aren’t getting into the relationship for the right reasons. Instead, you are basing the relationship on very limited information about the person.

There are usually signs when someone isn’t the right fit for you. It’s all in how they treat you.

When you get friend-zoned, it doesn’t mean that you are less worthy; it actually says their values don’t align with you, or there wasn’t a romantic connection.

Honestly, I think if they ghost you after all the time you spent together, that is not a quality match. Is that someone you really want to keep pursuing? They completely lack the ability to be a direct communicator.

Either way, my tip is that you slow down and find someone who matches your relationship non-negotiables first, treats you like a priority, and makes you feel emotionally safe.

I do believe we are the common denominator in all the relationships we choose. There are dating patterns that we need to pay attention to.

Maybe you notice that you have a habit of picking emotionally unavailable partners who can’t meet your needs, or maybe you keep dating people who cheat on you.

Either way, there is an unconscious pattern that draws you to people who act this way. 

Shadow work is looking within yourself rather than pointing the finger outwards. This is not about creating shame or self-blame. Rather, it is about self-awareness.

Often, once you are aware of a negative pattern and acknowledge that the pattern is an issue, this act allows you to move forward to make a new decision and take a new action.

And the beautiful part about this new course of action is that it creates a new outcome.

I know for myself, I had a period of 10 years of dating the most emotionally unavailable people who cheated on me. It was the story of dating the same guy with a different face. Of course, it took me forever to recognize it was I who was choosing the partners that kept hurting me.

I took a break from dating for months and started working on myself. I grabbed every book, went to relationship workshops, and learned as much as I could on what a healthy relationship looked like just like you are doing right now.

Within several months of returning to dating, I met my now husband. He’s the love of my life. He’s been the only man in my life who has consistently shown up for me. Unlike my exes, who ran away, stonewalled me, and cheated.

So the work you do internally can help you choose a partner that can finally meet your needs, rather than make you feel abandoned.  

Here’s what I know about rejection: look at it as the universe letting you know this person is not a good fit. Show up as your authentic self, if someone doesn’t like you… let them and move on to someone who will show up for you. 

You will find them, trust me. I truly believe you can’t screw up what is meant to be yours. Remember that!