7 New Years Rizz-olutions For Singles

Let me guess: You’re hoping to ring in the New Year with a healthier body, a cooler wardrobe, or a more positive outlook on life. Don’t get me wrong — these are honorable aspirations to have (“health is wealth,” “look good, feel good” — we all know these to be true).  But perhaps what you could really use an extra dose of in 2024 is rizz. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, it’s a Gen Z way of referring to “charm” or “banter.” People oozing with rizz always say the right thing at the right time. They may not be the hottest person in the room, but they know how to grab the attention of everyone with their penetrating eyes and vibrant energy. They’ve just got that something.

On one hand, it’s true that some people are simply blessed with rizz from birth (God does have her favorites, after all). On the other, I believe in my heart of hearts that rizz can be taught, practiced, and learned — with the right amount of dedication and, probably, sexual drive.

In this article, we dive into a meticulously curated list of some very real (and, perhaps, slightly absurd) goals to focus on if you’re hoping to up your charisma game in the New Year. Some of them are backed by scientific research, and others come from the wealth of knowledge I’ve collected as a self-improvement-obsessed single girl in her 20s. Take what resonates and leave the rest in 2023.

One thing about people with rizz — and I mean the real, authentic rizz that attracts the kind of high-vibe singles you actually want to date — is that they love themselves. They truly, genuinely love who they are and see their “flaws” as differences that make them stand out among a crowd. So, how does a mere mortal — AKA a person who wasn’t born with this charismatic gift — develop such confidence? It all starts with self-talk. In other words, changing the way you speak to yourself. It may feel like a small, insignificant shift to make, but the brain is a powerful weapon in the battle against low self-esteem. In fact, it’s the most powerful one we’ve got. Here are some examples:

• “I look so ugly today” becomes “I accept myself for exactly as I am.”
• “I wish I were prettier/more attractive” becomes “The way I look is the least interesting thing about me.”
• “I’m so unlucky” becomes “I am so grateful for all the lessons that I’m learning.” 
• “Of course, this would happen to me” becomes “Nothing that is meant for me will ever miss me.”

The next time you find yourself saying “Oh, my god, I look so ugly today” or “I can’t believe I just failed another test, I’m so stupid” or “Of course, this would happen to me, I’m so unlucky,” catch yourself in the act. Take a pause. And reconfigure the thought with something more positive and forgiving.

I can promise you that when Timothée Chalamat struck up his first conversation with Kylie Jenner, he cocked his head slightly to the side, zeroed in on her eyes, and made her feel like the only person in the room. That’s the power of good eye contact — and, of course, those gorgeous baby browns.

Yes, Timothée Chalamat is Timothée Chalamat, but that doesn’t mean that we, too, can’t harness this rizz-licious superpower. At the end of the day, it’s really about making the person you’re speaking to feel that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say. Two effective ways of doing this are: 1) actually caring about what they’re telling you (gasp!) and 2) maintaining strong eye contact during conversation. 

You’ll be shocked by how far this one change of habit can get you. 

I don’t mean this to sound harsh (or maybe I do — I guess you’ll never know), but no one likes a person who has zero interests outside of school or work. Rizz masters are passionate people with a handful of hobbies they explore in their free time. They’re on intramural sports teams. They’re taking pottery classes. They’re starting an all-flute ensemble with their college roommates.

And the cool thing about having hobbies is that whether you’re genuinely talented at said hobbies is only a small piece of the puzzle. What people really want to see is that you’re enthusiastic about what you do. 

At the end of the day, few things are sexier than a person who lights up talking about something they love. So, take the leap, my friend. Sign up for that men’s yoga group. Join that hip-hop dance class. Start that acapella group. Even if you end up not loving it, it’ll make for great first-date content. 

It’s not that people with rizz never get turned down, it’s that they just don’t care when they do. They know they’re the sh*t, and a couple of “no”s here and there isn’t going to change that. 

Rather than running from rejection, I’m going to suggest something a little scary: Seek it out. This means putting yourself in a position to get rejected on the reg.

This dating strategy is essentially new-age exposure therapy: The more you force yourself to confront the fear of getting rejected, the less terrified of it you become. 

Ultimately, what’s the worst that can happen? They say no? OK, cool. That person or opportunity wasn’t meant for you. Thank you, next. 

This is my attempt at nicely saying “Be funnier.” I don’t know what else to tell you! Funny people are the ultimate rizz masters. And although some of us are naturally gifted in this area, I believe that a sense of humor can be developed over time — or, at the very least, improved. This is going to involve infusing your life with comedy at every opportunity. Movies, stand-up specials, in-person comedy shows, the whole shebang. Observe and stay open-minded. You may just feel your stiff outer shell slowly peeling away like an onion as you listen. 

“Funny people are the ultimate rizz-masters.”

Will your roommates be pissed that you’re hogging the streaming services and booking their schedules with weekly open mic-nights? Absolutely. But you must, as they say in the comedy world, commit to the bit. Reassure them that this is strictly educational. If they love you and want you to be happy in life, they’ll understand. 

If you ask me, the whole “dark and mysterious” schtick is so played out. Not only is it boring, but it also rarely works. Either 1) it’s all an act, and the person’s real personality surprise-attacks you one drunken night about three months in, or 2) their “dark and mysterious” vibe is really just a mask for emotional unavailability. 

Ask any therapist or relationship coach that ever existed, and they’ll tell you that an emotionally unavailable personality is a one-way ticket to a miserable, unfulfilling relationship. 

Unless that’s what you’re after, I would strongly encourage you to get comfortable with vulnerability. This means sharing personal stories and expressing how you feel — even when it’s difficult. Not only does this vulnerability allow others to get to know you on a deeper level, but it also creates space for others to feel comfortable being vulnerable with you. It’s a “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” kind of thing. 

One thing about me is I save the best for last. 

Please, for the love of all that is good and rizzy in the world, go to therapy. I can’t speak for men or those with other gender identities, but as a single woman currently on the dating apps, I can tell you that this is the biggest green flag I could hope to find in a partner. Why? Because it shows commitment to growth. 

A person going to therapy shows an acknowledgement that they (as we all do) have trauma and unhealed wounds that need to be tended to, and they’re putting in the work to do exactly that. Regardless of your childhood, your background, your race, your sexual orientation, or anything else, I believe that every single one of us can benefit from the help of a mental health professional.

If nothing else, a therapist can serve as a person to vent to or even bounce ideas off of. At the end of the day, you leave each session learning something about yourself. And that creates one of the rizz-iest traits of all: self-awareness. 

Starting another 365-day journey around the sun is kind of like getting the latest software update on your iPhone: You leave behind the codes and wiring that no longer serve you and use the rest to step into your highest, most functional self. If the dating tips and tricks you’ve been using to pursue potential partners or hookup buddies aren’t working, it may be time to ditch them and try something new. 

By setting your sights on these effective — albeit a little harsh — rizz-olutions, you can take your charisma game to the next level and start attracting partners you never thought would give you the time of day. 

Remember: It’s all about confidence, commitment to growth, and, most importantly, being Timothée Chalamat. It’s honestly that easy.