One of My Boyfriends Wants to Get Serious. What Should I Do?

Gina Stewart

Written by: Gina Stewart

Gina Stewart

Gina is the owner of Expert Online Dating. As an online dating consultant, she helps men and women maximize their online dating experiences to get more dates. You can visit her website,, for more information or to contact her.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’m poly and have a boyfriend in another state. I have started dating another guy up here (they know about each other) and it’s starting to get more serious, only now he’s pushing for me to be monogamous with him.

I still love my boyfriend but am unlikely to move to where he is. I care about this guy, but I worry he’s putting unrealistic expectations on me.

What should I do?

-Julie (Massachusetts)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

What is the point of being poly with someone whom you can’t be in the same state with and have no intention of moving to be with? So you can feel bad about developing feelings for someone who lives where you live?

Since you’re not interested in moving, what kind of relationship is worth maintaining? There is no happy ending to that scenario.

That said, whether or not you want to monogamous or serious with the new guy is a separate issue you need to address on its on merits.

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