How To Keep A Lesbian Woman Interested

Lesbian Dating

How to Keep a Lesbian Woman Interested

Dr. Frankie

Written by: Dr. Frankie

Dr. Frankie

Dr. Frankie Bashan is a renowned relationship coach and dating expert. She is a licensed clinical psychologist with nearly two decades of experience working with couples and individuals and specialized training in the field of trauma. She possesses a unique combination of formal training, innate emotional intelligence, and communication skills that allow her to help couples struggling with relationship issues of all kinds. Dr. Frankie is the CEO & Founder of, which focuses on personalized matchmaking for lesbians and bisexual women, and has successfully connected couples across the United States for the last decade.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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When you find that woman you are interested in, you want her to be interested in you too, right? And, if you two happen to hit it off and you want to continue in a relationship, keeping her happy and interested in you is key to having an exciting, loving, and healthy one that lasts.

If you are wondering how to do that, then this article is for you. Here are my expert tips for keeping a lesbian woman interested for years to come.

1. Compliment Her in the Right Way

Being complimented always tends to feel good. Compliments can help her feel attractive and appreciated by you. Complimenting her about her unique qualities can be especially meaningful.

For instance, you can say, “I’m so impressed by how much time and effort you are putting into work and school. Your dedication is inspiring to me.” Or you can say something like, “I love that you are such a great listener. You make it so easy for me to open up and honestly talk to you.”

Compliments like this let her know that you are paying attention to her and noticing things about her that make her special.

Photo of a lesbian couple

Compliment her on things that make her special and unique.

However, compliments can backfire, too. If you are constantly complimenting her, she may feel as if your words are insincere, needy, or even manipulative. Or, if you are only complimenting her on one thing, then she may start to think that that is the only reason you are with her.

For instance, if you only give her compliments about her appearance, then she may start to think that you are only with her because of her looks. That’s not a good thing for a long-term lesbian relationship.

Try to find a balance when you give her compliments.

2. Don’t Ever Take Her for Granted

Even if you have been with your lesbian partner for years, do not take her for granted. Try your best every day to show or tell her how much she means to you. Do something nice for her every day just because. You don’t always need a specific reason to do something nice.

Do not think that just because she is with you that she does not still need to be shown love, affection, and appreciation by you.

Photo of a sad lesbian couple

Neglecting your partner can breed anger and resentment.

If she happens to be someone who does a lot for you and the relationship, it can be easy for some partners to get complacent and even start to think things like, “She loves me so much that she would never leave me.” Some partners start to slack off on putting effort into the relationship and giving their partner attention now that they have them.

This can breed resentment and anger in her over time if you do this. And, ultimately, she may lose interest in staying with a woman who does not seem to care about her any longer. To avoid a lesbian breakup, both partners have to be willing to do the work that comes with any healthy relationship.

3. Bring on the Romance

To maintain those loving feelings for one another, a little romance needs to be brought into the picture. Some women like to be surprised with romantic gestures like sending flowers to their office just because it is a random Tuesday. The date idea or date idea could set a lesbian couple up for romance.

Photo of lesbian couple at a lake

Whether it’s a big or small gesture, show her you care.

Others want to be swept off their feet and whisked away on a spontaneous weekend getaway. Or, on a smaller scale, you could write loving messages on Post-It notes that you place randomly all over the house before you leave for the day for her to find after she wakes up.

Whatever romantic gesture you choose to do, the important thing is to think about what would help her to feel special and loved. What would help maintain her level of desire in this relationship? What would help her maintain her level of security in the relationship? And so on.

4. Get Physical

When I say “get physical,” I am not just referring to sex here. While sex and attraction are important, what is even more important in a relationship is to show her how much you care in your actions as well as your words.

Photo of lesbian couple holding hands

I’m not just talking about sex — I’m talking about small physical acts like holding her hand.

Being affectionate with kisses, hand-holding, small back rubs, or placing your hand on her leg while sitting next to one another, for example, can be very reassuring.

You will know if the woman you are with is comfortable and likes to be affectionate in public or prefers to save that for when you two are alone. There is no one way to show affection, so you have a lot of options here. Ask her what she prefers, and then do what is best for both of you.

5. Help Her Feel Safe and Secure

She needs to feel both safe and secure if you want a truly happy and healthy relationship.

It’s important to let her know that you are still thinking about her even when you’re not together. A few quick texts or a short phone call sometime in the day just to say hi or ask how her day is going will help her know that she is on your mind and that you care about her.

It is important to keep your promises so she can trust and rely on you. If you tell her you are going to do something or be somewhere, you need to follow through. And, if something comes up that keeps you from being able to do something or be somewhere, you need to let her know as soon as you can.

Photo of lesbian couple hugging

Even one white lie will make her feel unsafe with you.

Don’t lie. Not even a small lie. Once she knows that you are capable of lying at all to her, this can forever break her ability to feel safe and secure with you. Try to think about how you would feel if she lied to you.

It’s Easy to Find a Relationship — Keeping It Is the Hard Part!

Anyone can meet a new woman and start dating and building a relationship, but those new connections don’t always last and go the distance. If you want to try for a great lesbian relationship, you do need to put in the extra effort. Hopefully these tips have helped you brainstorm some ideas to show that special lady in your life that you care.

If you are lucky enough to find an amazing woman with whom you want to have a strong relationship, try to show your love in small gestures each and every day to keep her interest until the end of time.

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