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I know dating is hard. You can’t read a stranger’s mind, and you don’t know if she is attracted to you or not. When it comes to dating someone new, there are a few things you can do in order to get her to fall for you as quickly as possible.
Being highly attractive to another person is not about looks or actions as much as it is about your “being-ness.” Most of my tips involve how to be, not what to do. We know intuitively that being a kind, generous, funny, interested, and confident person is highly magnetic, so why don’t we become more of that? It’s possible to change our state into one that is 10x more attractive. In this article, I lay out the most important ways you can make your woman swoon over you.
Presence is an energy state that is magnetic to others. When you are in the moment, you are fully attentive, and who doesn’t want the full attention of their lover?
What does “in the moment” mean? It means you are not distracted by anything: worries, to-dos, the past, the future and so forth. You are completely focused and immersed in what is happening in each moment, not the next.
For example, say you create a dating profile on Match and meet a lesbian woman for a video chat or a first date. When you’re having that conversation, be truly in it — put your phone away and look into that person’s eyes while she talks. Set aside your distractions and insecurities if you can and root yourself in her words and your responses.
When you are focused on the sensations and feelings in your body, you are able to stay out of the many thoughts in your head. Those wayward thoughts can often create worry and start a pattern of judging. When you are in the moment, you both feel the deep connection, excitement, and pleasure of great love-making.
When someone is present in a conversation, you feel more heard, appreciated, and connected. Whereas, when they are not present, it is disconnecting. Which person do you want to be?
I notice immediately when someone is kind, pleasant, and courteous to me and others. If you are this way with complete strangers, it likely means that you will act this way with everyone. People will feel your positive energy and be pulled toward you often without knowing why.
One way I gauge my date’s kindness is how pleasant and polite she is to the restaurant server. You can become the woman every lesbian would love to date by being yourself and leading by example. If you are a good person, people will notice your virtues and fall in love with them.
Debbie, one of my best friends, is always kind and thoughtful; she is our circle of friends’ favorite person to be around. I always feel so loved and cared for when I am in her presence. I strive to be like Debbie.
You’ve probably heard it’s more important to be interested, not interesting. People who seek to be interesting and talk mostly about themselves are more egocentric. If you focus on being interested in your date or lover or girlfriend, they will feel more interesting, and that carries a positive energy with it.
We are all unique and have special qualities, so it’s worth finding those in your woman. Listen to her interests and quirks, and be curious to find out more. This will thrill her beyond. Asking open-ended questions can bring out more details, which excite the other person and fuel their passion for you.
Show her that you care about her feelings. You probably know that women love to be cared for and appreciated, so make sure you show her how much she means to you. Women are emotional beings who like reassurance from the people closest to them, especially their girlfriend. Make it a point every day or week on a date night to focus solely on her needs without any distractions. She will eat it up.
Most of us are attracted to confident people. Insecure women or anxious worriers are not fun to be around.
There are many ways to gain confidence. One is to make a list of your strengths and read it aloud every day. Use “I am” statements such as “I am funny,” “I am fun to be around,” and “I am a good athlete.” If you can’t think of any, ask your friends or family to name three of your strengths.
Identify your superpower. I believe we all have a superpower. You may be a great connector or baker or sounding board for friends or a natural comedian. Strive to boost your superpower by sharing it with the world and not keeping it a secret, which increases your confidence level.
Confidence is key to success. If you want to get a woman, do not be shy. Just walk up to her and say hi. Be assertive but not aggressive. I find that the best way to impress your date is by not taking her too seriously. Be playful with each other and make jokes about how much you like them, but do not be overly serious or sincere. This will come off as unnatural.
It’s always a good idea to have some fun before heading back into reality ,so set up a pillow fight in her living room when she is making dinner tonight. The silliness of it all can really help bring out more hidden sides of who she is, which may even lead to greater intimacy.
If you want to impress your date, it’s important not only that she has a good time but also that she sees the real you. When talking about yourself and what interests you, be honest rather than trying too hard to come off as something else. You will each get a better idea about where this relationship could go in terms of compatibility if both partners know exactly where they stand right from the start.
You may not think much about the qualities that make you stand out, but these are what women with their eyes on your booty would love. To become every lesbian’s dream woman, try doing something unique and special. How about showing off some skin by wearing clothes that show more of your legs or chest? Maybe wear an outfit where one sleeve is longer than the other for example? These types of outfits will attract attention to whichever part of your body they’re showing off, which makes them perfect for getting someone interested in you.
The key here is finding the balance between tasteful and too revealing, though, because while being sexy often helps get people hooked quick, exposing yourself might turn off others.
Having greater awareness of how you behave in the world helps develop your emotional and positive intelligence. Start with the judgy part of you (we all have it!) and try to quiet it. Be aware of how you judge yourself, others, and things that happen to you.
Instead, choose empathy and compassion. See the other person as a small child who deserves and is worthy of love. Give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt when she blames you for something, and don’t assume that she is being deliberately mean but that she fears being wrong.
The more we choose to be aware of our negative behaviors and make another choice, the more others around us can see a different way and will notice us changing for the better. When you become more aware, you will be kinder to yourself and others, and it will be a change that brings you more ease and flow — and more attraction.
If you listen to your woman, not only will she love you for it, but she’ll also know that you care about her and her opinions. If you want to be the best girlfriend, then don’t forget to ask about how she’s feeling.
More than just listening is showing that you care by asking follow-up questions, so you better understand her point of view. Confirm, clarify, and reflect so that she knows you are really listening. Make eye contact and nod when you get it.
Being a great listener is key to any good relationship. Miscommunication is one of the biggest relationship downers, so when you seek first to understand, you are less likely to get an unintended message. Questioning gets deeper and allows your girlfriend to expand upon a topic she loves. Again, this creates an excitement that leads to being more enamored with you.
It’s also important for you to share, and that may mean becoming vulnerable, especially if it’s a difficult topic that you’re discussing. Communication is a two-way street, so be willing to offer up your thoughts and ideas in a natural way.
Make her laugh regularly! Laughter is disarming and inviting and expands the flow of feel-good neurochemicals. Think of the last time you spent an evening laughing with friends. How great did you feel at the moment? How good did you feel the next day recalling it?
A good way to get a girl interested in you is through humor. It’s the quickest way into her heart because we lesbians love a woman who can make us laugh. She’ll want to be around you all the time.
There are many ways to make a woman laugh. The first step is to be funny yourself, and then you will easily find her laughing along with you. I can teach you how to be funny, but the first step is not to take yourself too seriously by having a sense of humor.
We can find humor in many things simply by looking at them from different perspectives. Study the way comedians see the world, and make those observations about yourself.
Do special things for her like cooking dinner or going to see a movie of her choice. This shows her that you care about her and are willing to go the extra mile. This attention will keep a romantic spark alive in any relationship.
We all have primary love languages that are how we want love expressed to us. It can be through physical touch, gifts, quality time, acts of service, or words of affirmation. Every person gives and receives love differently. When we have insight into these differences, we are better equipped to communicate love appropriately.
If you know her love language, focus on it. This is the thing that makes her feel loved. Be aware — her love language may be different from yours. Love her in the ways she wants to be loved, not the ways you want to be loved.
Check out “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, and take the quiz so you can personalize your language to hers.
Touch her a lot, especially if physical touch is her top love language, but not in an inappropriate way. Lightly touch her arm when she is talking, hold hands while walking together, and give hugs and kisses on the cheek.
A gentle hand patting her back after sex, or giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze, can make for some great cuddles afterward. Stroke individual locks of her hair and let strands fall through your fingers as you gently comb them away from the face. Feel free to brush her hair while doing so, too, if that’s something she enjoys.
She may also like being kissed with deep long kisses where tongues meet, especially when one person passionately sucks at their partner’s lips or even tongue before drawing back again. Offer her a full-body massage.
Touch doesn’t have to be sexual, but it can certainly lead to sex.
Tell her she is beautiful, smart, funny, or anything else that you find admirable in her. Most of us love to be complimented. Others may feel uncomfortable getting compliments. Work on this so you can freely and joyfully accept the gift of a compliment instead of turning it away.
Find the things you love the most about her, and make it a point to frequently use words of affirmation. Yes, compliments are one of the five love languages.
Let your girlfriend or partner have her own friends and interests. No one wants a girlfriend who smothers; we like attention but not obsession. This will keep the relationship strong and prevent it from becoming boring.
She may need alone time to chill, but that does not mean she does not want you. Realize that we are all different and have different needs. Don’t worry that she’ll be less interested in you if she has other people around her. Outside interests and friends help us grow and bring more back to the relationship. Have a conversation so that you each know what the other needs.
The idea that there is a perfect woman out there for us can be very misleading. Sometimes we need to do the work and find our own perfect partner instead of waiting around hoping an ideal lesbian relationship will just happen on its own.
There are many ways a queer woman can start this journey. Some argue it may involve first looking within, and perhaps hiring a lesbian love coach, to become more attractive. Sometimes even practicing certain behaviors, like kindness, toward others (or maybe just being nicer) can can make flirting and finding a lesbian friend or lover so much easier.
Regardless of the path you choose, try to put your energy into something that makes you more fun and enjoyable to be around. If you can make your life happier every day, then you’ll find it’s easier to date with your most authentic self and thereby make a lesbian like you. You’ll feel better about yourself and reap the benefits of a life that is joyful, playful, and loving.