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|Bethany Heinesh • 6/05/15|
If you’ve cheated on your girlfriend, you are in quite the unpleasant situation. Hopefully, guilt is eating you alive and you feel ashamed of yourself. I say this because cheating is the lowest thing you can do to a woman you care about.
Unfaithfulness is the ultimate betrayal and is very difficult to forgive. If you’re feeling guilty, it means you have a soul and a conscience. This is good news. Plus, guilt is a strong motivator and will likely keep you from being such a doofus in the future.
Here’s a little sexual education, gentlemen, which wasn’t included in the Sex Ed 101 class you took in junior high. Men and women have very different views about sex, which makes it difficult for men to appreciate how devastating it is to a woman when her man cheats.
For men, sex is a physical act, one you can compartmentalize as a meaningless experience after a one-night stand. For women, sex is an expression of intimacy, a significant and highly emotional event.
Women often misinterpret sex as love, which is why the “friends with benefits” principle is one few of us can grasp.
Because guilt has become an all-consuming presence in your now very complicated universe (did I mention this is a good thing?), you are probably considering telling your girlfriend about your sexual indiscretions.
Before you confess your sins to her like she is a priest able to offer absolution, slow down, cowboy. There are a few things you should consider before you come clean and spill the beans.
While I believe open communication is the most important aspect of a romantic relationship, the age old philosophy of “what you don’t know won’t hurt you” is very applicable to this situation.
If you know what you did was wrong and solemnly swear to never do it again, honesty may not necessarily be the best policy.
“Together you can figure out what went wrong
and what caused you to cheat in the first place.”
For starters, if you tattle on yourself, you would probably only be doing it to relieve you of your own grief and guilt.
Cheating was a very selfish thing to do, but blabbing to your girlfriend about the awful mistake you’ve made would be even more selfish if you do it for the wrong reasons.
This information is going to absolutely destroy the woman you love and will probably mark the end of your relationship, leaving her scarred for life in the process.
If your sole motivation for telling her is based on the need to free yourself from a self-imposed prison, zip your lip. You’ve quite literally made your bed, and now you have to lie in your own filth.
Initially, she may think she’s strong enough to move forward, but in the long run, it will always be in the back of her mind and you will never hear the end of it. She will probably never be able to trust you again, and trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
On the other hand, you may feel telling her the truth is the right thing to do because you genuinely feel she has the right to know. In this case, you recognize how wrong you’ve been and believe you need to man up and face whatever consequences may come.
This is certainly an admirable position, considering cheating is quite the dishonorable action. Just know that your honesty will come at the expense of her serenity.
If you decide to profess the truth to your girlfriend, be ready to come face to face with the reality that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Upon hearing the news, she is going to vacillate between a weeping, wounded woman and a vengeful, vehement vixen.
She has the right to feel her feelings, so don’t you dare become resentful, no matter what her response is.
The good news is, if your relationship can survive a cheating episode, you and your girlfriend will be stronger for it. This situation could become a catalyst for both of you to rededicate yourselves to your partnership and encourage each of you to work through relational issues as a team.
Together you can figure out what went wrong and what caused you to cheat in the first place. As a couple, you can compose a relationship road map that will help you avoid future mishaps.
Whatever you decide, good luck. You’re gonna need it!