5 Ways To Practice Slow Love

Women's Dating

5 Ways to Practice Slow Love

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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In 1986, when Italian chef Carlo Petrini saw a McDonald’s restaurant being constructed near the historic Spanish Steps in Rome, he quietly said “Enough.”

What followed was a movement he founded in response to non-nutritious fast food simply called “slow food.”

At first the group was small with a single-minded goal: boycott fast food and return to the more time-consuming preparations that grandmothers had perfected, which included a wider variety of plants than are commercially grown.

Before long, the missives of slow food included supporting local farmers, avoiding mass-produced food, choosing organic, taking the time needed to prepare unprocessed food from scratch and joining family and friends more often at communal tables.

Today, the worldwide slow food movement has given way to other lifestyle trends that eschew technology and a fast-paced, often unhealthy life.

These include slow travel and slow design. These movements put human mental and physical health above profits and technology.

Slow love emerges.

In the world of online dating, digital hookups, speed dating, sexting and high breakup rates, it only makes sense “slow love” should emerge.

Slow love is a philosophy I coined in my book “The 30-Day Love Detox” to describe a trend where men and women put quality relationships above sexual opportunity by slowing down the pace of the physical relationship to allow the vulnerable emotional brain to create a more lasting bond.

It’s a way to say no to junk food sex and and yes to a healthy, supportive relationship.

And, make no mistake about it, slow love isn’t some old-fashioned return to traditional gender roles where women withhold sex to make a man think his longing is love.

It’s a call for new courtship rituals that allow the men and women to build trust before sex.

“Low-criteria relationships make it difficult

to make sound relationship choices.”

The tenants of slow love are:

1. Dump junk food sex!

And get rid of poor nutritional relationships. Low-criteria relationships — the ones that bring sex without commitment or expressions of love — cloud our vision and make it difficult to make sound relationship choices.

They also train our bodies to need low-substance variety.

2. Say no!

Adopt healthy sexual boundaries. Learn the vital communication skills you need to slow down the pace of a new romantic relationship.

3. Wait!

Delay the onset of sexual activity with a new partner until a healthy degree of emotional intimacy is established.

4. Stop typing!

Reduce the use of digital technology in courtship. Supplement it with telephone conversations and face-to-face nonsexual interactions.

5. Say “I love you” before sex.

Create a positive “passion turning point” through sex by exchanging a verbal expression of love before sexual activity begins.

I hope you’ll read more about slow love in “The 30-Day Love Detox” so you can find the care and commitment you deserve.

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