Dating Coach Cora Boyd Teaches the Soft Skills Singles Need to Thrive in Their Relationships

The Short Version: Cora Boyd’s work as a dating and relationship coach has guided hundreds of clients into the most fulfilling romantic relationships of their lives. She draws from her experience as a matchmaker to provide insight on single people’s dating patterns and relationship needs. The Seattle-based dating coach is passionate about helping her clients acquire the necessary soft skills to succeed in the dating realm. She also owns a flirting school called Flirt Harder where she teaches people how to attract partners more effectively.

Cora Boyd entered the dating industry by working for a matchmaking company. She said the career path appealed to her because it aligned with her interests and her educational background in psychology.

“I heard about it and I was like, whoa, I’ve got to do that,” she said. “I have always loved dating and romance. I had an interest in love and human connection, so I sought out that matchmaking job.”

For two years, Cora worked with clients as their dating concierge to help them find romantic partners. She learned about her clients and what they were looking for in a match. Cora’s work entailed interviewing prospects on behalf of her clients and creating matchmaking introductions that fit their criteria.

During that time, she got to know the different perspectives of single people because she was interviewing her clients and their potential matches day in and day out. As a result of her work, she became more aware of people’s behavioral patterns and frustrations.

“People are having a broad range of experiences, but why is it that so many people are feeling frustrated with dating?” she asked. “There’s this common narrative and the zeitgeist of like, oh, you know, dating sucks. When ideally, it’s a really exciting growth process. So I tuned in to all of that, and that’s when I decided to start my own business.”

Initially, Cora exclusively worked with men to help them better understand and connect with women, but she now works with women as well. While her expertise is mostly in the heterosexual attraction realm, she also has some classes and programs that are queer-friendly.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship, then you know how much of an emotional rollercoaster dating can be. Sometimes, you love your partner to death, and at other times, you can’t stand their annoying habits. The highs are high, and the lows can be low. 

“There’s a lot of skill in dating and relationships, and a lot of inner work is necessary to thrive in these spaces,” she said. “There are so many soft skills that go into dating, and so much emotional intelligence is also required. It’s not about disconnecting from your feelings. It’s about knowing how to connect with your feelings and navigate them.”

The only way to experience the fulfillment of dating, according to Cora, is by being open to a new relationship and fully participating in the experience. She said this includes developing relational skills, soft skills, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness.

“I want to just take away all the rest of the fluff and teach a man to fish, so to speak,” she said. “People can really master this realm of their lives, which ultimately leads to so much [happiness]. We know from lots of research that the quality of our love, or the quality of our relationships, is the number one predictor of happiness.” 

Cora noticed in her matchmaking job that many men were eager to learn the shifting landscapes and evolving conversations around gender dynamics in the heterosexual dating realm. She gave the example of how many single men were no longer sure how to approach a woman and distinguish the line between what may be perceived as creepy and what’s assertive.

Cora saw that the so-called experts and community spaces available to single men were mostly perpetuating toxic dynamics and toxic masculinity. She said the good-hearted men were simply looking to develop their skills in connecting with women. Cora passionately dove into this area to help. Her current work with men centers around untangling healthy masculinity from toxic masculinity, especially as it relates to women and healthy relationships.

On the other side of the coin, Cora also helps women understand how men have been conditioned to be shut off from their emotions and how that shows up — or not — in romantic relationships. Cora said this was the biggest motivator to start her business, and five years later, she has seen an increase in people’s desire to get into personal development and refine their soft skills.

Cora runs a flirting school called Flirt Harder. The online, self-paced program highlights the importance of personal development in dating and relationships. The focus isn’t just on learning how to flirt – it’s about learning how to build self-confidence in dating and relationships. 

Flirt Harder group classes address important dating issues that crop up for many people. Not all singles know how to shift a relationship dynamic from friendly to flirty, and that can be a major hurdle early on.

“Things like always being perceived as the friend, not knowing how to meet romantic prospects, not enjoying yourself on dates — all of this can be solved by increasing flirting skills and [being] savvy because it’s super fun,” she said. “I often say to my clients, ‘People want to see you again if they enjoy being in your presence.’ So it’s very important to prioritize the qualitative elements in dating and relationships because that’s a huge piece of it.”

Cora cautioned that, while it’s normal to lack patience or enthusiasm in the getting-to-know-you process, such feelings may show up in your interactions with other people and repel potential partners.

Flirting is simply a form of play, Cora said. That’s why she encourages people to focus on being more playful in conversations.

“Break free of rote transactional rhythm of like, I say this, then you say this, then you ask me where I’m from, then I ask you how many siblings you have,” she said. “It’s not that it’s bad. It’s just neutral energy. Flirtation is very much about creating an energetic charge. And that’s what differentiates that neutral platonic energy from excited romantic energy.”

Cora explained that adding play in your conversation can be accomplished through humor, little conversational games, or imaginary situations. “It’s just a matter of taking it off script and having fun together, and not worrying so much about being efficient – because playing is not about efficiency. Lean into the element of play in your conversations with people on dates,” she said.

Flirting is very much about creating and holding tension, which can sometimes feel uncomfortable, said Cora. She said there are many other areas of life where we’re taught to defuse tension and discomfort at all costs, and that’s why people have a lot of platonic experiences on dates because they’re trying to neutralize the romantic tension without realizing it.

“What we want is to allow some space for that discomfort and to savor the discomfort, savor the tension,” she explained. “My advice is to slow down in conversation and allow space, allow pause, allow some awkwardness and enjoy it because we call it sexual tension for a reason. It’s kind of uncomfortable. So lean into fun discomfort with each other.”

Cora’s biggest takeaway is that anyone who is single can get better at dating or flirting and feel more attractive as a result. 

“There’s kind of a narrative of like, oh, you have it or you don’t — you get it or you don’t,” she told us. “And while I do think it’s true that maybe some people have a natural proclivity, anyone can learn it, and anyone can improve. You’re gonna see better results in your love life, often with pretty simple tweaks. It has to do with your understanding, your behaviors, your mindset, and how you carry yourself.”

To make dating education more accessible and convenient, Cora has a high-level membership called Magnetics Love School. The membership grants clients access to her classes as well as two coaching calls a month. She aims to continue to be a wingwoman with this offer and support single people in meaningful ways. 

“It’s not just developing these understandings and these skills, but integrating them and implementing them in real-time,” she said. “However, you do it, you absolutely can learn this. And it’s not too late. Everyone always thinks it’s too late, but it’s not.”