How Avoid Online Dating Obsessions

Men's Dating

How to Avoid Online Dating Obsessions

Sam Stieler

Written by: Sam Stieler

Sam Stieler

Sam has been writing about dating and relationships for more than three years now. He holds a bachelor's degree from Bucknell University, has self-published a few of his own books and is currently working on mastering the double right turn in his salsa dancing classes.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Advertiser Disclosure

When properly used, online dating works as a really effective supplement to a normal, healthy, real dating life. While it’s absolutely possible to meet your next hookup, girlfriend or wife online, you probably won’t have a lot of dating success with any woman you meet online if you don’t have a solid base of social skills built up from meeting and flirting with women in the real world.

Online dating confidence does NOT necessarily translate into real world dating success. Unfortunately, a whole lot of men forget this key point and use online dating as a full-on substitute for analog dating, and that’s a real problem.

Men who give online dating too much importance tend to make the following mistakes:

1. They spend too much unproductive time online.

It’s really easy to log on to an online dating website and spend hours checking and re-checking women’s profiles without sending out a single message.

This is the digital equivalent of going to a park, a coffee shop or a bar and spending hours looking at all the pretty girls and failing to say “hi” to any of them, and it’s just as debilitating to your emotional state.

Furthermore, girls can see when you visit their profiles, and checking out a girl over and over again without saying anything is very creepy. If you do manage to muster up the stones to actually send her a message after she sees you’ve looked at her more than 13 times, she’s unlikely to respond.

Keep your time online short and focused. Never allow yourself to log on and just browse. Always arrive online with a goal in mind (like sending out three messages), then log off the second you reach that goal.


“Online dating is a great introduction to

looking for and talking to new women.”

2. They spend more time flirting online than in person.

You should always, always, always spend more time talking to girls in person than talking to them online. Nothing will make you feel better and improve your dating skills more than person-to-person contact with attractive girls.

Additionally, spending more time talking to girls in real life will take the desperate edge off your online communications and make you more successful with your digital dating life as well.

Spend AT LEAST twice as long spending time with attractive girls in the real world than you spend messaging girls online. Remember that the goal of online dating is to meet in person, not to endlessly instant message.

3. They have too many profiles.

You will always do better if you focus on one to three dating websites than if you try to find love every single place you think might get you a date.

Personally, I believe you’ll get the best results signing up for just one site. If you remain focused and know exactly what you’re looking for, there’s no need to spread your focus among multiple digital opportunities.

Figure out what you’re looking for, and then find the one to three sites whose client base matches just that.

4. They worry what other people will think.

Who cares that you’re on an online dating site? These days, online dating is totally normal and is the second most common way couples find each other, right behind meeting through friends.

If you’re open and honest about dating online, you never need to worry that someone will see your profile and “catch” you. Additionally, you shouldn’t worry if you want to join an online dating site right after you get out of a serious relationship.

In this circumstance, online dating is a great introduction to looking for and talking to new women — an introduction that is low impact and noncommittal enough to help you through a difficult time in your dating life.

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