11 Gay Dating Tips From Reddit

Dating as a gay person has changed a lot. For decades, people in the LGBTQ+ community had to hide their identity in the past to fit in or stay safe. But between specialized dating apps and queer media normalizing these relationships, gay dating is in a new era. 

That said, it doesn’t come without its challenges. 

Plenty of my friends in the queer community have turned to the internet for advice from time to time — especially when it comes to dating and relationships. I’ve had some friends rely on ChatGPT for feedback when they’re in conflict with their partners. I’ve even known others who consulted psychics to gain insight into the future of their love life (this ended up wasting their time… and their money). 

Regardless, we all need a little help sometimes in the dating department. If you ask me, the best and most relatable advice comes straight from the source. Ahead, I’ve compiled the best gay dating tips you can find on Reddit.

It’s natural to feel nervous before going on a date. In fact, most of us probably do. The act of getting to know someone new, sharing things about yourself, and potentially developing a connection can feel scary. A large part of that anxiety often stems from the fear that your date may not like you or find you attractive enough. 

It’s human nature to want others to like you, but it may not be beneficial to obsess over what they think of you. One Reddit post about helpful gay dating advice put that sentiment into simple terms: “Worry less about if they like you, and more about if you even like them,” the user wrote. 

Sometimes this is easier said than done, but it’s always a good reminder.

When I feel nervous before a first date, I try to remind myself that dates are a two-way interview; you are learning more about the other person and deciding how you feel about them while they are doing the same with you.  

Despite your best efforts, not everyone you meet will become a huge fan of yours. In the same way that you’ve likely met people who weren’t your cup of tea, others may not experience compatibility with you or your personality.

The good news is, it’s not your job to be liked by everyone else. The most important thing is being the best “you” that you can be.

Reddit user roferg69 put this idea beautifully into words in a thread on gay dating advice. “You can be the juiciest, ripest, plumpest, most beautiful and delicious peach in the whole wide world… and you’ll still run into people who don’t like peaches,” he wrote. “Focus on making yourself into the very best peach you can be. At worst, you’ll be delicious — and at best, you’ll find somebody that loves peaches.”

Whether you’re new to gay dating or have been on the market for years, being rejected by a potential partner can sting. If you’re excited about someone and develop strong feelings, only to find out that those feelings aren’t mutual, it’s valid to be hurt or upset. 

In these moments, it’s important to remember your worth. Facing rejection from someone you like doesn’t define who you are or how much you deserve love and appreciation.

A Reddit user by the name of ThrowAwayGay888750 said to think of it as “his loss:” “Position yourself emotionally so that a complete stranger cannot hurt your feelings,” he wrote. “Your attitude toward a rejection should be something along the lines of: ‘meh… his loss.’ If you are not ready to take this attitude, you are not ready to date because you’re going to get hurt.”

There has been a sort of mantra going around online that I’ve really taken to heart — “I don’t chase, I attract.” While it may sound cliché, this mindset is one of the best ways to approach your dating life. Rather than putting so much pressure on yourself to “keep” someone around or force a relationship to work, gnomon_knows on Reddit says to focus on enjoying the moment and taking things slowly.

“I know I seem desperate in these texts. I really like him.” — Reddit query for advice

After another user posted screenshots of their texts with another man who canceled their date, gnomon_knows commented with some great gay dating advice.

“Don’t beg. It reads clingy and desperate, when at this point in a relationship you just need to play it cool and make sure your enthusiasm levels match,” he told the poster. The fact is, you don’t really know a person you’re just starting to date, and they don’t know you either. Maintain your composure and don’t ever beg for someone’s attention or affirmation.”  

As the saying goes, there’s a first time for everything. If you’re young and new to the dating world, you may have a plethora of questions and concerns. That’s normal. Sometimes all you need to hear is that things are going to be okay.

If this is true for you, you’re not alone. Someone by the username EmoCreeper posted on Reddit asking for gay dating advice at the tender age of 19. Many others chimed in, and one comment really helped. 

“Don’t sweat it. Your best years are ahead of you. 19 is young. It really is.” — A wise older Redditor

User staysuede shared that he was a gay man who grew up in the South, where he had a hard time finding even gay friends, let alone people to date. He shared with EmoCreeper that once he broadened his horizons, he was able to have a better dating experience as a young person.

“I decided I’d have to explore the world to find my true love, which in turn led to self-reliance and a broadening of what I had thought I wanted,” he wrote.

Everyone has their own desires when it comes to dating. Some people may just be looking for a casual fling or hookup, while others may want to meet the love of their life. Reddit user acurah56oh made a post on the site about the latter.

He shared that he was new to gay dating and was looking for “a committed, monogamous, loving relationship.” He received some really great advice, mostly to download an app.

Online dating has become more essential these days, but over the past decade, there are more dating apps than ever for you to choose from. In this Reddit thread, a few helpful recommendations were made for dating apps that can help you find a real relationship. 

User thisdude415 suggested trying Hinge to find people interested in a serious relationship, as opposed to hookup apps like Grindr. Another user, Sandlicker, said that he had luck and met his husband using OkCupid. These are apps known to help facilitate real-life connections and plenty of gay folks have found success on them. 

We’ve all made social faux pas before, especially in a nerve-wracking setting like a first date. Sharing an embarrassing story or snorting while you laugh may seem like the end of the world when you’re trying to impress a date, but there are worse things you can do. 

For example, Reddit user Ryuuken1127 posted a comment on a gay dating dos and don’ts thread urging the poster not to pick up their phone while on a date — especially when you’re getting dating app notifications in front of the other person. It seems they may have had this negative experience in the past. 

Another comment from Virtus11 suggested waiting a while before digging into your dating history with someone new. “Don’t talk about your exes on at least the first four or five dates,” they wrote. “It’s okay to talk about your past, but some conversations are best had once the relationship is more established.”

That same thread made a good point about all this blanket advice: Don’t take any dating advice too seriously. There are always exceptions.

“These other people here are posting based on their experiences. Unless you’re going out with them, don’t bother taking anything anybody is saying as the gospel truth.” — Reddit voice of reason

Everyone from your Aunt Shannon to random Redditor #394 will have an opinion about your dating life. Know when to listen and take their words to heart…and when to politely smile, nod, and change the subject.

“The ick” has become a common phrase on social media in recent years. Essentially, it refers to that icky feeling you get from a potential partner (or even your current one) when they do something unattractive, annoying, or embarrassing. Typically, these things end up being turn-offs, and once you get the ick, it’s hard to come back from it. 

One Reddit thread asked people to share their personal dating icks, and there were a wide array of answers. Some people said that smoking and littering were major no-nos for them, and I’d have to agree with that. Others had more unique icks:

• Texting “hehe” instead of “haha”
• Drinking a lot of Diet Coke
• Taking photos of their food at a restaurant
• Saying things like “the ick” or “that’s cringe”

Although some people’s icks may seem minor or even unreasonable, it’s important to remember that everyone has their own preferences. What is attractive or acceptable to one person may be a total dealbreaker for another.

It’s OK to get the ick sometimes, as long as you’re not writing someone off for something they genuinely cannot change about themselves.

Now that dating apps have been the norm for so long, it seems harder to meet potential dates in real life. Many people stare down at their phones in public, and approaching a stranger to woo them may feel uncomfortable or even creepy. That said, there are settings where it makes sense to flirt and express interest in someone you find attractive. 

A gay Reddit user, Powerful-Trust-9529, asked for advice in a post about how to meet new people IRL. One helpful comment encouraged them to approach people with a friendly yet confident mindset.

“Just relax and talk to people like you’re already their acquaintance. Like you’re just making a new friend and see who strikes you as a good match,” they said. “They may even see you as a match and do the work for you. Confidence is key, if you pretend you’ve already met them (in your head of course) way less pressure!”

Dating in your 20s can be difficult — take it from Reddit user baseballblue. He posted a thread asking for advice due to his loneliness and struggles with dating as a young gay man. Plenty of comments offered really meaningful advice, but there was a common theme that anyone can (and should) apply to their dating life.

“You just may be looking in the wrong places. Get involved in hobbies you like.” — Reddit user

While finding a partner and building a romantic relationship may be important to you, it should never be the main focus of your life. If it is, you’ll lose a lot of yourself in the process. Plus, nurturing your sense of self and focusing on your hobbies and interests can help you more easily connect with people who have things in common. 

“The best advice that I’ve learned is finding joy by yourself, and explore hobbies that interest you. This has attracted people with similar values and interest as my own,” user thisispalatable wrote in a comment. Others chimed in as well, suggesting local kickball leagues or joining a hobby group for outdoor activities like camping or hiking. Trying new social groups is a great and enjoyable way to meet people with similar interests and values.

There’s no doubt that dating in the digital age, especially when you’re trying to find other gay people to date, can be challenging. Although you may have to put in some effort, you’re definitely not alone in your journey to find a partner. Reddit is full of people who share similar gay dating experiences and have plenty of advice to offer. 

Whether you choose to source info or advice from a friend, relative, or stranger on the internet, it’s never a bad idea to seek opinions and input from people you trust. You never know, they just may have the exact nuggets of wisdom you need to get out there and find your next date.