What Is Hookup Culture? And How Does It Impact Singles?

The “Sex and the City” franchise is powerful as an exploration of careers, friendship, and personality (as lifestyle journalists, all of us at DatingAdvice are naturally Carries). It shines in its honest depiction of the sex lives of independent and successful women.

The four main characters of “Sex and the City” — Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte — all have dramatically different relationships with sex and dating. Charlotte is a romantic with more traditional values, while Samantha loves casual sex. They all have different levels of satisfaction and, more often than not, frustration with the sexual expectations placed on them by society.

Hookup culture describes the rise in short-term relationships — mostly casual sexual encounters — within the dating mainstream.

“Sex and the City” shows the complicated ways that hookup culture can empower and disempower singles.

Many people hold black-and-white opinions about the rise in casual sex. Either it’s a win for sexual empowerment, or it’s a scourge on marriage and family values. But, like most things, the truth seems to be somewhere in the middle. Hookup culture makes it easier for singles to have fun as they define it but harder to find that long-term love most of us crave, if only in secret.

While hookup culture has its origins in the 1920s, most people see it as a true product of the 1960s, taking off in its current form in the late 2000s.

As each generation gains more freedom — the 1920s had the rise of automobiles and movie theaters, the 1960s produced the sexual liberation movement and the birth control pill, and the 2000s gave us social media and online dating — hookup culture takes a new hold.

Cultural Influences

In 2023, the median age of first marriage for women was 28.4 years old, while in 1956, the median age for a woman to be married was 20.1. People get married later in life now, leaving more time to be independent, live on their own, and, of course, have fun. 

Most people expect to have a few years in early adulthood to figure out what they want in romantic and sexual relationships. For some, this may mean going on dates, while for others, it means partying and hooking up without commitment. For most, it means a little bit of both.

And with online dating so easily available, finding dates or sexual partners has never been easier.

The Role of Technology

Dating platforms like Tinder and Bumble mean that for most singles, there are many fish in the sea. It’s easier than ever to initiate a casual sexual encounter or to go out with someone and not take it super seriously. After all, the next person is right around the corner (in the case of Grindr, sometimes literally 100 feet away). 

Many singles see dating apps as something of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, their prevalence has made it nearly impossible to meet partners consistently any other way, but they often make it tricky for singles to put their all into any one date.

Not knocking online dating. It works for many people. Profile tags often make it easy to figure out if you and your match are aligned in relationship goals and lifestyle.

Social Expectations & Peer Pressure

Young singles find themselves in many settings that encourage hookup culture or, at the very least, an apathetic attitude toward committed relationships. 

Those who attend college know there is often a baseline assumption of casual sex, whether at parties or in sexual relationships with friends. Similarly, young professionals in urban areas often feel a social pressure not to “look for anything too serious,” focusing solely on their careers and letting sex and romance be a casual component of their lives. 

Wanting a committed relationship can be treated as naive in these circles and, for some women in particular, a sign of weakness or antithetical to their career success. 

Having the choice to hook up freely — with whoever you want — is a huge win for personal freedoms. It wasn’t until 2003 that Lawrence v. Texas protected gay sex within the United States. Sexual freedom is an important liberty for all people, and it should be treated as such.

Empowerment & Freedom

For some people — especially women and queer people — hookup culture is seen as liberating, allowing individuals to explore their sexuality freely. Many who grew up within purity culture were taught to have shame around sexuality, and choosing to forego that shame can be a major component of empowerment.

Hookup culture can break down traditional gender roles in relationships. Women may feel more confident to take charge sexually or, as Carrie Bradshaw said, “enjoy sex like a man.” Queer people may enjoy divorcing sex from how they present or any sort of gender binary.

No Pressure

Long-term relationships require commitment, and not everyone wants that. Some people never do. Others want to focus on a different facet of their lives, like their careers, their friends, or traveling, before looking to settle down.

Through hooking up, singles can enjoy relationships without the pressure of long-term expectations or obligations.

This may just mean having sex, or it may look like genuine romance — going on dates, having long talks, spending the night — without expectations. For some, this allows for the human connection they crave without forcing them to commit.

Opportunity for Self-Exploration

Sometimes, meeting the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with means never learning about unexplored facets of yourself that someone else could open up. 

A friend of mine is bisexual, and she was in a serious relationship with a man. She decided to end the relationship because she knew she would feel unfulfilled if she had never been with a woman. Now, she primarily dates women and would never have known that part of herself if she stayed in that relationship.

Hookups can offer space for individuals to better understand their desires, preferences, and emotional needs.

While it can be fun for some people, hooking up isn’t for everyone (transparently, myself included). Keeping relationships casual may mean that you’re always open to new people and experiences, but those experiences can lack stability and romantic support. Worse yet, the expectations of hookup culture can make it hard to ask for what you need and deserve.

Emotional Fallout

Perhaps the clearest con to hookup culture is the risk of emotional pain and heartache. When you get used to casual sex, you may begin to experience emotional detachment and difficulty forming long-term relationships when you want them. Commitment can become scary, and when things get serious, you may end up running away.

And sex without connection can feel hollow. Some may say that comes from the vestiges of purity culture within us, but that doesn’t change our lived emotional experiences. Many people feel emptiness, loneliness, or regret after a hookup. While I was never big on hooking up, the few casual experiences I had in college mostly left me feeling empty and disconnected from myself.

Ghosting & Miscommunication

Hookup culture creates relationships that are casual by definition, which can lead to unclear expectations about what we owe each other. Ghosting becomes common, and relationships often end without closure. Even if the situation was casual, that can still hurt.

Pressure to Conform

Many people — especially in urban and collegiate circles — feel a social pressure to enter casual relationships. Women often feel they need to be the “Cool Girl” and put up with noncommittal relationships that go against their emotional needs.

While hookup culture gets lauded as being empowering for women, its very cultural element means that women experience a new pressure: to pursue relationships pretending they have the same values as their primarily male partners.

Bad Mental Health

Whether you’re hooking up or dating seriously, your interactions with romantic and sexual partners can dramatically affect your self-image. Casual encounters can put you in vulnerable situations with near strangers who haven’t proven their trustworthiness or care for you in the same way a serious partner would. 

The more people you’re involved with, the more opportunity for drama. I’ve been with my partner for four years; I never spend time doubting our relationship or how he feels about me. When I was dating casually, my relationships took up plenty of brain space, much of which was negative.

Changing Perceptions on Intimacy

Dating for long-term relationships means looking for love, commitment, and emotional connection. Hooking up can involve some romantic connection, but it’s always going to be more fleeting and superficial. While that can be fun for a bit, it can take the potential for romantic love and depth out of your life.

While hookup culture may look different than it did 30 years ago, people have been having casual sex for quite a while. Still, the face of hookup culture — and its prevalence within the mainstream — will likely shift and evolve.

Long-Term Effects

The idea that singles have the right to hook up is here to stay despite challenges toward women’s reproductive freedom coming from the US government. But more young singles are realizing that sex without connection may not be the best for them personally. 

If they want casual relationships, they often want those relationships to incorporate romance, and many still want commitment.

Dating apps like Feeld celebrate relationships that prioritize connection over any one set relationship structure, and an increasing number of young singles are allowing their relationships to live outside the traditional binaries of long-term and monogamous or short-term and open.

Younger Generations Want More

Young people are beginning to shift their romantic focus toward long-term relationships and away from casual flings. Hinge found that post-pandemic, many people have realigned their romantic priorities toward love and away from casual sex. This makes sense, as Gen Z is having less sex than any other generation.

The Role of Communication & Boundaries

As hookup culture has become more prevalent, many people have put effort into navigating it in a way that is respectful and kind. Open conversations about intentions and desires can help mitigate negative aspects of hookup culture, so many singles try to communicate their specific wants for a relationship upfront.

Still, the incorporation of mental health speak to a dating culture isn’t always positive, and terms like “boundaries” can be used, in the wrong hands, to skirt accountability or to avoid compromise. Make sure that when you’re thinking of these terms, you’re doing so in good faith and not just using them to moralize against your partner.

If you want to hook up, you should! But don’t go into it blind. I’ll lay out some pro tips for you.

1. Set Boundaries & Manage Expectations

Whether you’re seeking casual relationships or something more serious, figure out what you truly want and let your partners know.

If you know spending too much time together will be emotionally confusing, set boundaries. If you can tell they’re getting feelings, don’t lead them on.

2. Communicate Openly With Partners

Honesty and transparency can prevent hurt feelings and confusion. Don’t pretend you want more or less than you actually do. Never lie about what you want to make your partner feel better in the moment.

3. Protect Your Emotional Well-Being

Stay in tune with how your hookups are affecting you emotionally. If casual sex is taking a toll on you, pull back; the whole point of keeping relationships casual is for them to be easier, not harder!

4. Do What Works for You & Forget the Noise

Find your personal balance between enjoying casual encounters and searching for meaningful connections.

If you realize one relationship structure works for you over others, pursue that instead of worrying what other people want for you.

New technology and cultural norms will certainly continue to change how hookup culture looks over time. Each generation learns from the generation before them, forming new values and beliefs around sex and relationships.

No matter what relationship structure is in vogue now or in the future, try your best to pursue relationships that are true to your value system. 

That could mean getting married and being monogamous, having open relationships, engaging in casual sex, or anything in between. All that matters is that you and your partners are happy and respected.