Why Did She Stop Texting Me? 8 Possible Explanations

It happens all the time.  You meet someone, online or at a party, and you swap info and start texting each other. Maybe you go out a few times. At some point, the texting stops. Maybe it petered out.  Maybe it stops cold. Either way, you can’t figure out what went wrong or what you did. You ask your buddies and show them your text thread(s). They don’t know! Now frustrated, you hop online, pop in some search terms, and see if the internet can help with the age-old question: “Why did she stop texting me?”

The simplest answer is that we will never know exactly – but it’s usually a combination of factors.  If suddenly your cutie has gone silent, check out the list below to see if any of these reasons stand out to you.

Text messaging has become its own art form.  Back in the day, it was mixed tapes and passed notes that sparked romance. Now it’s the era of the emoji. Some people thrive in the digital setting, but it isn’t ideal for everyone. If she is bubbly and sends a bunch of quick, easy, and light messages, and you respond, “yup,” or with a Debbie Downer comment, “yeah, but I don’t like hot weather,” it’s not the same vibe. 

Sometimes it’s as simple as asking more questions and giving more to the conversation. Here are some examples of ways to keep the texting from dying:

• Tell me more about that
• How do you feel about that?
• What’s your opinion on this?
• What are your plans for this weekend?

Throw out some questions or some jokes to see if it changes things. Some of my friends and I communicate almost solely by memes. If you’re sending her funny memes and gifs, and she’s responding with words and comments, it just may be that you have two different texting styles. As this is the beginning of a relationship, with not much foundation, it may just fade away.

You may have done everything right! You sent a nice follow-up text after your first date. You’re witty and engaging, and she seemed to have fun with you. You’re not over-texting her or leaving her on read. Even though there were no obvious red flags, things disappeared. 

While we may think we are a good catch (and we are!), you’re not going to be everybody’s flavor. It may feel frustrating because you “didn’t do anything wrong,” but it could just be that there was no chemistry or maybe your scent wasn’t enticing.

Everybody says they want the truth, but for the most part, they don’t really.  At the beginning, before you’ve had time to build a rapport, sometimes little things can rub you the wrong way and give you the “ick.”  Maybe they chew weird.  Perhaps they have an unflattering clothing style.  Or you felt they were rude to the bartender.  Whatever it was turned you off. But how do you tell that to someone?  

If her pictures had her 20 pounds lighter, and you are just not attracted to that particular body type, that’s understandable. But telling her that is probably going to hit all of her insecurities.

I remember dating a wonderful, sweet, loving, caring, good, hot, sexy, fun, sun-kissed blonde who made my friends’ jaws drop. But she was (bless her heart) dumb as a rock. After a while, I realized it just could work and broke up with her – and she was devastated. But there was no WAY I would ever tell her the real reason. Sometimes, it’s just easier to disappear.

It can be challenging to figure out what another person is looking for in a relationship. Do I play cool and mysterious?  Or do I go for goofy and fun?  When you start texting each other, it may be fun. If there was a connection, it can be fun hearing that dopamine “ping,” knowing it’s her.  A lot of guys tend to enjoy the present moment and feel wary of pushing anything out of their comfort zone. 

On the other hand, many women look at texting as a step in an escalating relationship. It’s a means to an end for them. Yes, it’s great to send each other articles or pics from your day, but it should also be about setting up plans to see each other. Or at least video call. If the burgeoning relationship languishes in daily banter, it can wither away.

There is every possibility that yes, she lost grandmother, she got fired, she had to go to the hospital, etc.  These things do happen. Before you start to go all scorched earth in your head, make sure you’re not accidentally sabotaging yourself. 

Nothing is going to turn her off faster than returning from her home country, after a funeral, and getting a weird barrage of text messages.  Sometimes a reminder text will spur a response, “OMG, hi, I’m so sorry I fell off the earth. My apartment flooded, and I’ve been couch surfing for over a month now looking for a place.”

Texting is great for info but is sorely lacking in nuance.  It’s really hard to be effectively funny or sarcastic without it accidentally coming across in a totally different tone.  When we communicate with each other, only about 20% of what we are conveying is done with words.  The rest is tone, body language, facial expressions, and volume.  When it’s done in the harsh black-and-white of text, the intended meaning can get muddled. Here’s a good example:

You might have thought you came off as witty and biting, when she read it as condescending and mean. 

Texting is great to check in with each other.  But you really want to save your good conversations for when it’s in person, or at least when you can at least hear and/or see each other. If it goes too long between seeing each other, you might be using text as a way to keep in contact. 

But as you’re talking and sharing your day and what you’re up to, it starts to get a little…..boring.  Instead of wondering about you and daydreaming, she knows you had cereal this morning and have a work review in the afternoon. You usually text after work, so you’re thinking about what banal thing you can talk about then. In this instance, less may be better than more.  Believe it or not, it’s not good to know everything, all the time!

We also have to consider the “worst case scenario.”  Toward the beginning, she might have a textual relationship with a few guys. Some people like to weigh all their options at the same time. And, even though we never really want to admit it to ourselves, we might not have come in first place. It’s no reflection on you, it just wasn’t the right match.  So as she might start catching feelings for one person, the others fall to the wayside.  It happens.  Brush yourself off and continue learning and growing!

There are about a million reasons why any of us do anything.  And if all of a sudden, you hear crickets on the other line, you may never know the full reason.  But that is the way life is, you’ll never know the full story.  It just means it’s not the right match for you at this time.  And you’re one step closer to finding your textual compliment!