I’ve been a dating coach for over a decade. In that time, I’ve perused thousands of dating profiles. Let me tell you, some profiles fail miserably and don’t get any matches because they aren’t making any effort at all. To me, that is time and money wasted on a dating app.
Think of your dating profile as a marketing ad. To attract your ideal client, you must be intentional in what you include. I’ve come up with six online dating strategies that will help level up your dating profile and attract high-quality matches.
1. Choose Multiple Dynamic Profile Photos
A big mistake I see is only putting one photo on the profile. It comes across as lazy. Or, worse, like you don’t care.
You have a few seconds to make a first impression. Let’s face it, people are visual creatures. Your photos aren’t just about how attractive you are, they’re also telling your story. I recommend selecting photos that highlight your life interests.
If you like live music, share a photo of you at a concert or wearing a t-shirt of your favorite band. If you like hiking, take a photo of yourself on a favorite trail.
It doesn’t need to be a posed photo either. It can be an action shot of you on the hike.
I’d say you need to have a minimum of five photos: one headshot, one full-body shot, and three lifestyle photos showing you doing an activity. Make sure they are clear, no group photos, and not more than one to two years old.
2. Fill Out Your Dating Bio
If you saw a marketing ad with only photos, no description or logo, would that confuse you? Most likely yes. You might say the product looks good, but I don’t know anything about it. Where do I get it? What is it about?
This is a big mistake I see many singles make. They leave their bio blank. If you want a REAL connection that isn’t superficial, you need to add more depth by filling out your dating profile with words that you wrote (not AI filler).
Great pictures aren’t enough if you want a real relationship. You also need to talk about yourself and convey your personality.
3. Talk About Your Values
So many singles tell me it’s hard to write about themselves. Many end up writing more about their hobbies, which is a good place to start. But if you’re looking for a serious relationship, it is also important to discuss your values and what you are looking for in a partner.
Bringing up core values will help people self-select themselves in or out more easily.
For example, I would describe my ideal partner like this: “I’m attracted to someone who is considerate, has a genuine nature, an old soul that is emotionally grounded (someone who exudes quiet confidence).”
This statement paints a picture of someone’s personality, and maybe the right person will see themselves in it.
4. Stay Away from Negativity
When I see profiles that start with “No drama please” or list all the things they don’t like, those things are big red flags in my book. It comes across as bitter.
And like the worst negative feedback loop, you end up attracting a negative person who gravitates to that kind of profile.
Instead, focus on what you enjoy in life. Discuss your passions, and stay positive in how you talk about your life and your goals. Instead of saying “No drama, please,” say, “I’m looking for someone grounded and self-aware.”
Focus on what you want to attract rather than what you don’t want.
5. Ask Meaningful Questions
The biggest complaint I hear from singles is that people aren’t asking them questions! They feel their dates talking at them instead of trying to get to know them.
They might reach out with the common question, “How are you?” Then they go into talking the whole time about themselves without asking any good questions in return.
I recommend looking at the person’s profile, reading through their interests, getting to know their personality, and asking more meaningful questions upfront.
For example, if you see a photo of them scuba diving in their profile, ask an open-ended question: “How long have you been scuba diving for and what was your favorite spot?”
Not only do you make the person feel seen, but you also show that you are paying attention to who they are as a person. That behavior will set you apart from the rest of the monologuing daters online.
6. Match their Energy in Conversation
Online dating is just the entryway to meeting each other in real life. The conversation needs to be balanced, meaning you’re not writing too little or too much when messaging.
When someone asks you a meaningful question, don’t throw out a flippant answer. Put thought into those thoughtful questions. For example, someone asks, “What makes you excited about your career?” Your response should be more than “It’s fun” or “I like my coworkers.”
Write something like “I love my career because it inspires me every day to help others and really highlight my skills.”
And after you answer, make sure you ask the person a question back! Why? Because it’s not all about you! But again, keep the answer length equal to theirs.
Don’t write a two-page essay when they are sending you a short paragraph. It can feel too overwhelming and make singles run away. Like a good ping-pong match, there is a natural back-and-forth in getting to know each other.
Give Thought to Your Online Dating Moves
Listen, I know online dating can feel like you’re lost in a jungle, but I met my husband online, so I know it works! And many of my clients have found love online too. It does take time and effort though.
Like anything in life, without the proper training and guidance, we tend to struggle and make mistakes. That’s OK as long as we’re committed to learning and changing as we go.
I’m confident that if you apply these six strategies, you’ll not only level up your dating profile but also see a big difference in the results that come in. I’m cheering you on and believe in you! Happy online dating!
