This is a fun topic for me because I believe I have more online dating experience than most people do. It has been over five years of swiping almost every single day and meeting a multitude of people on all the most poplar platforms.
So I know exactly how much energy it takes to maintain an active dating profile.
And I get that it can be easy to burn out. I hear that from my clients all the time. But online dating really works, and I think it’s worth working for that success story.
Here are my go-to tips for recovering from online dating burnout.
1. Approach It Like a Part-Time Job
I like to make guidelines for myself, meaning I create a clear-cut schedule. As in, on Monday I will swipe and message from 4 PM to 5 PM.
Give yourself a certain number of days and set times within a week that you will be “at work” in your online dating job.
The right schedule will be different for everyone. Maybe you want to say, “I will sign on four days a week, twice a day,” or maybe you only want to check in once at the end of the day. Whatever it may be, stick to your plan and set a timetable.
Why this works: Having goals and boundaries with swiping is important so you don’t become consumed by it. Sporadic swiping is too inconsistent to get results, and obsessive profile checking is just going to burn you out over time. You need to find your groove.
2. Choose the Right Dating Platform
All dating sites are different, and some work better for love seekers than others.
My favorite platform currently is Bumble. Bumble’s advanced filters with a premium membership really make curating a search easy, which in turn leads to less burnout since you are seeing more profiles that align with your preferences.
Allowing females to reach out first really does lead to more successful ratios of conversations to dates in my experience.
I find the layout of the platform to be simple, easy to search, and not overwhelming, which means it leads to less burnout. Overall, this would be my number one pick.
But if Bumble hasn’t worked for you, then I’d suggest going for a more mature and relationship-driven dating site like Match.
- Relationships: Friends, Dates, and Relationships
- Match System: Browse by zip, age, appearance, more
- Our Experts Say: Match has facilitated the most dates and relationships of any dating site, and its large audience and high success rate make it our top review. Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
Match is another great platform for burnt-out daters because it has a bit of a slower pace. and the profiles are much more detailed. This allows the user to get more information on a match before swiping yes.
Bumble only allows a short space for a person’s About Me, while Match has an exceptionally large summary for the individual to market themselves. This way, the Match user is swiping extremely mindfully with a lot of information to go on.
And for my last pick, eharmony has taken strides to turn romantic compatibility into a science, and it’s well worth joining if swiping is getting you down.
- Relationships: Casual Dates, Deep Relationships
- Match System: Personality test suggests matches
- Our Experts Say: Accounting for 2% of U.S. marriages, eharmony’s compatibility-based system and commitment-minded user base are ideal for those seeking a serious relationship. Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
eharmony is a valuable site to help in avoiding burnout because of its very intentional user base. eharmony has an intense intake process, and it uses a comprehensive compatibility system to make the best possible matches.
This site typically attracts serious, relationship-minded users, so you may get fewer matches, but the matches you do get are thoughtfully selected and looking for love.
You can spend fewer hours swiping on this platform and still know you are matching with compatible singles.
3. Create Time Limits Within Your Schedule
If you plan to be online dating today, don’t endlessly swipe and be constantly on the platform.
Say, “I will swipe for a 30-minute time window max.” When that time limit has been reached, log off and then come back on your next online dating day.
Similar to social media, you need daily limits. Otherwise it can become unhealthy.
4. Be Mindful of Who You’re Swiping Right On
Don’t swipe yes on everyone. Your time is valuable, so make sure you are truly reading through profiles and only aligning yourself with people you feel are worth your time.
I like to tell my clients to think of online dating as a house party. Imagine going to a party as a single person and trying to talk to every person there. Too exhausting!
You most likely would connect with only one new person at that party because you only have so much time and energy to mingle.
Just because you have a lot of choices online, it does not mean you need to chat with everyone. Being selective is a much better strategy.
Believe it or not, this also helps curate your algorithm well. I believe strongly in quality over quantity.
5. Make Your Profile Irresistible
Online dating is exhausting. I understand that. I hear that all the time from my clients. It’s also a great opportunity that you can’t afford to pass up if you’re single.
Starting with a strong profile is key, as it will market you in your best light and make sure you are attracting the right people.
You have to be strategic to ensure your time isn’t wasted. That means being honest about what you want and putting thoughtful answers into every prompt.
Don’t say: “I’m bad at writing these, ask me a question.”
Instead say: “I’m a great conversationalist and amateur online dater. I’d love to talk football or rank our favorite sci-fi movies.”
Being specific like that will attract more responses because you’re doing the work of coming up with conversation starters and revealing interesting parts of yourself. That’s attractive!
I’d also recommend online daters edit their bios and swap in new profile photos to shake things up. Revamp your profile to bring a fresh perspective every now and then. This’ll help with your match algorithm because the apps like to promote active users and fresh content.
6. Avoid Pen Pals
Don’t allow yourself to get into pen pal scenarios with anyone online.
Keep conversations short. Three to five exchanges are enough to judge compatibility, and then you can take it offline either for an in-person date or a phone date.
This is an important boundary between you and the online world. Commit to planning dates within less than a week of chatting. That way, you’re interacting with people in real life.
The goal is to truly meet the person and get off the platform. So stop endlessly texting and ask that online crush to meet you in real life.
7. Have Clear Goals
Make sure you are clear on what it is you are looking for online. If you lose focus on that, you can get lost in all the options available.
Stay true to your values and what is truly important to you. That way, you will keep a clear mindset when you are online.
I think a big part of my success with dating online comes from how clear-minded I am when I am doing it.
It is a job for me, and I know the client well so I don’t get swayed or off track.
8. Only Interact with Verified Profiles
This is a very important key to the online dating process. Only connect with verified profiles on the app.
That is not to say you can’t match with someone who isn’t verified, but you should request that they get verified before getting into a conversation.
This helps you avoid scam profiles and make sure you are using your time online valuably.
Wasting time on catfish is a common online dating mistake that can lead to burnout. We want to know we are interacting with real people. So keep an eye out for that checkmark.
9. Practice Self-Care and Keep a Positive Mindset
Take a deep breath. Don’t get too focused on the process. Dating should only be one small part of your life. Make sure you are still engaging in your hobbies, social life, work life, and other spaces where you find fulfillment.
This helps create a healthy life balance, which is actually crucial to attractiveness.
Be intentional about when you online date, and set boundaries to ensure it doesn’t become your whole personality and full-time hobby.
So let’s say you commute to work on the train. Of course, you could spend the whole time scrolling the platforms for dates. I say don’t do that if it is outside your set schedule.
Instead of going down a swipe rabbit hole, listen to that favorite podcast and enjoy the scenery as you are on the train.
10. Hire Professional Help
Many matchmakers and dating coaches specialize in this area. I’m one of them! Our company, Cohen Gray Connections, is extremely well-versed in online dating.
We have taught clients how to effectively date online so the experience is not only more enjoyable but more successful.
My ultimate goal is to make online dating easier for you. I want to make it so that you don’t give up and can actually achieve the results you are looking for. Without all the headaches!
Sometimes all you need is someone in your corner saying, “We can do this.” And together my clients and I create a plan on how to get from burnout to success.
Push Through Swipe Fatigue to Get Better Results
The bottom line is you’re not going to get matches on a dating app if you’re not out there trying. You can’t expect something as marvelous as love to happen to you out of the blue. You have to put in some work and thought to get the results you want.
Having an experienced professional by your side can help a ton, and I hope you take these tips and run with them in your dating life. Let me know how it goes for you!
