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As a dating coach who works with women, I often see the same limiting beliefs hold my clients back from finding love. And these beliefs once held me back, too. It’s very easy to let fear stop us from trying something new.
But once I realized that I didn’t have to believe the stories anymore, everything changed for me. I learned how to reframe these beliefs and turn them into opportunities for growth. Now I get to watch my clients shed these stories and welcome love into their lives, and it’s a beautiful transformation.
Here are the common 7 limiting beliefs that hold women back from finding love. Do any of these resonate with you? Learn how to turn these beliefs into lessons and start attracting the right partners today.
This is the most common fear I hear from my clients who are in their mid-30s and older. Amazing women are afraid to put themselves out there in the dating world because they fear they are “too old” to find someone at this point. This could not be further from the truth!
Some women have a false belief that everyone else is ahead in life’s milestones such as getting married and having kids. But let me tell you, there is no age requirement for these life events! The truth is that we are all on our own timeline.
Love happens when you are mentally, emotionally, and physically ready for it, not because you hit a certain age. I’ve seen way too many people fall into the trap of believing they need to be married with kids by 30 so they rush into finding a partner. This will only lead to you choosing a mismatched partner out of the perceived fear you are running out of time. Remind yourself that you will find love at the right time for you, not that of anyone else.
Just like the belief that they are too old to find love, most women believe that there is no one good left to date. This belief is stemming from women going on one or two bad dates (or maybe more!) and thinking that every man will be the same. I have also seen women believe that all the good men are taken and already married, so why even bother? The reality is there’s no way you have met every eligible bachelor in the dating world, even if you think you have.
Sure, finding a committed partner who matches your values may take longer than you would like, but it’s not impossible. The solution is not to waste your time and energy on men who do not match what you are looking for. Only pursue those who are worth the time you are investing. I promise, your match is out there waiting for you!
Dating apps are a hot topic these days — and for good reason. With millions of users and endless success stories, this is the way to date now. I have a neutral stance on dating apps. I know that they can and do work. I met my husband through online dating, and many of my friends met their significant others on apps as well. But I also know how draining they can be! They require time and energy, and it can feel very superficial at times.
Where most women get stuck is thinking that dating apps are the only way to meet someone. And it only takes a couple of bad experiences to turn women off dating apps completely. The reality is that apps are just one way to meet someone, not the only way. Use the apps and see who sparks your interest. If you are not having any luck, start thinking of live events you can go to to meet new people. I suggest you go to meetup groups with people who have similar interests, or tell your friends you want to be set up on a blind date!
I have seen how women who have experienced cheating in a relationship allow this event to stop them from dating someone new. It’s normal to fear that the same thing will happen again, so women would rather close off their hearts than try to love again. If you have been a victim of cheating, I know it’s tough to believe that it’s possible to love.
But I am here to tell you it can and will happen for you. What happened in the past is not your fault. The best way to move past this fear is to start building evidence that committed love is possible for you. Start looking at healthy relationships that you admire and remind yourself it can happen to you, too. Treat every new date and relationship as a chance to write a new story for yourself. Your past does not dictate your future, there are committed men out there ready to date you!
The majority of my clients are successful women with thriving careers and lots of responsibilities. While their calendars may be full, these women believe that they are just too busy to date and find love. Do you hold this same belief? The truth is, if finding love is important to you then you will find a way to make time.
Only you are 100% in charge of your time and commitments. Are there things in your life you can start saying no to? Are you giving your time and energy to things you don’t enjoy? Can you find a couple of hours per week to go on dating apps or attend a singles event? These are the honest questions you need to ask yourself if a busy schedule is holding you back.
I have witnessed so many women let busyness be an excuse to hide away and not put themselves out there. Move past this belief by setting firmer boundaries and only agreeing to things that are worth your energy.
Unfortunately, so many women who desire love are keeping themselves single because they are being too picky about the men they date. I’ve seen women with checklists 50 items long about what their significant other must have to be with them! The truth is that dating is not about finding your perfect prince charming who has no flaws.
Every single human has emotions, makes mistakes, and has bad days. So if you are expecting perfection from your date, you will just keep yourself single. This belief is also just another way women can avoid rejection because they assume their match doesn’t exist so they won’t even try to find love.
The best way not to be held back by this belief is to focus on your top five desired qualities in a man, not a list that is 50 items long. Focus on what is most important and be pleasantly surprised by the rest. Your perfect match could very well be someone you’d least expect.
This belief held me back from finding love for years of my life. I was so convinced that I had to lose weight before anyone would find me attractive. All this did was keep me in a vicious cycle of dieting, overexercising, and a constant feeling of anxiety. I came to the realization that if I didn’t love myself first, then no one would. If I was so focused on losing 20 pounds then I would only attract superficial men who were overly concerned with image.
And the biggest realization of all was that looks can and do change, so if I wanted a long-lasting relationship, my image couldn’t be the focus of our connection. So before I went on any more dates, I grew my self-love through journaling, meditation, and therapy. Once I let myself be the real me, I did meet my perfect match who loved me for my soul, not just for how I looked. Don’t let this belief stop you, you are worthy and deserving of love exactly as you are.
When it comes to dating, it’s so easy to let the fear of the unknown stop you from putting yourself out there. But once you decide to look at these misbeliefs and question them, you will gain your power back. These stories will not hold you back anymore, and you’ll realize your worth.
Remember, dating is not about finding the perfect person, it’s about finding the perfect person for you. So let yourself, and your date, be human and you can both learn and grow together.