Start Conversations With Lesbians Online

Lesbian Dating

How to Start Conversations with Lesbian Women Online (Feb. 2024)

Pamela Gort

Written by: Pamela Gort

Pamela Gort

After two long-term relationships and five years of dating, Pamela Gort, The Lesbian Love Coach, spent years synthesizing the most effective and relevant dating and relationship practices into five easy steps called “Find Her and Keep Her" specifically tailored for lesbians. Using her warm, funny, direct coaching style, Pamela guides single lesbians to fall in love with themselves so they can attract and keep conscious, lasting, and loving relationships.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Meeting lesbians online can be scary and intimidating. It can also be fun and exciting.  Having confidence and taking the right approach will get you off on the right foot.

I am going to give you tips on how to start conversations with lesbians online so that you don’t look like a stalker, and they don’t feel threatened. This is for you if you are just coming out and want to connect with other lesbians online or maybe even in real life. It all starts with a conversation woman to woman, and then you never know where things can go.

Explore an Online Connection

Online dating sites and apps are the most obvious places to start talking to single lesbians who live in your area. A general dating network like Match can serve lesbian dating interests, especially for those seeking a serious relationship, and it’s free to get started.

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Of course, a newly out lesbian woman may not feel comfortable diving into the online dating waters right away, so we also recommend more casual chat options.

Quora is a Great Starting Place

If you are newly exploring, Quora is a great place to start. Quora is a question-and-answer platform where you can ask questions, share your opinions, or ask for advice. Quora’s user base skews toward LGBTQ+ people. If you have any questions about being a lesbian, you can use the site to connect with other lesbians or learn more about it.

Reddit Communities Can Help Too

Another good place to start conversations is on Reddit. This is a social news website where users post content and comment on one anothers’ posts. You can find some dedicated communities around sexual orientation that might be worth connecting with if the conversation goes well.

Or Try Tumblr Experience Shares

It may also be worth considering creating an account on Tumblr where many people post about their experiences as LGBTQ+ individuals. The platform has been used for years by many people who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning — so it’s a safe space to talk openly with others in the community who have shared similar experiences in the past.

Tips for Chatting Up a Lesbian in 3 Easy Steps

Chatting up lesbians online can be a bit intimidating at first, but it doesn’t have to be! There are many ways to make a great first impression. Here are three easy steps you can follow. 

1) Be confident! The most important thing is that you feel good about yourself and your intentions so that the woman you’re chatting with will too. You should also never lie or misrepresent yourself in any way. Honesty is key.

2) Be respectful of their time and attention. Some women may not want to chat with you because they’re not interested in you or because they’re not interested in chatting at that moment. If this happens, don’t take it personally and just move on to someone else who might be interested!

3) Be original. Don’t use cheesy lines unless you can deliver them in a funny way. Express yourself. 

Compliments are a Sweet Ice Breaker

Use Lesbian-Specific Dating Sites. One of the best places to find lesbians is on dating apps geared to lesbians. The key is being respectful and not coming across as a stalker. Just be yourself. The more she knows about you, the more she will trust you.

Compliment her on her dog or cat or even her bird or lizard. Yes, there are many bird and lizard lesbians out there. If you can’t think of anything unique to say, start with a compliment. It’ll make the conversation feel more natural and ensure that the person isn’t scared of what you might be asking them.

Complimenting a lesbian is something that we all like to hear, and it can be one of the easiest ways to start a conversation. If you see someone you think is cute, go ahead and compliment them on their outfit or their makeup. They are likely to be flattered and want to continue the conversation with you.

Use Appropriate Emojis

You could even send her some funny emojis that send a message you think she would find fun. To start you’ll want to send her some funny emojis. Then gauge the mood of the conversation and find out if she wants a more lighthearted one or a serious one. Plus, there are plenty of websites that have LGBT-related emojis for you to choose from so take a look around and pick your favorites.  

Send a Teasing or Flirty Message

In the beginning stages of talking to a lesbian online, it’s helpful if you start by sending her a teasing message. This will make her feel more comfortable with you and your intentions, which will allow these conversations to flow smoothly. 

Messaging them about movies or other hobbies that you both have in common is a great way to break the ice. You can also ask them what bands they like or what type of music they listen to. Send the first message and ask for a conversation or even a date if you’re feeling confident. One of the best ways to get a conversation started with a lesbian is just to send them a message. Be thoughtful and genuine in your texts. Don’t send mundane texts like “hey” or “what’s up?” 

Make sure you have something interesting to say, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Learn about their interests, hobbies, and passions so you can have something more substantial to talk about when you meet in person. This means you must read her profile and look for things that pique your interest. It is important not only in the beginning of the relationship but throughout as well that you find ways to make her feel special. We all want to feel special and showing interest is the best way to do it. 

Send Original Messages

Make sure that you are sending a message that will capture their attention and intrigue them enough that they want to reply. If you send a generic message to someone, they are likely to think that you don’t really care enough. You should also make sure that you don’t send the same message to many people at the same time.

The next thing is to take note of her dating profile before sending a message. Ideally, you would want your interests to somewhat match hers so you can have something in common with them. You can also start by asking about their interests and then build from there. Lastly, be sincere and honest with what you say in your messages because if it looks like you’re trying too hard, it will come across as creepy or desperate.

Be Patient

They might not reply at first because they might be afraid of the situation, but they may eventually. If not, that’s totally OK — just keep trying or move on. There are many fish in the sea. Send funny memes that highlight her interests. The memes can be about anything; they don’t necessarily have to be related to sexuality. Sometimes, it’s just about making people laugh. If you know that the person you’re talking to loves something like puns or sarcasm, then you should use those as well.

Be Yourself

Focus on being you and not some idea of you. It’s OK to be nervous and say why you’re there, but it’s a good idea to keep it short and simple. If you talk about your feelings or your interests (as opposed to just asking them if they want to talk) they are much more likely to respond and get more real with the conversation. Admit that you are nervous because you really like her and see how she responds. It’s normal to be nervous. If she’s someone you really like, it may feel like a big deal to share that with her.

Be Confident, Expect Success

Being upfront about that will make you more approachable and less intimidating. When she starts asking what you’re doing next weekend, say something like “I’m not sure how I sound right now but I’ve been dying to talk to you! How about getting together in person?” 

It takes the pressure off her to figure out how the conversation should go. Plus, if she feels comfortable chatting with you, it’ll show how confident she is in herself and what she wants next with you. 

If you’re going to talk to a lesbian online, don’t be too shy. Keep in mind that the person may not respond right away. Just because they don’t reply doesn’t mean they don’t want to talk. It just means that in their busy day, they didn’t get around to it. Be patient and keep messaging them until you get a response.

Practice Makes Perfect When Talking to Single Lesbians

When messaging a lesbian woman, make sure you use your best flirting skills and confidence so they know you are interested in them. They will more likely reply if they feel like they are being talked to nicely by someone who is friendly, attractive, and confident.

Some lesbians may choose not to reply. If this is the case with your messages, let it go.  Don’t continue harassing them if they haven’t responded after a few attempts or have stopped responding. We are all busy and have things going on in our lives. She may have found someone who she is directing all her attention to. Do not take it personally. This can be a good thing because you will stop spinning your wheels with her and move on.

Sometimes you are the one who moves on and sometimes she moves on. Stay in the flow and keep connecting. You will find lots of girls to date and eventually find the one who fits you best for a time or maybe even the long run. The key is to know your worth and value and trust that you are lovable.

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