Key Takeaways
As a dating editor with 11 years of experience, I’ve joined my fair share of sex-positive dating sites, and the following have good reputations for connecting kinksters safely.
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AdultFriendFinder: Best Overall Alternative to FetLife
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Ashley Madison: Best App for Anonymous Browsing
When I first downloaded FetLife, I didn’t really know what I was getting into. All I knew was that it was a famous kinkster community very much off the beaten path of traditional online dating.
FetLife claims to be the world’s largest and most popular social network for the BDSM community. But it didn’t feel very large to me. Within a day or so, I felt like I’d seen everyone there was to see in my small, suburban corner of the southeastern U.S. And even though kink exploration should be inclusive, it felt a tad cliquey, like the same well-known locals were always running the show.
Honestly, I’ve seen adult dating sites do better with kink filters, active profiles, videos, and a lot of freaky fun. FetLife isn’t the only option out there. Here are my recommendations for kink dating.
- Relationships: Hookups Only
- Match System: Search by location, interest, more
- Our Experts Say: “Make no mistake: this site isn’t about making friends, it’s about finding hookups and casual encounters. No adult site has a larger or more active user base of those seeking discreet fun.” Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
Like FetLife, AdultFriendFinder bills itself as a social networking site with a dating twist. Its mission is to provide a safe place to express sexuality and find like-minded kinksters. Users can filter profiles by age, location, sexual interests, and relationship preferences.
One of the site’s biggest strengths is the ability it offers to set multiple locations, like a travel location and a Cupid location (the place you want to find other members). If you feel stifled by smaller communities, this is a great way to explore other areas.
Fling.com
- Relationships: Casual Dating, Hookups, Friends with Benefits
- Match System: Search filters
- Our Experts Say: “Fling.com keeps things casual and connects horny adults with video and direct messaging. It doesn’t ask for real names, but it will verify photos as genuine to ensure catfish don’t last long here!” Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
It’s all in the name here. As the URL would suggest, Fling is and adult site made for fun. While you’ve got the typical profiles and chatting features you’d expect on another dating app, Fling explicitly prides itself on inclusivity and open-mindedness, and that means kink filters that include everything from anal to voyeurism.
The live video chat rooms are one of the most unique features on this hookup site. Some user testimonials on the site claim that going live is one of the most thrilling parts about using Fling. It’s certainly not something I’ve ever seen on a run-of-the-mill Tinder or Hinge.
- Relationships: Hookups, Casual Dating, Kinky Chats
- Match System: Search by age, location, gender, kinks, and appearance
- Our Experts Say: “KinkyPeopleMeet is a sex-driven site where kinksters share their fantasies without shame. It’s a dynamic community for hooking up. And the photo and video galleries offer plenty of titillating inspiration as well.” Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
KinkyPeopleMeet somehow gets even more straightforward with its mission in the name, and I loved how clear they were about specifically targeting BDSM practitioners. Nudity, lingerie, and explicit discussion of your kinks are all encouraged when creating your profile.
Discretion is everything here, and you can even toggle on a discreet mode where only members already accepted into your friends list are able to view your personal photos.
- Relationships: Hookups, Casual Dates, Affairs
- Match System: Search by age, location, appearance, and more
- Our Experts Say: “With its massive user base and advanced privacy features, Ashley Madison is the #1 site for discreet hookups, dates, or relationships.” Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
If you really want to talk about discretion, Ashley Madison is basically synonymous with it. I’d heard about the app through unfortunate headlines regarding its data breaches, but in exploring it myself, I was impressed by the privacy features.
I could choose to blur or mask my face in photos, or I could not upload a photo at all, or I could add a photo to a private vault that needs a special code to unlock. Ashley Madison also offers Stealth Mode for iOS devices. This privacy setting changes notifications and the app icon to appear more innocuous.
Known for its discretion, Ashley Madison is a great choice today for anyone who needs extra privacy while seeking a more unorthodox type of relationship.
- Relationships: Hookups Only
- Match System: Search by location, interest, more
- Our Experts Say: “A hookup site specializing in casual encounters, secret affairs, live chats, and member videos, FriendFinder-X skips the awkward “dating” stage of a relationship and fast-forwards straight to the sex.” Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
FriendFinder-X is a space for casual encounters, secret affairs, and live chatting with strangers who have been verified as over 18. The site welcomes people looking for sex without strings. It’s free to create a profile, as a single person, couple, or group, and once you’re in, you can message others, privately exchange photos, and video chat.
While it’s not solely for fetish exploration, FriendFinder-X has a community forum where kinksters can state their desires and break out into subgroups and chat rooms. There are also kinky filters for things like BDSM and choking for all the subs and doms seeking one another.
NaughtyCharm
- Relationships: Hookups, Chats
- Match System: Search by encounter, location, and more
- Our Experts Say: “NaughtyCharm is a premier hookup app where you can feel comfortable expressing your desires. Plus, it’s free to join, browse, and flirt.”
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
NaughtyCharm doesn’t read as a kinky dating site at first glance at the homepage, but the signup process prioritizes anonymity, and users are allowed to post scantily clad pics (and frequently do), so I think it’d satisfy a kinkster hoping for less overwhelm and more incognito browsing.
Now I’ll say that NaughtyCharm doesn’t have the most rigorous profile checks. I can join in under 30 seconds with little more than an email. But the anonymous vibes can be great for casual sex seekers who feel shy about outing themselves on bigger sites.
If you really care about privacy, it feels like nobody would ever think to look for you here.
MenNation
- Relationships: Daters & Hookups
- Match System: Search by age, zip code, more
- Our Experts Say: “MenNation is a men-only hookup site where guys can enjoy video chat rooms, public forums, and private messaging. All you need is an email address to join.” Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
MenNation is specifically designed for gay, bisexual, and curious men and couples. Because it shares a database with AdultFriendFinder, you get access to a wider pool of active users (7,082,557, to be exact) than you might on other gay apps like Grindr.
MenNation is for hookups, but the livestream section of the site is pretty engaging if you don’t want to meet in person just yet. That being said, other users complain that it can be a bit overly graphic, so definitely be prepared to see dick after dick on this one.
SparkMeets
- Relationships: Hookups, Casual Dating, Chats
- Match System: Search by location, age, and appearance.
- Our Experts Say: “SparkMeets is a dating website that provides a fast track to a romance with a flirty partner. The network has private chats, search filters, and safety features to help spark real connections.” Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
SparkMeets is a straightforward place to meet someone new without divulging a lot of personal details. Profiles pretty much stick to basic demographics: age, location, ethnicity, and dating intentions.
You can search by tattoos and piercings. You can swipe on photos with ease. There’s no pressure to match before messaging either. The space is targeted for hookup seekers who don’t want to fill out a ton of personality quizzes to meet people.
SaucyDates
- Relationships: Casual Dating, Hookups, Friends with Benefits
- Match System: Search filters, Suggested matches
- Our Experts Say: “SaucyDates is a straightforward hookup site with a reputation for safe dating. The team manually checks profiles and photos. Naughty pics are allowed.”
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
SaucyDates is a sex-positive dating site built for adults who want shared attraction, but not necessarily a long-term commitment. While not overtly a kink site, its openness to what it calls “sex dating” and a disclaimer that transgender people are welcome made me feel a sense of inclusivity.
And its profile verification is no joke. The SaucyDates team goes to great lengths to ensure no bots or catfish ruin the good vibes here. And I appreciate that!
A Beginner’s Guide for the Kink-Curious
Don’t let the hot people on the homepage intimidate you. Making a profile is simple, and most of these platforms follow the same formula. Be ready to fill out basic personal information like your birthday and ZIP code.
Something unique about X-rated sex sites like Fling.com is they usually have filters so individuals can opt out of seeing nudes or spicy content if they’d rather look at a safe-for-work feed.
When writing their bios or choosing interests, users on sex apps tend to be forthright about what they’re into and the type of partners they desire. I suggest putting any hard boundaries upfront (such as no meeting in person without video chatting.
Depending on how discreet you want to be, your photos can include your face or can just show your body. Users with photos showing their face will usually get more attention (unless their body is super hot).
Feel free to show off your kink wear on the sites that welcome it. And always adhere to the community rules, which vary by each app, and some may not look kindly on full-frontal nudity.
Once you’re all set and swiping around, send messages that call out shared kinks and let people know you’re new.
Here are a few starters below that I’ve sent myself:
- Intrigued by your mention of roleplay…anything specific you’ve been dreaming of?
- Hope you’re having a great evening! I just joined, so I’m still getting the hang of this thing, but you’re so cute and I would love to chat more.
Even if I’m addressing kink, I personally avoid being too sexual from the start.
FAQs: What Is a Kink Dating App? How Is It Different?
Kink apps differ from standard dating apps in that sex is the main event. Generally, kink apps have fewer restrictions against featuring nudity in a profile or sending nudes in messages. And instead of matching people based on compatibility, users have more freedom to search and filter by kinks and physical features.
You’ll notice that pretty much every app I listed features some sort of messaging about inclusivity and being free to explore one’s passions. So don’t be shocked by the prevalence of group chat functions and message boards on these sites, either. A big part of the kink dating experience is the active community surrounding it.
Is FetLife a Good Dating Site for Kinksters?
FetLife could work as a good starting point to get a beginner comfortable with kink. I appreciate how inclusive and sex-positive it is. But, in my opinion, the smaller user base makes it a better choice for someone living in a city like New York or L.A., or someone willing to travel out of the suburbs. (I’m personally anti-driving anywhere for more than 30 minutes, but your mileage may vary.)
It’s worth noting that many of the above apps are hyper-local or based on ZIP code. The difference I found was that most had the option to change that location or set multiple location searches, and the massive memberships of sites like AdultFriendFinder are hard to beat. Take this quiz to get a personalized recommendation on which dating app to try:
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Are Kink Dating Apps Safe?
Hesitation is understandable. You’re showing your most private desires (and maybe your most private parts!) to strangers on the internet. But the majority of these apps have robust privacy policies and messaging modes in place to ensure your photos and personal information aren’t easily accessible to the public.
And if you’re on Ashley Madison, you can opt to hide your face in photos if you fear your identity being leaked.
However, you should still take care not to share too much before video chatting or meeting in person.
Even though you’re there for sex, it doesn’t give anyone the right to speak to you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. If things move too fast or someone gets pushy, block and report them. Never send payment to a match or reveal your full name and where you live.
Can I Use a Kink Dating App for Free?
Yes. Most kink apps allow you to create a profile for free. But taking advantage of features like unlimited messaging sometimes comes at a cost.
AdultFriendFinder offers a Gold membership with unlimited messaging, advanced search filters, and increased profile visibility. If you’d rather just chat in the public forum, though, you can stay free forever with no issues.
With a three-day trial for $2.99, NaughtyCharm has by far the cheapest pricing for premium features (like sending unlimited chats). I know it sounds like a sweet deal, beware that it turns into a monthly subscription.
What You Need to Know: Auto-renewal is a standard practice for online dating. If you decide to pay for any of these apps, keep an eye on your bills and cancel before it renews.
Fortunately, the free versions of several apps are still worth exploring. When I tested SaucyDates, my free messaging got cut off after 10 messages, but I was still able to have good chats and explore using advanced filters.
All that to say: You can definitely make great connections without a hefty investment.
Download a Kink App (or Two) & Start Exploring!
If there’s anything I’ve learned from trawling all of these apps, it’s that if you can dream it, you can find it online. Whatever kinks you have are already search filters or niche groups somewhere out there.
On kink sites, no one judges anyone for their fetishes. I know from firsthand experience that approaching existing partners with these desires can feel daunting, so I’m all for downloading an app where everyone has similar turn-ons. You can’t go wrong with the kink sites on this list. All of them are bigger and better than FetLife, I promise!
