No matter who you are or what you like, you can usually find a dating platform to match. Even if you’re not exactly single. Anyone who has pursued affairs, open relationships, or other forms of non-monogamy knows that Ashley Madison is a popular site for no-strings dating.
Originally pitched as a married dating platform, Ashley Madison now positions itself as “where desire meets discretion,” meaning it’s flexible to the needs of any privacy-conscious daters, regardless of relationship status.
Whether you’re looking to date married people or simply find a hookup partner who won’t pry into your personal life, Ashley Madison is a great place to keep things casual.
Ashley Madison’s focus on “discretion” means you don’t have to put yourself too far out there. Read on to learn how to use Ashley Madison while protecting yourself and your privacy at the same time.
1. Create a Secure Ashley Madison Account
Getting started on Ashley Madison is pretty straightforward. During the profile creation process, you’ll be prompted to fill out your gender and desired gender, date of birth, country, and ZIP code.
- Relationships: Hookups, Casual Dates, Affairs
- Match System: Search by age, location, appearance, and more
- Our Experts Say: “With its massive user base and advanced privacy features, Ashley Madison is the #1 site for discreet hookups, dates, or relationships.” Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
The Ashley Madison website requires an email address, and the app requires a phone number. Both are verified. If you don’t want your primary email to be tied to Ashley Madison, consider making a burner email to use instead. You’ll need to access your email to verify your profile.
Then you’ll choose your desired username (which will appear with your profile on the site) and password.
If your profile is deemed “suspicious,” you will have to jump through extra hurdles: either a phone number verification or government ID verification check. While that can feel like a lot of data to give to Ashley Madison, the site says your ID information will be deleted as soon as verification goes through.
2. Build a Profile Without Oversharing
Your profile – on Ashley Madison or any other dating platform – is a great place to show a little bit of your personality, your background, and, most importantly, what you’re looking for.
It is not the place to recount the emotional toll of your divorce or your deepest insecurities. If you want to dive into deep topics – though that’s not strictly necessary in a casual relationship – wait until you speak one on one.
You’ll also want to add profile photos. One great part of Ashley Madison is that you can actually blur or mask your face in your profile photos to protect your privacy.
No one wants their coworker or in-laws stumbling across their Ashley Madison profile, but with blurred photos, you don’t need to worry so much about being exposed.
One profile I found sports the bio: “I’m the kind of woman who turns a simple night into a whole vibe.” She then uses Ashley Madison’s profile tags to include her height, weight, body type, age, race, and what she’s looking for. Her interests include being a “casual/social drinker,” “traveling,” and “discretion.” In her photo, you can see her body, but not her face.
This profile is a great example of giving you the information you need to decide if you might be interested without oversharing.
Profile Tags
On Ashley Madison, you can use profile tags to let users know your interests quickly. Tags range from spicy descriptors like “oral sex” to more wholesome interests like “travel” or “cooking.”
By adding tags that match your interests, you make it easy for someone to identify compatible interests – both sexually and personally – in a way that’s simple and doesn’t give out any identifying information.
Use Discreet Match
Not everyone on Ashley Madison prioritizes discretion. Different members have different comfort levels around privacy, Ashley Madison created the Discreet Match feature to pair members based on the types of connections they want. When you create your profile, you will choose between:
- Curious: The most discreet option. Best for those who want to remain anonymous.
- Selective: For those who are private but open to a public relationship over time.
- Flexible: The user will disclose more or less depending on the circumstance.
- Adventurous: Meaning the person is comfortable connecting freely.
These labels show up at the top of the dating profile and will influence your matches. Being able to see people’s comfort levels upfront can help you decide how to proceed with a connection.
3. Make Use of the Privacy Features
Because Ashley Madison was designed with discretion in mind, it offers a ton of super helpful privacy features. In addition to blurring profile photos, it has private photo galleries that users can’t view unless given explicit consent. This a great option for spicier pictures or ones that have more identifying information.
And if you’re using Ashley Madison on your iPhone, you can turn on Stealth Mode, which makes the app icon look more inconspicuous and changes push notifications from “you have a message” to “you have a package.” You can also create a private PIN to lock the app and protect your messages and connections from being seen.
Clear Your Search History
Not everyone uses Ashley Madison on their phone. If you use Ashley Madison on a computer – especially a shared or professional computer (though we don’t recommend using a work laptop) – you need to be mindful that people can look at your browsing history.
If possible, access Ashley Madison in an incognito tab. This will clear your search history automatically.
Make sure to clear your cache after browsing on Ashley Madison. For cover-your-tracks information by web server, Ashley Madison actually offers a free step-by-step guide.
Clearing your search history can prevent people in your life from seeing what you’ve been browsing. But remember there’s no real way to completely scrub your online presence. It’s still possible that your searches could be discovered.
4. Vet People in Messages
Once you find a connection on Ashley Madison, you should do a little investigation to make sure that person is legit. Some basic safety precautions should be part of your get-to-know-you process.
Stay chatting on the app for as long as possible. Don’t switch to Whatsapp or give out your phone number after saying hello. Ashley Madison’s chat window affords more accountability, like blocking and reporting the profile.
Once you take the chat off the platform, you don’t have Ashley Madison’s security features and content moderators working for you anymore, so it’s important to build trust first.
Be very careful about giving out intimate images or personal information online as well. Revenge porn and blackmail have become common hazards for online daters, unfortunately.
5. Plan a First Meeting With Personal Safety in Mind
Now, I want to say first of all that you don’t have to rush to have an in-person meeting. You can always start with a video call or phone call to feel things out.
If you decide to meet with your date in person, it’s a delicate balance between maintaining your privacy and not getting into sketchy territory. Here are some safety guidelines to keep in mind.
Meet in Public
Meet in a public place like a coffee shop or a park. If you’re concerned about people you know seeing you, go somewhere far from your usual haunts.
When headed to a first date, make sure to have your own transportation and a quick exit strategy. Don’t give out information about where you live. Don’t drink more than a glass or two, and keep an eye on your drinks at all times.
Tell One Trusted Person
I get it: You don’t want people in your daily life to know about your dating life. Whether you’re married or not, you may not want that information to get back to your friends and family. But if you have to choose between safety and privacy, you should choose safety every time.
Not everyone needs to know about your dates, but someone should.
Tell at least one person the deal when it’s a first date with an online match. Let one trusted person know when and where you’re going and who you’re meeting. Ask them to check up on you. Not everyone needs to know about your dates, but someone should.
FAQs: Can You Use Ashley Madison Anonymously?
Yes, to some extent. You need to add some personal information to create a profile, but nothing very identifiable. You can even choose a random username and keep your real name out of it.
However, if you’re skipping all the good details and adding a nondescript photo (or no photo at all), your profile will get less attention. People just aren’t attracted to a faceless, nameless profile. That’s fine if you’re more interested in looking than chatting. But if you want to meet people, you’ll have to put yourself out there.
If you just want to browse profiles, you can actually hide your profile from view by turning on the incognito mode. This makes it so you can look at profiles without having your profile visible in searches made by others. If you’re nervous about putting yourself out there, go incognito for a bit and test the waters.
How Can I Tell If an Ashley Madison Profile Is Fake?
This is a tough one. Some fake profiles are very convincing – especially since the dawn of AI – and some real profiles are easy to mistake as fake. The best advice I can give you is to be skeptical and ask plenty of follow-up questions to catch the little fibs and stories that don’t line up.
If you suspect that someone you’re messaging is a catfish, you should follow your gut. Consider reverse-image searching their photos to see if they were stolen from someone else. Or ask to do a video call.
But most of all, if someone you’re messaging asks for money or financial information, it’s safe to assume the profile is fake. No matter the excuse, the promises, or the flattery thrown at you, the safest thing to do is block and report anyone asking for money at any point in your conversation.
How Do I Block Someone on Ashley Madison?
Blocking someone on Ashley Madison is easy. Simply select the profile, click the three dots in the top right corner, and select “Block.” Done.
You don’t have to justify your block. There’s no survey. It’s a quick way to get a person out of your Ashley Madison dating pool. They won’t be able to see or interact with your profile after being blocked. This action is irreversible, so consider carefully who you block.
How Many People Use Ashley Madison?
Ashley Madison boasts over 91 million active users around the world, most notably in the U.S., Australia, U.K., and Brazil.
And while the site is still most popular among the married, 51% of Ashley Madison users are unmarried. Ashley Madison users come to the site every possible relationship status. The one thing they all have in common? A desire to date discreetly.
Discretion Starts With Good Online Safety Habits
Discretion and safety may feel like they’re in opposition to one another. Many of us think of online safety as requiring constant honest disclosure – about everything from relationship history to safe sex practices. But sometimes, it’s safer to stay anonymous.
Staying safe online – both physically and emotionally – often means being intentional about what you share and with whom you share it. Don’t give out private information to your matches before you’ve established a strong basis of trust.
You will likely need to show some vulnerability eventually to form a genuine connection, but that doesn’t mean bearing your soul in your profile. Have a casual chat and feel that person out. Prioritize your comfort levels. And give yourself license to flirt without overthinking it!
