A lot goes into a good dating profile. You need to tell potential matches who you are, what you’re trying to find online, and of course, what you look like, all while keeping it fun and flirty.
But when you add unique lifestyle considerations – be they your sobriety, your children, or your interest in non-monogamy – it becomes a little trickier and a lot more important to get the wording right.
If you’re interested in ethical non-monogamy, creating an openly poly-friendly dating profile saves time and helps you avoid misunderstandings. Here’s how to attract poly people online.
Defining a Poly-Friendly Dating Profile
First of all, let’s hammer down what “poly-friendly” actually means for the purpose of your dating experience.
To be “poly-friendly” means that you’re open to ethical non-monogamy.
The term implies that non-monogamy isn’t a hard line for you. It’s a good, flexible label for individuals who are willing to participate in either open relationships or closed relationships.
If you’re actively in poly relationships, a clearer label may more accurately describe your preferences and relationship situation.
Good Terms to Know & Consider Including
Poly-friendly relationships can look like a lot of different things. Familiarize yourself with some of the popular terms, and consider including the ones that best describe you:
- Polyamorous – Engaging in multiple romantic relationships at the same time – with the consent of everyone involved.
- Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) – Any non-monogamous relationship structure where all involved parties consent.
- Open relationship – A committed relationship in which partners give each other permission to date other people.
- Solo poly – Engaging in polyamorous relationships without committing to any partners.
- Partnered but dating – In an open relationship and pursuing additional relationships.
These terms can quickly clarify who you are and what you’re seeking.
Differentiating Yourself from Traditional Dating Profiles
Most online daters assume their matches want to be monogamous. They may mention whether they’re looking for short-term or long-term relationships, but they generally expect a similar baseline understanding of what relationships look like.
But for poly-friendly profiles, that’s not the case.
Poly-friendly profiles lead with what they’re specifically looking for in relationships and what they’re open to, highlighting boundaries and communication expectations and, most importantly, making sure all parties consent to the relationship structure.
Step 1 – Join a Poly-Friendly Platform
A great way to find like-minded daters is to get on a poly-friendly platform. While poly people sometimes use mainstream dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, you’re better off starting with apps that are geared toward nontraditional dating.
AdultFriendFinder is an adult sex site where the registration includes an option for couples and groups. There are niche forums for swingers and poly people of all stripes.
- Relationships: Hookups Only
- Match System: Search by location, interest, more
- Our Experts Say: Make no mistake: this site isn’t about making friends, it’s about finding hookups and casual encounters. No adult site has a larger or more active user base of those seeking discreet fun. Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
KinkyPeopleMeet offers a nonjudgmental space for daters with unusual proclivities. Couples are welcome here, and specific search filters can help polyamorous people find threesomes, orgies, and other types of play.
- Relationships: Hookups, Casual Dating, Kinky Chats
- Match System: Search by age, location, gender, kinks, and appearance
- Our Experts Say: KinkyPeopleMeet is a sex-driven site where kinksters share their fantasies without shame. It’s a dynamic community for hooking up. And the photo and video galleries offer plenty of titillating inspiration as well. Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
Some niche apps like Plura and Feeld were made specifically to support poly daters. Feeld is one of the most popular platforms for nontraditional dating right now. The app allows couples to share a profile and openly seek poly relationships, so it’s a good place for newcomers to explore nonmonogamy.
Step 2 – Be Clear About Your Relationship Structure
When it comes to poly relationships, clear communication is everything.
State Your Current Situation
Start by describing your current status. This will help contextualize what you’re looking for and let potential matches know what the deal is.
This may mean some people automatically swipe left on you because they’re not open to dating someone who’s poly. That’s OK. It saves you the time of talking to someone who isn’t aligned with you.
Write something like:
- “Married and dating separately”
- “Solo poly and independent”
- “In an open relationship”
This will quickly establish the situation, letting potential matches know if they should pass or read on.
Mention Partner Awareness
Unfortunately, many people use dating apps to cheat. Make sure you directly say that your partner (if you have one) knows about your dating. Something like, “My partner knows and supports this” can go a long way in helping matches trust you.
Clarity Builds Trust
If you are an open book and communicate clearly, it makes it easier for new matches to trust you. Being cagey or beating around the bush will make people wonder what you’re up to.
Don’t hide your relationship status. It will only hurt the people you date and prevent you from finding those who want the same thing.
Step 3 – Define What You’re Looking For
Now, let your matches know what you want going forward. It may seem difficult to describe, but certain key terms can help get to the point.
Types of Connections
Many poly relationships involve commitment in the same way monogamous relationships do. So keep in mind the language here may not be wildly different than when you’re dating solo.
Let daters know if you want:
- Casual relationships
- Long-term relationships
- Emotional, physical, or platonic relationships
- Kitchen table or parallel poly (Do you want your partners to be friends, do you want them to be completely separate, or do you want them to date each other?)
You can also come up with your own descriptions and paint a picture of your ideal relationship structure.
Be Specific
Vague profiles underperform, whether you’re poly or not. Be sure to let daters know exactly what you want, both on your profile and when you eventually meet.
Nix any vague phrases that could appear on anyone’s profile.
Don’t say you’re “Looking for something fun.” Shouldn’t that be a given? Instead, say you’re “Looking for a long-term romance with a fellow gamer.” That actually means something, and it tells daters if you’d be a good match.
Step 4 – Write an Honest & Engaging Bio
Poly-friendly profiles need good bios. This is your chance to show that you have a personality beyond the poly lifestyle.
Talk About Your Hobbies More Than “The Lifestyle”
Even if you’re dating other people who are deep in the poly lifestyle, making your profile only about polyamory makes it seem like it’s your whole personality.
Much of the usual dating profile advice applies: include your hobbies, interests, and humor. Show who you are.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
As with any dating profile, the most important part of poly-friendly dating profiles is showing up as your authentic self.
Here are a few faux pas you should try to avoid:
- Hiding your relationship status
- Overexplaining or sounding defensive
- Treating poly as your only personality trait
- Being too vague
- Fetishizing the poly experience
A lot of newcomers to the poly dating world make mistakes that turn off potential matches.
One of the biggest is beating around the bush or making bold, unrealistic claims. Remember that being clear is the best way to get what you want. Keep your language respectful and let people know what your intentions are.
Step 5 – Set Boundaries Early
Though it may seem counterintuitive, boundaries are extremely important in poly relationships. Let daters know yours from the jump.
Types of Boundaries to Include
If you have a hard line rule in your relationships or how you date, include it. Some boundaries to consider putting in place include:
- Time availability. If Saturdays are reserved for date nights with your spouse or dinnertime is always at 7 PM for your family, let potential partners know.
- Safe sex practices. Many poly relationships involve rules about condom use or the extent of sexual contact that’s okay. This doesn’t necessarily need to be in your profile, but it should come up early on.
- Communication preferences. Do you prefer to talk about your other relationships? Or do you go by a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy? What your communication style is in poly relationships will be important to define.
Every person is different, so there aren’t necessarily right or wrong answers here. But you need to have a conversation to nail down what is going to work best for you and your partners.
How to State Boundaries Without Sounding Rigid
Boundaries don’t need to come off so intensely. It’s just talking about your comfort level.
And since dating apps are about finding people with compatible interests and lifestyles, you should be able to find a positive way to frame your boundaries.
Use “I value…” statements over “Don’t message me if…” statements.
Call shared boundaries “green flags.” Focus on attracting the right people; don’t worry so much about the wrong ones.
Step 6 – Choose the Right Photos
Photo rules are similar for open and closed daters, with one notable difference: The question of whether to show your partners.
Solo vs Partner Photos
If you’re on a poly-friendly app, it’s good to include a partner in your photos. But if you’re dating solo, even in an open relationship, it might not be the best idea.
Some people are open to dating someone who’s polyamorous, but they don’t necessarily want to be thinking about your partner all the time.
Include pictures with a partner if a connection between your partners is important to you, but if you’d prefer to keep your relationships separate, you don’t need all those lovey-dovey pics on your profile.
What Your Photos Should Communicate
They say a photo is worth 1,000 words, so make sure you’re communicating the right thing with each picture.
- Authenticity. Your photos should be an accurate representation of who you are.
- Lifestyle. This may mean polyamory, or it could be outdoorsiness, partying, traveling, or whatever you do regularly.
- Approachability. Choose photos where you’re smiling and having fun.
It doesn’t take a model-quality headshot to get a match. You just need some good lighting and positive vibes.
Common Photo Mistakes
Make sure to avoid photos where you look dramatically different from IRL, or where filters are distracting or over-the-top.
Step 7 – Use Poly-Friendly Language
Using the right language can signal to other poly daters that you actually know what you’re doing and aren’t just fantasizing.
Terms That Signal Compatibility
If you want to date other poly people, indicate that you know what you want and what you’re doing.
Few people want to teach newbies how to communicate and maintain boundaries in these relationships. Using the right language is a good way to signal that you can handle yourself.
Some good terms to use include ENM, polyamorous, open, or RA (relationship anarchy). Only use terms that align with what you want, of course.
Avoid Confusing or Misleading Phrases
The last thing you want is for your profile to sound cagey or like you’re hiding a cheating situation.
Avoid unclear phrases like “it’s complicated” or “seeing where things go,” instead be direct about what you’re trying to find.
Poly-Friendly Dating Profile Examples
It’s one thing to get a list of do’s and don’ts; it’s another to see them in action. Take a look at these example bios for inspiration when writing your profile. Just remember to make it your own!
Example 1 – Solo Poly
Bio: Hey there! I’m a solo poly man looking for deep emotional connections with people who value independence and great communication. Swipe right if you love dogs, the outdoors, and healthy boundaries 💗
Interests: Backpacking | Climbing | Travel | Cooking
Example 2 – Married & Dating Separately
Bio: 43 y/o woman in an open marriage hoping to meet some fun people on my own! Message me if you’re down for a casual connection (platonic or otherwise). I’m new to the area, so take me to your favorite restaurants 🙂
Interests: Foodie | Running | Live Music | Festivals
Example 3 – New to ENM
Bio: How’s it going? I’m a poly newbie trying to find new partners to spend time with and start my poly journey ✨I’m open (ha) to both short-term and long-term connections, but I’m especially excited about meeting paired or throupled humans!
Interests: Organizing | Dance | Tarot | Plant Parent
Quick Checklist: Is Your Profile Poly-Friendly?
So, do you think your dating profile is ready to enter the world of poly dating? Double-check that you have:
- Clear relationship status
- Defined intentions
- Boundaries stated
- Authentic personality
- Honest photos
All there? Looks like you’re ready to go!
Final Tips to Attract the Right Matches
When you start online dating, it can be tempting to focus on the numbers and treat it like a game to get more and more matches.
But if you’re a poly dater, it’s essential that you focus on true compatibility and filter out anybody who isn’t your speed.
Yes, you’ll likely get more matches if you avoid disclosing your poly status, but many of those matches will drop off anyway if they’re not down for dating you and your partner. They may even feel betrayed by the omission.
As your relationship status continues to evolve, make sure your poly-friendly profile does with it. Communicate consistently with your matches and partners – it’s the only way to build a genuine connection.
