Feminine Embodiment Mentor Alexandra Roxo Coaches Women on Embracing Sexuality in Motherhood

The Short Version: It’s 2024. Women occupy over half the workforce, have flown around the moon, and dominate the music scene in undeniable ways. Isn’t it about time we let moms feel sexy in their own skin? Bestselling author and intimacy coach Alexandra Roxo is leading the way with a message of empowerment for women. She encourages her clients and followers to embrace the sexiness of a mother’s life-giving body.

I learned so much from my mother. And not just about the normal parenting stuff that you would expect, like riding a bike, applying for college, or filing your taxes. She taught me that women — and especially mothers — don’t have to fit within the tight, prescribed boxes that society has built for them. 

Women with children can have distinguished, esteemed, and highly lucrative jobs that make them the breadwinner in their household. They can hop on planes and have wild, crazy experiences all over the world without guilt. 

Women with children — and the world may be shocked to hear this one — can feel sexy and beautiful and empowered in their own skin. Not only can they, but they should. What a concept, right?

Having this kind of example growing up has done wonders for my outlook on self-love, relationships, and what it means to feel sexy as an adult woman and potential future mother. 

And I know it may not sound like a groundbreaking revelation, but just ask any other mother (or childbearing parent) and they’ll tell you: The world has a lot of growing to do when it comes to understanding sexuality and its role in motherhood. 

Mothers everywhere continue to be criticized, shamed, and discouraged from displaying — or even experiencing — the sexiness of their post-birth bodies. They’re destined to spend their lives feeling undesirable to themselves and others. 

Luckily, plenty of people are fighting the good fight in this war to help women feel good about themselves. And one of those valiant warriors is none other than Alexandra Roxo. 

Alexandra is a bestselling author and guru of all things feminine embodiment. Using her intimacy, relationship, and sexuality expertise, she guides women in the process of smashing (pun intended) any mental blockages that keep them from stepping into the sexy, voluptuous, vivacious goddesses they are. 

Her writing and coaching practices have touched the lives of thousands all over the world, but particularly mothers. 

“I think something that we have been indoctrinated into culturally is that when a woman becomes a mother, her sexuality goes down the drain, or just gets placed on the backburner for a little while,” Alexandra tells us. 

But just like my Mom believed, and just like Alexandra teaches: This doesn’t have to be the case. Not if Alexandra has anything to do with it. 

Does anyone else remember what happened to Kim Kardashian the first time she posted a bikini pic after giving birth to her first child, North? Millions of people lost their minds at the “gall” of it all. 

There was comment after comment saying something along the lines of “How can you dress like that? You’re a mom now!” or “You know your kids are gonna see this one day, right?” — as if the moment you push a baby out, your right to feel sexual or beautiful in any way disappears along with your placenta.

Alexandra teaches her clients, and countless others who come across her work, that this is simply untrue. To start, she turns her nose up at the thought that post-birth bodies can’t be just as hot and desirable as they were before motherhood, if not more. 

“We should look at it through a lens that goes beyond what the mainstream culture would call ‘sexy.’ You can think of it as being in this body that can give birth and wearing these bras that are full of milk; there is something inherently sexy about that. And it just means that we have to reclaim that for ourselves. And we have to look and go ‘Hmm maybe this is actually really hot — I’m so fertile, so alive, I’m juicy, I’m curvaceous.’” 

In essence, this transformation has very little to do with your body’s actual appearance and almost everything to do with the way you think about it. Sexiness, Alexandra tells us, is a mentality, not an aesthetic. And sometimes it doesn’t actually involve sex at all.

“What I teach is that it’s really beyond physical intercourse. You can not be having physical intercourse, but still have a beautiful, radiant sexual energy in your body. It’s more of an approach to life.” 

Each and every mother has the capacity to yield the power of her inner sexy goddess, if they’re ready to believe it, explains Alexandra.

“What I would love to see women do is give themselves the space to allow for the possibility of feeling sexy, without just assuming ‘Oh, I should just go put on my sweats’ or ‘Give me six months to lose the baby weight,’” she said. “Instead go ‘Oh, how can I embody this f*cking radiant badass that I am; I just made a human! That’s crazy!’”

That said, your journey back to feeling sexy doesn’t have to include buying new lingerie, investing in a new sex toy, or jumping on the latest fitness trend. It starts by inviting sexiness into your life in small ways.

“This could be simply saying ‘I’m open to feeling sexy postpartum. Yup, that’s right!’. Or it may mean just putting on a song and dancing in your kitchen and saying to yourself ‘Oh, I feel a little bit more sexy’, versus just resigning and throwing in the towel because culture has told you that’s what you should do.”

The power of staying open to being sexy lies in the hands of women, but they shouldn’t be expected to carry the burden of the entire transformation on their own. The partners play a vital role in this as well. 

Alexandra explains: “For the non-birthing parent or the non-feeding parent, I would urge you to be cautious that you’re not putting the overlay of the ‘desexualized gaze’ on your partner just because they’re now a parent or now nursing or they just gave birth through their vagina, which is often un-eroticized. Just show your partner that you still see them as the delicious lover that you’re choosing, not just a partner who’s caregiving.”

Showing your partner your love and desire for them can take on many forms, and these don’t necessarily have to be big, romantic gestures. Alexandra calls these micro moments.

“You can look for these little moments throughout your day that create intimacy; it may be a longing gaze that you give your partner when the baby’s asleep, one where you just look at them and breathe in and you’re like ‘Oh, you know I want you right?’ It may not mean I want you right now. And it may not happen for two months. It’s just about acknowledging that energy between you and keeping that energy alive.”

Every woman experiences different (and very valid) changes post-birth, whether they’re physical, hormonal, emotional, or any combination of the three. Keeping this in mind, Alexandra can’t stress enough the key role of communication throughout the process.

“Some couples are not prepared for the woman not wanting to have sex. Not wanting it at all,” she said. “And you’re not meant to want to have a strong libido because your body and biology is saying ‘What? You just had a baby!’ So, that’s something that I think couples should talk about ahead of time. Be like ‘Hey, what are we gonna do if I don’t want to? You know, ‘What are some other ways that we can engage? Or ‘Let’s make sure we talk about it so that neither one of us is hiding or ashamed.’” 

On the flip side, the childbearing parent may find that they’ve never felt sexier. Thrusting a watermelon-sized entity into existence can do that to a person, I’m sure. The point, Alexandra says, is that “there’s no right or wrong way.” 

Everyone responds to the postpartum life differently, and as long as you and your partner keep an open line of communication, you mitigate the risk of hurt feelings and disconnection in your relationship.

Alexandra urges women to discover the sexiness of postpartum life. She said it’s time for them to flip the script.

“Moms can be sexy. New parenthood can be sexy. We don’t have to adopt the old beliefs and language around it that was passed on to us from our moms or grandmas.”

This isn’t to say, however, that women who are mothers can’t have their down days when they just want to pull on sweatpants, feel like crap, and embrace their inner gremlin.

“We’re allowed to be annoyed with our bodies. And be unhappy with our bodies. But let’s not get stuck there,” she said. “Because if we get stuck there, we’re really doing ourselves a disservice — and we’re really doing our kids a disservice, too, when we could be letting them feel the power of a mom who feels good in her body.”