Gay daters have a smaller dating pool, so it makes sense that they rely heavily on dating sites and apps to hook them up. And for those interested in casual dating without outing themselves, Ashley Madison can be just the ticket.
Designed for discreet connections, Ashley Madison is one of the best dating sites for gay men seeking hookups and casual relationships. Ashley Madison prioritizes user privacy and makes it possible for men to meet new suitors in a safe and comfortable environment.
If you want to take control of your image and information in the online dating world, here are some privacy strategies that I recommend doing before swiping on Ashley Madison.
6 Ashley Madison Privacy Settings You Should Review Before Dating
Ashley Madison has a large dating pool of 91 million users. If you don’t want to publicize your online dating activity to all those eyes, make sure you know about the following privacy-forward options:
1. Blur or Mask Your Public Profile Photos
Ashley Madison users have the option to hide their faces in their photos. The discreet app even offers editing tools to blur and mask the images you’ve uploaded. This is a standout tool for protecting identities.
Perhaps you want to show yourself hiking your favorite trails or sightseeing in NYC, but you feel squeamish about potentially being recognized by someone on the app.
Simply blur your face or put an emoji mask to cover everything but your eyes and smile.
Ashley Madison lets users show their hobbies, their personality, and their body, without definite identification.
This way you still won’t be identifiable, but potential matches will still see how cute you are!
Very few dating apps have this in-house editing functionality. It’s one of the many perks of choosing to go with Ashley Madison. On most mainstream apps, you’re required to show your face in your pictures.
2. Review Who Can See Your Private Photos
Ashley Madison allows for private photo collections. Some people put spicy photos in their vault, while others have silly photos in there. It’s up to you what you want to keep private.
With private photos, you can decide who sees that silly or spicy side of you. They’re not visible to anyone except those you deem worthy. You simply give the passcode to matches you’re interested in, and they’ll be able to access your private photos.
3. Turn Off App Notifications & Marketing Emails
Many Ashley Madison users choose the site specifically because they don’t want people in their life to know about their dating choices. So turning off notifications is a must. There’s nothing worse than showing your mom a cute dog video on your phone only for a steamy message to pop up as a notification.
To avoid such awkward mishaps, Ashley Madison makes it easy for users to turn off notifications and marketing emails.
“By going to your notification settings in your account, you can opt out of more than one kind of non-transactional email at once.” -Ashley Madison terms of service
And if you have an iPhone, you can turn on stealth mode for iOS, disguising the app icon on your home screen and changing what notifications say so they seem innocent and unrelated to dating.
Caveat: I’d just put out a small warning that without notifications, you’ll need to be consistent about checking the app and making sure you’re not leaving a hottie on read.
4. Limit Location Permissions
The Ashley Madison app, like most dating apps these days, thrives on making local connections using location information from your phone or mobile device. The algorithm sees where you are and looks for users close by.
But not everyone wants that. One solution would be to access Ashley Madison on the website, where the ZIP code you input is the primary way to find matches.
The Ashley Madison app also allows users to turn off location permissions and manually set a location for the algorithm. That way, you’re still getting local matches, but you’re not giving the app GPS data on your whereabouts.
Ashley Madison lets users set a mile radius of up to 200 miles, so even if you set a different ZIP code from the one you actually reside in, you’ll still be able to view people near to you.
5. Remove Identifying Details From Your Profile
Some dating platforms require a lot of background information. That’s great for relationship seekers interested in detailed compatibility ratings. It’s not so good for online dating privacy.
Not only does filling out questionnaires take a ton of time — not to mention the emotional energy of wondering how to answer what four words best describe you – it puts so much identifiable information on your profile that it’d be easy for someone to spot you.
Ashley Madison lets privacy-conscious people stay in their comfort zones and only disclose the bare minimum about themselves.
On Ashley Madison, you don’t even need your first name or a photo on your dating profile (though you’ll probably get better results if you add one). Your profile can have as little or as much information as you want.
Additionally, Ashley Madison now offers Discreet Match, a matching preference for how discreet you want to be (Curious, Selective, Flexible, Adventurous). The algorithm pairs users with similar outlooks. This helps individuals set the tone for a new romance and make sure expectations are aligned.
6. Review Profile Visibility & Blocking Controls
Sometimes, you just want to lurk on a dating site. I get it. And so does Ashley Madison. You can stay under cover and keep your profile out of people’s swipe lists by adjusting visibility settings.
On Ashley Madison, you can keep your profile live and active while making it undiscoverable. This means that users you’ve liked or messaged can still see you, but new people can’t.
And if you see someone you know in real life or if someone makes you feel uncomfortable on Ashley Madison, it’s super easy to block them from accessing your profile, no questions asked. You can also report them to the moderators if they break a rule, such as asking for money.
4 Tips for Staying Safe on Ashley Madison
Real talk: no way of meeting a new person is perfectly safe. You can have a bad experience with someone you meet on eharmony or at church or while volunteering. Putting your heart out there is a risk. That’s why Ashley Madison has an abundance of privacy and safety tools.
On casual dating sites like Ashley Madison, people are often moving quickly into intimate conversations and meetups. That’s why it’s especially important to use caution when setting up a profile and messaging people. Here are my four safety tips for Ashley Madison users:
1. Be Careful About What You Share & Who You Trust
Look, not everyone you meet online has your best interests at heart. So don’t overshare or let someone into the sensitive parts of your life without vetting them first.
There’s always going to be a level of trust and vulnerability involved when you start a romantic or sexual relationship with someone. But before you disclose personal information or send a compromising picture, make sure you feel reasonably certain it won’t (or can’t) be used against you.
2. Don’t Reuse Photos from Social Media
It’s shockingly easy to reverse-image search these days. Be mindful of that when choosing what pictures you put on social media or your dating profiles. Even if a photo on your Ashley Madison account has a mask on it, a person might be able to trace it back to the photo you posted on Facebook or Instagram if the backgrounds match.
And on that note, don’t link to your social media in your Ashley Madison profile. That can add a layer of chaos to your personal life – and give strangers information about you — that you definitely don’t want.
3. Keep Chats on the Platform
We get it. Logging into a dating app to check your messages can be annoying. You may feel like it’s easier just to move your conversations to text or WhatsApp.
But when you keep your conversations on Ashley Madison, the platform has far more power to protect you should your match start behaving badly. Accountability is easier when you can go to the dating profile and report it. Moderators can review your text history and see what’s going on.
It’s a good idea to keep your phone number private until you’ve met in person. Plus, a lot of scammers use WhatsApp because they can link accounts to a disposable number and operate with little oversight or moderation.
4. Use the Block Button If You Feel Iffy
If you start getting bad vibes from someone, don’t keep the conversation going out of politeness. In fact, you can simply block them and never need to worry about talking to them again.
Trust your gut if something feels off. It’s reasonable to block someone who is crossing your boundaries or making rude comments.
Blocking may feel extreme, but it’s a normal part of online dating. You don’t owe every match an explanation, especially if they’re making you feel uncomfortable.
FAQs: Is Ashley Madison Safe for Gay Men?
Ashley Madison is a safe option for gay men who want to date on the down low. I’m sure over the years, it’s been a safe space for many a closeted man in a lavender marriage.
- Relationships: Hookups, Casual Dates, Affairs
- Match System: Search by age, location, appearance, and more
- Our Experts Say: “With its massive user base and advanced privacy features, Ashley Madison is the #1 site for discreet hookups, dates, or relationships.” Our Review »
- Browse Free: View Photos Now
While it’s not as popular for gay men as, say, Grindr or SCRUFF, the upside of using Ashley Madison is being able to control your information and view dating profiles without putting too much of yourself on the line.
The site’s extensive privacy features make it easier for gay men — especially those who might be DL — to date and find partners in peace.
Can You Use Ashley Madison Anonymously?
Yes, and given the site’s emphasis on discretion, it’s safe to say using Ashley Madison anonymously is the normal operating procedure for most members. Simply refrain from putting your name on your profile, blur or mask your photos, and you’re good to go.
Does Ashley Madison Show Up on Your Credit Card Statement?
First of all, you don’t have to pay anything to use the basic version of Ashley Madison, but if you do choose to upgrade and pay for extra features, the discreet billing features will ensure the words “Ashley Madison” and “dating” don’t appear on any statements.
Charges from Ashley Madison are labeled as “AMDA” to preserve your financial privacy.
Is Ashley Madison Better for Privacy Than Grindr?
Both Ashley Madison and Grindr have plenty of privacy features that appeal to gay men. Grindr has incognito browsing, auto-deletion tools for private photos, and full chat control (meaning users can delete messages or entire threads if they wish).
But, in my eyes, Ashley Madison wins as the more private option. Ashley Madison offers discreet billing, photo blurring, password-locked photos, a hidden app icon, and other unique features that make sure you can be as flirty or as secretive as you wish.
I’m not saying Grindr isn’t good for privacy. It really is. Guys can keep their faces out of pictures and choose a nickname instead of their real names. But it relies on your phone’s location, and its longer list of profile requirements makes it a little less discreet than Ashley Madison is.
Online Privacy Starts Before Your First Match
You can absolutely prioritize privacy while online dating as a gay man. But you have to think about it every step of the way from the second you start creating your profile.
Ashley Madison’s extensive privacy features make it easier than ever for gay men to find discreet connections online. But remember: You’re in charge of toggling the switches, adjusting the settings, and making sure your profile sends the right message. Stay safe and swipe on!
