Let's Talk Trust & Boundaries (Page 2)

My client Fran, a 38-year-old fit, attractive professional, has been trying to work through her trust issues with her fiancé of five months, George. I hadn’t seen her professionally for a number of weeks, when one day, out of the blue, she scheduled an appointment. She entered my office, took her old familiar seat on my sofa, and burst into tears. "I try desperately to convince him I love him, am committed to him,...

When you decide to swing, you don't necessarily have this tidy list of pros and cons that occur in succession. It's more of a swirling plethora of emotions as you and your partner explore a new terrain of possibilities within the relationship. What is interesting about this new terrain, at least for most of us, is it is uncharted territory, so the "list" of pros and cons sort of materializes as you explore. This is...

Smothering and suffocation easily destroy love, whereas healthy boundaries and a balance of individuality and togetherness expand love. Happy relationships require both partners to have adequate breathing room, time apart, autonomy and separate interests with the understanding that being glued to each other does not equal a lasting and fulfilling relationship. In fact, couples in which each partner has a solid...

BDSM doesn't have to be formal, play doesn't have to be within the confines of a serious relationship, and there is nothing wrong with being a "weekend warrior." Casual BDSM, much like casual sex, can be satisfying and fun when done right. There are two major types of play dynamics: egalitarian and non-egalitarian. Casual play can fall into either category, as everything is negotiable. 1. No one has to "be the...

So you’ve decided to have sex for the first time ever. Maybe you’re feeling a bit nervous. You might have a lot of questions like: What should I expect? What will it feel like? Will it be awkward? We get it. Having sex for the first time can be a little intimidating, and it’s totally normal to feel this way! While everyone’s experience will be different, we have some tips that will help make your first time...

Adolescence and young adulthood are opportunities to get to know yourself, explore who you are, try on different identities and develop your interests. While it is common to date, it might feel tricky to determine if your romantic relationships are healthy, unhealthy or somewhere in between. You are not supposed to have all of the answers about relationships, but you can begin to learn what works for you through...

The 411: With more than 88,000 chats, phone calls and texts coming in every year, loveisrespect is the most reliable and authoritative organization focused on helping teens and young adults identify, prevent and end abusive relationships.  With more than 41 million teens in the U.S, it's important for them to have a convenient way to get good advice about relationships, and that's exactly...

Welcome to your world, the world of having a clingy girlfriend. That's tough. A friend of mine is going through it right now. His girlfriend wants to do everything together — every trip, every moment, every dinner, every movie. He made the mistake of seeing a movie with a guy friend that she wanted to see. She lost it. She got really upset. The definition of a clingy girlfriend is: a girlfriend who doesn't allow...

Every couple must negotiate their relationship contract in regards to monogamy. This usually entails discussing one’s values about sex and fidelity. For some gay couples, strict faithfulness is the norm. For others, an open relationship has been adopted in which playing with others has been permitted — this usually comes with its own set of ground rules for various aspects of this agreement. One such scenario some...

I often receive letters from partners in new dating relationships or long-term partnerships who are upset after having discovered their boyfriends are engaging in cybersex activities, whether it be viewing pornography or partaking in online chats with other men. Many of them question whether this is something they should be concerned about, while others find themselves on the brink of a breakup, feeling they’ve been...

You’ve started dating a new girl. She’s everything you want in a woman. She’s sexy. She’s funny. You can talk for hours, and you have an incredible time together. There’s just one problem: Your friends don’t like her at all They describe her in ways you don’t understand. They see something in her you don’t see. For one reason or another, your friends don’t approve of the relationship one bit. They don’t like it...

You’re up late one night. You’re tired, but you can’t fall asleep. You look at your girlfriend. She’s sound asleep. She looks so pretty. You think about waking her for a little midnight action, but you remember the conversation you had with her before you went to bed. She was tired from a long day at work. She couldn’t wait to get to bed. That’s why she headed to bed so early. So you head into the living room with...

Would you be surprised if I told you the average woman does not trust men? The average woman says her level of trust in men is only a 4 on a scale from 1 to 10, where 10 is the highest level of trust. I have to admit I'm quite surprised by this and I am not surprised at all. In my work with countless women, I'm starting to see a pattern. Patterns are good because when we can identify them and unravel them, then we...

Let's look at how we can build trust again because it’s a key element to having a fulfilling relationship that lasts. 1. Be honest and upfront from the get-go. If you're not absolutely honest about what you want, then why should he be honest about what he wants? 2. Ask important and direct questions early on. Gather information about what does and does not work for you. More importantly, listen to (and believe) his...

Reader Question: I am a bisexual man and am in love with my friend, but he has a girlfriend. He is bisexual as well. I also am good friends with his girlfriend. We've kissed, hugged and cuddled, but the situation is getting kind of stressful for me because I'm starting to love him. We haven't told each other that we like each other. What do I do? -Ben (New York) Brian Rzepczynski's Answer: Hi Ben! The...

We all know that without trust, a relationship doesn’t have a chance and there isn’t going to be much substance or depth to it. Did you know the average woman says her level of trust in men is only a 4 on a scale from 1 to 10, where 10 is the highest level of trust? I think the information from this survey is quite alarming. If you are a man who wants a loving and fulfilling relationship, I have some important tips...

Reader Question: My ex has panic disorder and depression. She went through a rough time and didn't talk to me for a couple of days, but then she decided to say she couldn't handle the relationship because of her emotional problems. It broke my heart, but when I was out with two co-workers who are straight, she got mad at me. She called to work things out. I feel like it's all head games, but she wants to be...

Honesty is an interesting topic in dating. We all have different layers to ourselves and different comfort levels when it comes to revealing our truest selves to a person we are trying to get to know. Many factors come into play, such as good or bad past experiences, your previous partners and where you are at in your life. Being honest is your best option for many reasons. The major point that illustrates why...

People date with all sorts of intentions. If you are looking for a potential long-term partner, as many of us single moms are, then I hope these words find you: If you approach dating from a place of scarcity, insecurity and neediness, then you will never, and I mean never, find a date and/or partner who will treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. Whenever I sought out a man to save me, I rushed into a...

Reader Question: My fiance has a male friend who keeps popping up out of the blue every couple months just to make trouble it seems. I trust her, but she can't seem to see the things he does. For instance, New Year's Eve, he asked her if she wanted to come over to his house for a party. He knows we recently got engaged but failed to ask me. She did not think that was weird and she always gives him the benefit of...

Reader Question: I have been dating a guy for about four weeks now. He wanted to take it to a sexual level and I told him I wanted to wait. In the beginning, he would call or text all the time. Now I am lucky to receive a call every couple of days. He doesn't have a problem calling when he needs something, though. Am I fool for caring about this guy? -Crystal (Florida) Gina Stewart's Answer: Yep. There is...

With so much talk about attachment style and our relationships, it seems easy to spot someone with anxious or emotionally-avoidant tendencies. But what about someone who can securely attach to another? Many people of this generation missed this important lesson because their own parents didn’t exactly exhibit healthy relationship skills and may have even divorced. Here are four ways to identify a person with a...

Are you getting walked on in your relationship? If so, you have no one to blame but yourself. As a man, it’s up to you to be assertive and speak up about your needs in your relationship. If you have a naturally deferential personality, you don’t have to become a totally different person. You do, however, need to start cultivating a few simple habits that are going to guarantee you remain autonomous and don’t become a...

There are three distinct concepts I want to talk to you about. These are: understanding that women are women, trusting is the process of letting go and trust in yourself rather than put that focus on women. The first concept is women are women. What I mean by this is women will do what they need to do in order to achieve what they desire. Putting your trust in women is a gamble because they are going to do what they...

Mending a romantic relationship is one of those things best left to a professional who has years of experience as a couples therapist and can help bring couples back together. Sometimes therapy sessions can make all the difference and strengthen a relationship so it lasts for years to come. If you're looking for this kind of help, check out our 10 Best Blogs for Relationship Therapy. For Your...

Reader Question: Is it OK for my girlfriend to be alone with a guy friend doing various activities? She has a guy friend she hikes alone with and another male friend she goes running with. She has told me many times she has no interest in him romantically, but I know she finds him physically attractive. I also heard through one of her friends the guy she goes hiking with has a crush on her. Should I tell...

In this crazy all-about-me world, it can be very difficult to find someone whom you can trust to protect you emotionally, physically and financially. It can be equally hard to be a trustworthy person, but without trust, you can’t have real love. Here are seven ways to grow trust (and love) in yourself and your relationship: 1. Learn compassion. Compassion is like empathy, but it includes actual behavior. The...

Reader Question: Should I get back together with my girlfriend? My girlfriend emailed me saying she liked someone other than me and broke it off. I found out she ended up asking this other person out and getting rejected. She texted me saying wanted to get back again, even though it hadn't been more than two hours. I was pretty mad at her and told her I would talk to her at school. I wouldn't mind being...

Vulnerability can be a challenging and sometimes scary concept to think about. Jumping in and taking a risk requires being bold and being yourself. Letting your guard down is vital in dating and relationships. This is a topic that hits close to home. I was in a five-year relationship that was very restricting and caused me to become very guarded. After that, I went into a nine-month relationship that was nothing but...

I have written many articles about my positive experiences and perspectives on having an open relationship. What about when you hit a rough patch? How do you decide whether to work through it or break up? J. and I have had two major rough patches. After the first few months of being open, it became important to J. to be able to date on his own. Up until that point, we had been swinging together exclusively. I had...