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Let's Talk Trust & Boundaries (Page 4)
By:
Amber Brooks
Amber Brooks,Editor-in-Chief
Amber Brooks is the Editor-in-Chief at DatingAdvice.com. When she was growing up, her family teased her for being "boy crazy," but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating and relationship expert. As an English major at the University of Florida, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about a variety of subjects. Now with over 1,800 lifestyle articles to her name, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to DatingAdvice.com. She has been quoted by the Washington Times, Cosmopolitan, The New York Post, and AskMen, among others.
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Editor:
Lillian Castro
Lillian Castro,Senior Editor
Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.
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No need for trust fall exercises. If you want to know how to establish trust in your relationship, you’ve come to the right place. We provide useful tips and expert instructions on how to build and maintain trust in a romantic relationship.
For a fulfilling relationship, couples need to be aligned. And our experts agree that understanding trust and boundaries is essential in achieving perfect alignment, one so epic it could put a total solar eclipse to shame.
Below, we’ll explore everyday habits for trust building and fostering a healthy environment for your relationship. And that includes covering the big CTC: Clear Communication, Transparency, and Consistency.
You’ll also learn about the importance of setting and honoring personal boundaries and recognizing when lines are crossed. Boundaries are just as important in the pursuit of mutual respect and trust.
Our expert advice also covers what to do when faced with breakups, betrayals, and infidelity in a relationship, and how to repair trust after it is broken. This includes step-by-step guidance through some of the most challenging relationship experiences and how to get to the other side of your pain, healed and whole.
Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.
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Reader Question:
I'm in a very happy and loving relationship with the most wonderful man, but when I see a female who is attractive, I automatically think he's thinking about her. The worst is when we're watching TV, and if there is any nudity or sex scenes, I don't want to watch it anymore.
I don't want this to cause problems with us now or in the future. He told me men are visual beings and they can't help but...
Kara Pound is an award-winning journalist based in St. Augustine, Florida. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from Flagler College. Her work has been published in INKED, Natural Awakenings, Design Aglow, Memphis Flyer, Jacksonville Magazine, E/Environmental Magazine, and dozens more. Check out some of Kara's work at karapound.com.
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This is how I feel about lying: One day my sister was driving from Connecticut to the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City, where she was going to college. She was on the Saw Mill River Parkway when the car in front of her hit a cat.
She called me crying hysterically and asked if I could contact the local animal shelter to look for the cat. I did call the shelter but they didn’t give me any news about...
Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.
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Reader Question:
I am a teenager and my boyfriend and I had been on for almost half a year. I accidentally opened his Facebook account he left open on my computer and I saw his conversation with a girl — an acquaintance of mine.
I read that he tried to court us at the same time. I tried not to mind it until the date that I said "yes" to him, but he still keeps asking her for pictures and says he misses her and...
Bethany has ghost-written hundreds of dating articles in the last 10 years for relationship experts all over the United States.
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If your man has cheated and you have decided to give him another chance, you must forgive and move forward immediately. Don’t obsess about how good she was in bed or if she did this or that to him, and don’t ask him any such questions. The answers will only hurt you and lead to further insecurity.
Do ask him why he did what he did and figure out together how you can be stronger for the experience.
Sam has been writing about dating and relationships for more than three years now. He holds a bachelor's degree from Bucknell University, has self-published a few of his own books and is currently working on mastering the double right turn in his salsa dancing classes.
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If your boyfriend spends a lot of his time online, you’re welcome to feel a little worried. The Internet provides tons of opportunities for activities that could threaten your relationship, and the fact that he’d rather spend a whole lot of his time online instead of with you or with others he cares about may be a big warning sign about what sort of man he is.
Not every online activity is cause for concern, but...
Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.
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We view it as a cancer, an element from the dark side or a treacherous evil that gnaws away at the trust and decency that binds a couple together. Lying is not something that is considered to be good for a relationship. But is that always the case? Is honesty always the best policy for a happy and functional relationship?
I don’t pretend to have the definitive answer, but I will try to render some insight and...
Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.
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You’re a liberated woman. You’re smart, independent and nobody’s fool. You’re tired of guys who take advantage of your trusting nature and generosity, so maybe it’s time to put yourself first.
You’ve been around the block a time or two and are fed up with bad relationships, but you still have those urges that can only be satisfied between the sheets. Maybe it’s time to consider finding a "friend with...
Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.
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Pie is a wonderful thing. But there’s a point at which too much of a good thing, especially if it is cloyingly sweet and rich, will make us gag. It’s hard to imagine that even the thing men desire most — being near you — can also bring him to the point of revulsion.
It never has to come to that, as long as you understand the basic principles of common courtesy, common sense, trust and boundaries.
Don’t be his...
Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.
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Jealousy is one of the most destructive forces that can come into play in a relationship, and it is one of the major reasons a woman will choose to dump her guy.
A teaspoon of jealousy may demonstrate that you really care for your girl, but any more than that says more about you than it does about her. Getting over your jealous inclinations could be the most important thing you ever do for yourself and your...
Bethany has ghost-written hundreds of dating articles in the last 10 years for relationship experts all over the United States.
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No means no. Period. Whether you don’t want to have sex, watch porn or eat a certain kind of food, you have to learn the power of "NO." Many women struggle with this concept and think they are being rude, selfish or ungrateful when they utter that teeny-tiny word.
We say yes when people ask us to help with a project when we’re already overworked or when a friend asks to borrow money even though we are struggling...
Kara Pound is an award-winning journalist based in St. Augustine, Florida. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from Flagler College. Her work has been published in INKED, Natural Awakenings, Design Aglow, Memphis Flyer, Jacksonville Magazine, E/Environmental Magazine, and dozens more. Check out some of Kara's work at karapound.com.
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Has your girlfriend or wife ever lied to you? What was it about? Was it something silly like her age or weight? Or did it bear more serious implications of a break of trust such as adultery or a spending habit?
When a woman lies to you, she is not only being dishonest. She is also indicating that she doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth.
Telling a "little white lie" is another story. People tell...
Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.
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Reader Question:
I have been married for just under 15 years, but for the last 10 years, she has been abusing alcohol. She has been in two accidents while under the influence, and she has been to suicide watch several times.
If she wants to be with her wine more than me, would you consider that being unfaithful?
-Harvey (New Mexico)
Dr. Wendy Walsh's Answer:
Yes. She needs an intervention followed by strong...
Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.
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Reader Question:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months. He stays at my house all the time when he isn't working, even though I've told him we shouldn't spend so much time together. I feel like the spark is already gone and I don't know how to get it back.
Is he too comfortable already?
-Lisa C. (Georgia)
Dr. Wendy Walsh's Answer:
In a word, yes. Three months is such a short time for you...
Bethany has ghost-written hundreds of dating articles in the last 10 years for relationship experts all over the United States.
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There are two sentences a woman never wants to hear from a boyfriend – "I just want to be friends" and "I need some space." If at all possible, you should avoid both like the plague.
If you feel your girlfriend is suffocating you, and you really do need some space from her before you lose your mind, try to give her other plausible reasons why you won’t be hanging out with her as much in the coming weeks.
Tell...
Bethany has ghost-written hundreds of dating articles in the last 10 years for relationship experts all over the United States.
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If you’ve cheated on your girlfriend, you are in quite the unpleasant situation. Hopefully, guilt is eating you alive and you feel ashamed of yourself. I say this because cheating is the lowest thing you can do to a woman you care about.
Unfaithfulness is the ultimate betrayal and is very difficult to forgive. If you’re feeling guilty, it means you have a soul and a conscience. This is good news. Plus, guilt is a...
Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.
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If you’re in high school or under 18, sexting is a horrible idea. The guys your are sending your erotic texts and photos to are not mature enough to be trusted to keep such sensitive information to themselves.
They will save the messages forever so they can read them again and again. So, even if they don’t share them with their friends (and most of them will), the messages may be discovered by their parents or...
Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.
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Reader Question:
My boyfriend still supports his ex financially and now he's constantly surfing porn. Is it wrong to feel like I'm just being used because he can't get what he really wants?
-Julie S. Silverdale (Washington)
Dr. Wendy Walsh's Answer:
You’ve asked two separate questions here. As for him supporting his ex financially, I don’t know if there are children involved, a divorce decree, or if this is...
Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.
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Reader Question:
I was introduced to a girl who had recently left her ex for abusive reasons, and she had just found out she was pregnant. Things worked until right before the baby was due, and even though I had established work and was about to buy a place for the three of us, she started wanting to try and give the baby’s father a second chance.
She has since apologized for the way she acted. She has been...
Kara Pound is an award-winning journalist based in St. Augustine, Florida. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from Flagler College. Her work has been published in INKED, Natural Awakenings, Design Aglow, Memphis Flyer, Jacksonville Magazine, E/Environmental Magazine, and dozens more. Check out some of Kara's work at karapound.com.
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Over the past two decades, the inception of the World Wide Web has brought additional obstacles to the world of dating. It used to be that you waited ever so patiently for that next date with your girlfriend. Now, you can virtually watch her every move via Facebook, YouTube, email, Google searches, iChat, Skype, etc.
But what happens when you think your girlfriend is being irresponsible about her online...
Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.
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Reader Question:
My husband and I have been married for nine years, and all of a sudden he is in a relationship. He said he still loves me and said we should take this one day at a time, but we are still married. He said he does not want a divorce. What should I do?
Signed confused,
-Kim M. (California)
Dr. Wendy Walsh's Answer:
Wow! You’ve just been handed one of life’s giant crisis. The question is, can...
Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.
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There is no quick fix for a relationship shattered by betrayal. If things are ever going to get back to some kind of “normal,” it will take a long, long time. If you want to remain aware of your girlfriend’s feelings and her importance to you, then don’t forgive yourself, yet.
Let your guilt guide your conscience and be a constant reminder to behave properly and treat her with respect.
That said, you do not...
Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.
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Nature draws men and women together for a purpose other than friendship. There are a few exceptions that totally eliminate the likelihood of attraction.
If you first meet a woman as the girlfriend of a good friend or relative, your sexual antennae are also turned off, and you might discover that you cannot even become attracted to her if she later becomes available.
If you meet a woman with a husband or...
Bethany has ghost-written hundreds of dating articles in the last 10 years for relationship experts all over the United States.
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Jealousy can be a terribly destructive force in a relationship. My favorite definition of jealousy comes from Wikipedia. “Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection.” Yep, that about sums it up.
Here’s the thing about jealousy — when...
Kara Pound is an award-winning journalist based in St. Augustine, Florida. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from Flagler College. Her work has been published in INKED, Natural Awakenings, Design Aglow, Memphis Flyer, Jacksonville Magazine, E/Environmental Magazine, and dozens more. Check out some of Kara's work at karapound.com.
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That depends on a few things. Are you still friends with your ex-girlfriend? If so, then absolutely keep her on your Facebook friend list and as a Twitter follower. I believe that women and men can be friends — like actual, platonic friends.
And if your new love interest has a problem with an ex posting friendly things on your Facebook page, then she’s most likely insecure about herself or insecure about your...
Bethany has ghost-written hundreds of dating articles in the last 10 years for relationship experts all over the United States.
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Women often ask if they are required by some relationship rule or dating devotional to tell their man every little thing. We wonder if it is OK to have secrets, to keep certain parts of our lives private. Because women are so naturally open and communicative, we often feel we are being dishonest if we are not completely forthcoming. This is not necessarily true.
Although secrets usually create dilemmas, no matter...
Kara Pound is an award-winning journalist based in St. Augustine, Florida. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from Flagler College. Her work has been published in INKED, Natural Awakenings, Design Aglow, Memphis Flyer, Jacksonville Magazine, E/Environmental Magazine, and dozens more. Check out some of Kara's work at karapound.com.
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Reader Question:
How do I know if my girlfriend is just “fun flirting” or if she doesn’t love me anymore?
-Colin B. (Virginia)
Expert's Answer:
Hey Colin,
What an interesting question. If we were having a two-way conversation, I would ask you for a lot more information. But since this is me virtually writing you a letter, I will have to use my imagination and cognoscente creativity. I’m assuming you and this...
Sam has been writing about dating and relationships for more than three years now. He holds a bachelor's degree from Bucknell University, has self-published a few of his own books and is currently working on mastering the double right turn in his salsa dancing classes.
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The boundaries of cheating are rarely clear cut. After all, actions that one couple considers cheating may be openly pursued as nothing more than “harmless fun” by another couple. Not only does each couple each have their own rules for what’s considered appropriate or inappropriate behavior, two halves of the same couple may hold radically different opinions on what constitutes “stepping out.”
And for many...
Lauren is just about 24 now and thinks that age has brought a little clarity. She is in the dating scene but not to the point where sometimes she knows better. It's an interesting phase. Of her three best friends: one is married, one in a relationship and one is trolloping around Europe. That all seems normal to Lauren, who said she is less judgmental than she used to be. At a certain point, you realize most people are just on different paths to the same end.
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Relationships exist in a multitude of forms and fashions, tailored to best suit the people in them. Couples in an open relationship remain mentally and emotionally committed but are free to explore other interests sexually. This can conceivably become a rather tricky situation to navigate. Here's a few points to consider before you decide to take the step in opening up your relationship.
1. Motives.
One of the most...
Kara Pound is an award-winning journalist based in St. Augustine, Florida. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from Flagler College. Her work has been published in INKED, Natural Awakenings, Design Aglow, Memphis Flyer, Jacksonville Magazine, E/Environmental Magazine, and dozens more. Check out some of Kara's work at karapound.com.
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Reader Question:
I went through my girlfriend's things, which was wrong. She was telling her friend that I was not good looking but that I was the sweetest guy she’s met and she loves me. How should I take this?
-John G. (Illinois)
Expert's Advice:
Hey John G.,
Thanks for your question. I suppose I’m curious to know why you went through her things. Was it to get back at her for saying you aren’t good looking...
Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.
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The online experience has certainly changed the landscape of dating in the modern age. An endless line of profiles waiting to be clicked and the instant gratification of real-time chatting has made the potential of a continuous supply of new dates a near-reality.
But the Information Age brings with it another more sinister element — instant background checking with a few clicks on Google, as well as making our...
Amber Brooks is the Editor-in-Chief at DatingAdvice.com. When she was growing up, her family teased her for being "boy crazy," but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating and relationship expert. As an English major at the University of Florida, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about a variety of subjects. Now with over 1,800 lifestyle articles to her name, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to DatingAdvice.com. She has been quoted by the Washington Times, Cosmopolitan, The New York Post, and AskMen, among others.
