What Is a Dating Site? How the Digital Age Changed Romance

Imagine you’re living in the early 1600s, single, and reading this personal ad in the local newspaper: 

“A good magician and magnetic healer wishes to meet a little blonde song-and-dance or elocution lady, from 20 to 30 years; if suited will make you a kind husband and nice home in the West; give height and weight in first letter.” 

You’d probably circle the classified ad and send off a letter. In the 20th century, you’d call the number listed. After the internet boom of the 1990s, you could send an instant message to your potential match. 

The invention of the online dating site has allowed single people to virtually connect and message each other without meeting in person.

Dating sites revolutionize the way we form romantic relationships. Now instead of answering public ads, singles can meet privately online and send messages via their mobile devices. Even if newspapers have largely gone out of circulation, centuries later, the purpose of the dating site is the same: to find a personal, romantic, or sexual relationship. 

A dating site is more than a place to meet –— it’s a matchmaker and wingman in its own right. Read on to find out why these modern methods of finding love, intimacy, and sex are essential to modern dating life.

Key Factors | Types of Sites | User Experience | Membership Options | Challenges & Solutions

Dating sites have some core features that make online love possible. While these can vary depending on the platform, many industry standards have been established since the 1990s.

That means most popular dating sites maintain a certain setup whether they’re tailored for singles looking for hookups, relationships, LGBTQ+ people, or other specific interests. 

User Profiles

Dating apps and sites are populated by people looking to find a connection of some sort. Maybe that means a casual hookup, or perhaps they’re intent on getting into a relationship.

Users typically sign up for free and create profiles with a good mix of photos and personal information. Different sites have different profile questions and requirements. 

Most sites require some basic details: the user’s age, location, and orientation. Users then have the option to add more information to their profile. They may want to include their occupation, interests, religion, education, and lifestyle preferences (i.e. want children/don’t want children). 

Short bios and responses to prompts can reveal personality quirks as well.

The user profile is all about making a good first impression. It’s the first thing that other users will see when seeking dates. You should put your best foot forward when crafting your user profile. 

Portray yourself honestly with up-to-date photos and accurate information. And be sure to follow the website guidelines for what’s appropriate. For instance, posting a photo of yourself holding a weapon could get you permanently banned from Bumble.

Matching Algorithms

Match algorithms power the dating platform and make sense of its membership base. 

By taking advantage of all the information available, users are more likely to match or connect. When a user states their preferences (maybe they’re looking for someone of a certain age range, gender, or type), the algorithm will feed them profiles of people who align with those preferences. 

How does the dating site know that the person wants this type of person? The user’s swiping habits along with the information they input can help guide the site toward potential matches. 

AI is a growing part of the online dating world. Many single people are using AI to create or enhance their profiles. Dmitri Mirakyan, co-founder of YourMove AI, created a platform that provides AI-generated dating profiles. YourMove AI has already written over 500,000 profiles, and the website gets about 200,000 hits monthly.

Communication Tools

The whole point of a dating site is to communicate with potential matches. Instant messaging tools allow you to get to know people and build trust before going on a date. Many websites make it easy to connect, find common ground, and chat with low pressure. 

Dating website users have private messaging, virtual gifts, and emojis to express themselves more whimsically, and voice recordings to get their personality and overall vibe across. Not everyone is well-versed in texting, and some people are better over the phone or in person, so having a lot of communication features on hand is a good thing.

There’s a dating site for everything under the sun. Whether you’re looking for people who follow your lifestyle preferences, sexuality, or cultural upbringing, there’s a website for you.

Mainstream Dating Sites

You know the big ones. You’ve probably even heard, listened to, or seen ads for eharmony, Match, and OkCupid. These are some of the formative dating websites that got their start over 20 years ago and have been wildly successful online matchmakers. 

Match has a growing membership base and appeals to serious daters. eharmony boasts being responsible for over 2 million happy couples in the United States. And OkCupid was the first dating app to go big on gender identity options with over 60 LGBTQ+ options on its profile.

Niche Dating Sites

Niche dating sites take into account that everyone is different. Some individuals might be looking for partners who share their values, interests, cultural makeup, or other preferences. Popular dating websites that focus on religion and love are Christian Mingle (for Christians) and JDate (for Jewish people). Then you have BLK for Black singles and Chispa for Latin singles.

FarmersOnly is a niche site that connects farmers looking for love. Feeld is an app that’s meant for polyamorous and kinky people looking to find like-minded people. WooPlus is good for curvy singles seeking a safe space. And HER is an app made by queer women, for queer women. 

Niche dating services cater to specific lifestyles, cultures, and interests. These alternatives are attractive to diverse people looking for certain types of connections. Often they feel overlooked on mainstream apps and sites and see greater success in smaller dating pools that cater to them.

Casual Dating Websites

If you’re looking for a casual hookup, you can find plenty of sites to scratch the itch. 

Take a look at Ashley Madison, a married dating website that’s been responsible for many affairs (and probably more than a few divorces). The membership base reportedly comprises over 80 million users. It seems despite the negative portrayal on the Netflix doc “Ashley Madison: Sex, Lies, and Scandal,” the affair dating service is still going strong. 

Flirt.com is another hookup site with a lot of active users. The casual nature of the site is evident in its title. This website is a great way to find casual dates, have some fun, get over a breakup, or just explore what’s out there. 

Then, of course, there’s Tinder. The original swiping app with over 97 billion (yep, with a B) matches to its name. This online dating app has a reputation for being a hookup app, although some long-term relationships have been sparked from a swipe right. 

The user experience can make or break a dating platform’s success. It’s impossible to predict a user’s journey when they join an app or website, but hopefully it’s more positive than negative. 

How the website functions can influence how things go. Just think about the impact of reliable safety measures, messaging options, and the profile browsing options. If it’s a smooth, simple, and easy-to-understand process, the user experience is full of conversations and connections. 

If it’s difficult to grasp, visually lacking, or lacks safety precautions, the user will be disappointed and will likely leave the platform before too long.

1. Register and Set up a Profile

When you sign up for a dating site, you’ll need to register certain information. Some sites have profile verification via email or text message. This is a secure way to verify that you are who you say you are. 

Don’t be surprised by the level of intimate information needed for a dating profile — unless, of course, you’re on an anonymous dating site like Ashley Madison.

The more information on the profile, the more the match algorithm has to work with. A lot of details can also help users get to know each other and feel a sense of trust.

Some information is necessary — your age, for instance. But fact checks are minimal. You can always put up a fake name if you want to protect your identity, or you can choose to make certain information private so it’s invisible to the average user. 

2. Browsing and Matching

Next, you’re going to be swiping or searching for matches. Essentially you’ll be reviewing the profiles of potential matches and deciding whether you want to reach out by sending a like or message. It feels sort of like online shopping but for a date or partner. 

When it comes to profile browsing, it’s good to know what you’re looking for and the things you aren’t willing to compromise on. That way, when you are looking through the potential matches, you can act reflexively based on your values and needs, and not so much on your first impressions from a photo. 

Once you find someone you’d like to match with, you’ll click or swipe on their profile, and then you’ll have the option to message them or they can message you. Some apps will set time constraints or membership requirements on the messaging features. I’ll talk a bit about that next.

3. Messaging Options

When you match with someone on a dating site, you’ll be able to send private text messages. Some restrictions like time limits or paywalls may come into play. And you can’t message someone who has blocked you, obviously. 

During the Covid lockdowns, many dating services added an option to leave voice messages or videos in addition to texts. This can help you get a feel for the person’s voice, energy, and personality. Some people are better at texting, and some are better at voice memos. It’s a personal preference. 

Premium messaging options can include in-app video calls and private photo sharing. Emojis and gifs can be on offer as well. Some messaging perks like read receipts are paid features available only on certain websites and apps. 

Online messaging is a generally secure activity as long as certain safety features are in place. The ability to block and report other members is crucial for online security.

4. Safety Considerations

It’s important to consider your safety when you’re on a dating website. While it’s nice to believe most people are there for the right reasons, we can’t deny the reality of immoral activities like phishing, identity theft, and romance scams. 

Some catfishing profiles present themselves as a perfect match, but it’s a criminal or robot in real life. According to some findings, approximately half of people who’ve used dating sites and apps (52%) say that they have matched with someone who was trying to scam them. 

To prevent scams and harassment, some websites have security measures in place like reporting a user or blocking them.

If you’re signing up for a dating site, you’re automatically considered a member, but you might notice some options to upgrade along the way.

Paid Subscriptions

Most dating sites have membership fees that you can opt to pay weekly, monthly, or annually. 

Paid subscriptions are a great option if you’re looking for more nurturing in the online dating process. The paid subscription unlocks access to more premium features. 

These features may include more match recommendations, more visibility, or more search filters. Messaging can sometimes be a paid feature as well.

Paid subscriptions can differ for men and women. Generally, men pay more for subscriptions than women do as they tend to struggle more with finding matches, especially if their profiles aren’t attracting attention.

Free Membership

Free membership is typically ground zero for users signing up to a dating site. Free membership will include basic features, including profile setup and browsing

If a user is looking for more preferences like height, religion, or education, or more of their daily swipe allotment, a user can pay for an upgraded membership package. This doesn’t necessarily translate to more matches but can help refine a user’s search for the right match in the dating pool. 

One site that features free unlimited messaging is OkCupid. Users can engage with each other for as long as they’d like without any hidden fees. 

I recommend trying out an app’s basic features before upgrading to the paid subscription model. This way you can determine whether the online dating website aligns with what you’re looking for. 

Pay As You Go

Who knew a dating app could feel like you’re playing a video game? Certain websites and apps function with a credit system that allows you to buy credits that unlock specific features, usually direct messages. It’s sort of like gambling for love, or lust, or whatever you’re looking for.

Zoosk Coins are an online currency that pays for certain features on the Zoosk app. Members can buy coins in a big batch, or they can earn coins for free by recommending Zoosk to a friend or following the brand on social media.

By spending the credits, you can send messages, virtual gifts, and voice chats without being locked into regular payments.

Having a bank of credits can be more cost-effective than a monthly subscription plan. Simply pay as you go! You can purchase a credit and get access to a special feature. 

This is a great option for users who don’t want to invest too much in their online dating experience but still want to get the benefits of paid features. This also works for people looking to message a specific person and engage with them at a higher level. 

As I mentioned earlier, dating sites can be breeding grounds for dishonesty, manipulation, and even petty crimes. But trustworthy platforms like Match and Bumble have pioneered features to make things safer and easier to navigate. 

Security Concerns and Scams

Online daters should take safety seriously and know the risks of entering love matches online. A website’s safety features can help identify some, but not all, scam profiles and bad actors. Many mainstream dating websites will verify your identity via email, phone number, or a selfie. If you don’t go through any profile verification tools upon signup, be wary of the profiles you see.

AI technology and data tracking can help sites vet new profiles and make sure you are who you say you are. 

And, of course, daters vet each other online as well. The more users engage in conversation, the more they know about one another and feel assured when meeting up in person. Perhaps they take added safety precautions and have a phone call or Facetime video before meeting in person. A video date is a good way to make sure the person matches their profile. 

Perpetuating Biases

Online dating sites have match algorithms that can exacerbate biases and reflect the current cultural consciousness, for better or worse. Racism and bigotry, as well as implicit bias, can rear its ugly head when it comes to dating. While we’ve evolved into civilized humans (mostly), we’re still inclined to stick to certain types when it comes to romantic choices.

“I feel like there is room, honestly, to say, ‘I have a preference for somebody who looks like this.’ And if that person happens to be of a certain race, it’s hard to blame somebody for that.” — Ari Curtis, blogger

OkCupid has a zero-racism policy (most sites do, obviously) and even made hay out of banning a white supremacist in 2017. When it comes to dating preferences, however, users can sometimes show some ugly patterns in their like history. One study found that Black people were 10 times more likely to like a white person’s dating profile than the other way around.

Video Chats Can Offer Assurance

If you’re unsure about investing time, money, and energy in an online chat, it’s a good idea to do a phone call — or better yet, a video chat. 

Remember that a person’s photos are a one-dimensional representation of their personality. With video, you’re able to see a person up close. You’ll get a read on how they speak and whether there’s a spark between you two. 

Sometimes, you’ll think you feel some chemistry over a text or a voice message, but in person or via video chat, the chemistry can disappear. I’d advise you to ask to video chat with a match before agreeing to meet up. That way, you save your time, energy, and emotional labor ahead of time. 

Can AI Features Save Users From Burnout?

AI is infiltrating all areas of daily life and communication — including the online dating world. It’s not necessarily a bad tool to use, but it does have reverberating effects that you should know about. 

You can rely on AI to write your dating profile bio or respond to prompts, but you should always add your own personal spin to it so the writing sounds genuine — not robotic! 

AI-generated images may also be tempting to add to a profile, but I would strongly urge you to avoid this as it could be viewed as deceptive and get you banned from a dating service. You can, however, add a few of your photos to your favorite AI chat tool and ask which ones it thinks would be best for a dating profile.

If you’re unfamiliar with dating apps and more introverted, then AI can be a good wingman and reality check. If you’re looking for a good pickup line, AI can help create that for you — but you’ll want to take steps to ensure you’re retaining your natural voice. 

Simply input text messages or paragraphs of how you speak, type in the command “learn my voice,” and then type in what you’d like it to create for you (i.e., “write 10 pickup lines for me”).

Online dating has evolved since classified ads in newspapers. Now there’s an entire industry with options for people of all backgrounds and identities. While this is a great new frontier for finding love and casual dates, it can feel overwhelming when it comes to taking safety precautions and finding the right match in a sea of people. 

Dating sites are important places where people find dates, relationships, sexual connections, and everything in between. They’re not going away anytime soon, and with the inclusion of AI features, user profiles will become more enhanced. 

Regardless of what you’re looking for, there’s something for everyone on modern dating sites. You only need to give it a try. Best of luck!